Discovering my mental road block.

Right now, more than anything, I'm trying to wrap my head around what exactly is my mental block keeping me from moving forward. I know the name it's given, approach anxiety, but that is a broad label. Now a days I'm confident about my appearance, something I used to struggle with. When I get AI/IOIs, for the most part, I recognize them, but I don't let myself act on them. Hell, just a few weeks ago I had a HB8 open me, and all I got was a name. I've struggled with putting my finger on exactly what I need to work on, but I can't quite place it. I basically go "deer in headlights" when I get AI/IOIs. My internal dialog is completely confident the AI/IOIs are meant for me, and rarely I doubt it. There is just a lack of action. I do know there is some intimidation mixed into it, but I don't think its the whole of it.

On another note, had a stunning waitress tonight, was the meal before a bachelor party. I'm 50/50 on if I got an IOI from her... was just simple "your welcome", but something about the way it was said. Was either an IOI or sarcastic backtalk, she said it too softly for me to really make out her tone of voice. Caught me off guard. Either way I'm sure it was said so only I could hear it. Of course I'm no where near ready for hired gun game, and more important things were going on. Not to mention hired gun IOIs aren't always genuine. Small miracle they didn't kick us of of there, we were quite rowdy. Still its always good for the ego to think a HB10 might be giving you IOIs ;o)

Anyway, just dumping some thoughts, trying to wind down after a crazy night so I can get some sleep.

Firstly, you are on the correct path. Your acknowledgement of your own mental stumblings will make necessary for you to motivate yourself to a point where you are just fed up. In a sense, I see you reaching that point really soon. Keep this thought with you," The Milky way galaxy is 100,000 light years across." So why are you worried about a potential negative outcome on this third rock.

The world can essentially be yours. peace,lvoe and succe SS

Sydrain, its all about reenforcement and incentive. Somehow, your are aware on a certain level that there is a chance your actions will get a negative response (negative re-enforcement), and you have not setup the proper incentives for you to act regardless of that possability.

Really the answer to overcomming this is a very personal one, its dependant on the type of person you are. Do you thrive on positive re-enforcement, negative re-enforcement, outside influence, monitary gains/loses, inward or outward competitveness?

For instance if you where the type to be inwardly competitive, setting yourself goals and challenging yourself to acheive them, then thats how you should handle it...set yourself the goal of opening one girl every outting.

If instead your the type to thrive on negative re-enforcement, everytime you dont act on a IOI or a oppurtunity then "punish" yourself, this could be a negative comment, taking away a source of entertainment, etc.

If your driven by monetary gain or lose give a buddy 100 bux and tell him for every girl you go talk to he gives you 20 bux...and whatever is left at the end of the night is his to keep.

Find out what will drive you to make the change, then set it in motion. As an example i recently made myself a bucket list, one of the things on it was surfing. This last weekend i was on the beach and was having a mental debate wether i should go in and try or not. The water was freezing, i was tired, etc etc...and at some point i thought to myself "If i dont try it and i never scracth it off my bucket list ill regret it my entire life, now is as good a time as any..." and i jumped up and just did it. I found out i suck at surfing, and got banged up a bit...but at least i can say i had the experience and i tired it, no regrets.

Do the same for yourself, put a system in place that inspires and motivates you and use it to attain the golas you want to achieve...with women, in your life, etc.

In other words, kick yourself in your ass and get over there and talk to the girl, lol.

As Ka said, if you don't, you'll only end up regretting it later because you'll wonder "what if . . ." and will never be able to answer that.

Short circuit the whole process before it starts. Within 2 seconds, go over and talk to the girl, regardless of whether she gave an AI/IOI or not. Just do it. You'll be amazed at how many friends you accumulate, if nothing else happens.

Ka wrote:

Sydrain, its all about reenforcement and incentive.....Find out what will drive you to make the change, then set it in motion....Do the same for yourself, put a system in place that inspires and motivates you and use it to attain the golas you want to achieve...with women, in your life, etc.

I've given this a bit of thought. Self motivation has always been a weak point to my character. While I haven't really figured out what motivates me, I have thought back to times when I was the most motivated. For me, it seems to come down to this, I've always been most motivated when I have people around me with the same goals. This isn't just in a "follow the leader" sense. Even in situations where I was the leading influence, as long as someone was along with the ride I'd say I was more motivated. If those around me are being lazy, I'm that much more inclined to be lazy myself. The energy of those around me has always seemed to kind of feed my energy. I guess you could say that I'm socially motivated. A bit ironic, considering I'm usually not one to fall to peer pressure. That being said I do think this board helps, and that I should put some focus on finding a co-conspirator irl.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Short circuit the whole process before it starts.
Within 2 seconds, go over and talk to the girl....

The 3 second rule, I'm quite familiar with from my days in retail. Ironic how, when I worked retail, approach in that context was no problem. Everything I did when I worked retail applies so directly, yet because of context, I make it difficult on myself. 5 years of retail experience, and I could talk to anybody about anything, when I was in "uniform". Approach, and comfort building are skills I have, and I know this. As you say, its just a matter of "getting over myself" and "just do it".

As usual thanks for the comments, and support. I have a tendency to over think, and ramble, but getting the thoughts out helps.

A co-conspirator in real life. Dude . . . you're in Owensboro. Practically my neighbor. Get your butt up here and we'll hit some venues . . . up to 4 nights a week. There are plenty here. On the right weekend I'll even have a pivot/wingwoman to help you.

Ha, I know, i know. Last few weeks have been kinda hectic. Last weekend was a bachelor party, birthday party this weekend, been short on cash because of both. Excuses, excuses. Next weekend should be doable thou.