:( A little situation

I have a little situation and I know i can count on my buddy's at the TPF for some help and comfort.

*I know you guys don't support oneitis and this isn't oneitis i was just going out with this girl for 4 years.

Well as I said me and this girl have been going out for 4 years on and off. About a month or so ago, we got into a little argument and broke up. We haven't spoken for the entire month, but I will admit I have shown some AFCish behavior. I've text messaged her on several occasions, called her as well. Last night in particular I text messaged her first "We need to talk call me by 6:30 or I'm calling your house". She didn't call me so I called her. Nothing, 7 rolls by and I text her "I don't know you anymore, and maybe I never did, your such a different person. People who treat you like shit you treat like gold. I dont want anything to do with you anymore". Now the reason I sent the last text is because I didnt want her to be in the position of power, I wanted the last say in things, and at the time I thought that was right. The right thing would have been to not contact her for the entire time we were broken up, which i should have done. But everytime I've texted or called she completely ignores me which is what she has done in the past as well.

Also this current girl I'm seeing sent her a picture in a bra saying "I love bigP" and they exchanged a few emails back and forth arguing girl stuff. I didn't tell her to do this I guess she was jealous of my ex.

Now what makes matters worse is she is going to prom with this guy who I absolutely hate! I don't want anything to happen between the two of them. This girl I know said she saw them holding hands and there always together as well for the last couple of weeks. Prom is tonight and I don't want anything to happen but I really can't do anything.

FUCKED up situation and I'm really upset over it I don't know what to do overall. I honestly have such bad feelings towards her right now how can she do that...

BigP, she obviously controls the frame at this point because she's in the position of being able to deny your requests. I wouldn't be suprised at all out of jealousy or revenge that she's using this guy, she knows you hate, to take her to prom. The best thing you can continue to do at this point is like before ignore her. Of course, you are going to see them at prom this evening. You can bet she's going to test your frame and patience by kissing the guy and potentially other stuff. She's going to try and rub it in your face. Seeing as how the girl sent her those pictures, even though it wasn't you, she's going to do this. All you can do presently is mentally prepare yourself, and tell yourself it's going to happen. Also, make sure not to react to it. Don't be tempted to see her kissing her guy, and then kino to kiss your girl. Because she will know it's affecting you, and working. Go out enjoy your prom man, have a good time with the girl you are with, and flat out ignore everyone who's not in your immediate set.

Don't call, text, or email her at all for a while. Try to take the frame back by freezing her out. With some luck things will come back together later on. Just enjoy yourself at prom!

Peace & Love

JSmooth wrote:

BigP, she obviously controls the frame at this point because she's in the position of being able to deny your requests. I wouldn't be suprised at all out of jealousy or revenge that she's using this guy, she knows you hate, to take her to prom. The best thing you can continue to do at this point is like before ignore her. Of course, you are going to see them at prom this evening. You can bet she's going to test your frame and patience by kissing the guy and potentially other stuff. She's going to try and rub it in your face. Seeing as how the girl sent her those pictures, even though it wasn't you, she's going to do this. All you can do presently is mentally prepare yourself, and tell yourself it's going to happen. Also, make sure not to react to it. Don't be tempted to see her kissing her guy, and then kino to kiss your girl. Because she will know it's affecting you, and working. Go out enjoy your prom man, have a good time with the girl you are with, and flat out ignore everyone who's not in your immediate set.

Don't call, text, or email her at all for a while. Try to take the frame back by freezing her out. With some luck things will come back together later on. Just enjoy yourself at prom!

Peace & Love

Thanks J I really Appreciate your advice. I'm actually not going to the prom mine was last year and I went with her. I haven't seen her in a month and the way things are going I think she may be going out with this guy I'm not sure, but possibly. She knows I hate his guts though, like I cant stand him. SO I wont know what goes on and nor will I have contact with her for a while.

I guess I do have to just freeze her out and enjoy my life and just forget her right? If she calls me I'm not answering im gonna play her game 10x harder. Just forget about her and freeze her out..

Excellent decision man! Just live your life like you want, above all else HAVE FUN, and ignore her.

Yeah, I know that's what I have to do and I should have just stuck to that from the start. BUT I kind of broke down. Like she shows no emotion at all like how can she not answer after us going out for so long i dont get it...

Whats the best way to just get my mind off her?

dude, if you lose someoen that close to you, 4 years.. its gonna hurt. my ex gf and i were in it for 3 years, then she broke up wiht em for this other fuckin loser.. whois uglier then me.. ALL HER FIRENSD SAID SO.. and it got me into this community.. i still sometimes find myself fighting the urge to call her.. i stell feel lonely at 3 AM when i cant sleep and i feel lonely and shit.. but then i think... we have all been through this.. So many people survived genocides.. there are 6.45 billion people on earth today, we are in the middle of a population boom. And i wil be damned if i let my sadness cloud me judgement.. 1 in 6.45 billion people.. that is what that girl is.. a decimal..compared to how many people you could potentially interact with.. u seem like a really sweet and amazing guy, and u diserve someone who will not only accept ur sweetness, but show it upon you.. Love is a 2 way road... you dnt take turns loving.. and u dnt turn it on and off.. love is constant.. if it si not, it is not real love.. scientifically speaking, love is just a pair bond.. but romantically speaking.. love is essential to reproduction and survival.. along with mental wellbeing.. what im trying to say is. . <---- u see that dot.. thats a decimal.. i know it hurts.. but dnt let something that small rule you.

You didn't take the position of power. You haven't had the position of power for the entire last month. Most likely you didn't have it when you were together either. She WILL use this guy to get to you, as J said. in fact, she MAY even really like this guy. Look, you two are over. You are with someone else, she is with someone else. You WILL NOT change things the way you are acting.

The BEST thing for you to do at this point is to get INTO the girl you are actually WITH now. Obviously she likes you or she wouldn't have pulled that stunt. Sure, she might be a drama queen, but for now, get into HER, not your ex!

i think what i said was a tad bit nicer .. i think this is the most common problem with up and comming PUA's and this is the primary reason they flock.. so the pepe who ahve been in this game for awile are really sick of haring it.. i might be wrong.. matter of oppinion

RussianStar wrote:

dude, if you lose someoen that close to you, 4 years.. its gonna hurt. my ex gf and i were in it for 3 years, then she broke up wiht em for this other fuckin loser.. whois uglier then me.. ALL HER FIRENSD SAID SO.. and it got me into this community.. i still sometimes find myself fighting the urge to call her.. i stell feel lonely at 3 AM when i cant sleep and i feel lonely and shit.. but then i think... we have all been through this.. So many people survived genocides.. there are 6.45 billion people on earth today, we are in the middle of a population boom. And i wil be damned if i let my sadness cloud me judgement.. 1 in 6.45 billion people.. that is what that girl is.. a decimal..compared to how many people you could potentially interact with.. u seem like a really sweet and amazing guy, and u diserve someone who will not only accept ur sweetness, but show it upon you.. Love is a 2 way road... you dnt take turns loving.. and u dnt turn it on and off.. love is constant.. if it si not, it is not real love.. scientifically speaking, love is just a pair bond.. but romantically speaking.. love is essential to reproduction and survival.. along with mental wellbeing.. what im trying to say is. . <---- u see that dot.. thats a decimal.. i know it hurts.. but dnt let something that small rule you.

Waoh Russian I can totally relate to this and I totally see what you are saying. People are in much worse situations then stuck up over some stupid girl. People had to fight in WWI, WWII, Afghanistan, Iraq, Heck there are people in this world with no food and I'm letting myself get hung over a "." . Seems a little rediculous, but yes at those times at 3am when you can't sleep i can totally relate I find myself urging to call her.

I guess the best thing to do right now would be to find my core, do the things that really make me happy, and freeze her out.

Thank you for the kind words as well man

L.A. Tripp wrote:

You didn't take the position of power. You haven't had the position of power for the entire last month. Most likely you didn't have it when you were together either. She WILL use this guy to get to you, as J said. in fact, she MAY even really like this guy. Look, you two are over. You are with someone else, she is with someone else. You WILL NOT change things the way you are acting.

The BEST thing for you to do at this point is to get INTO the girl you are actually WITH now. Obviously she likes you or she wouldn't have pulled that stunt. Sure, she might be a drama queen, but for now, get into HER, not your ex!

Thanks for the advice TRIPP. I agree I have to just do the things that make me happy and essentially forget about her and freeze her out. It just angers me to think of her with another guy and potentially being intimate with him. BUT if thats the way its going to be onto the next girl in the 6.5 million on this earth shes not worth my time

RussianStar wrote:

i think what i said was a tad bit nicer .. i think this is the most common problem with up and comming PUA's and this is the primary reason they flock.. so the pepe who ahve been in this game for awile are really sick of haring it.. i might be wrong.. matter of oppinion

Sometimes hearing the same thing in a slightly different way comes through better to the person. I know Tripp can be very blunt at times, and that is his way.

By the way, If we were sick of hearing it why would we have started our own forum. Matter of Opinion!

So if I did want her back the only way would to be to do the exact opposite?

Freezeout + Focus on myself and my own happiness?

why do u want her back when she hurt u so much

That's my question too. Why DO you want her back? Why did you two break up?

Well she kind of broke it up with me because i don't know just stupid little arguements. We went out for 4 years so of course I'm going to love her you know. I think what hurts more is the fact that shes going to prom with another guy I really don't want her to do anything you know cuz I see her as my girl. I really care about her, but I mean if she's going to treat me like that whether its for attention or not, thats just dumb.

After going out with someone for 4 years, of course theres going to be a bond there. I just don't she how she could do that, not even have the curtiousy to call me. Im just hurt more then anything. I don't mean to sound like an AFC or a WUSS im not its just when your with someone that long they mean quite a bit to you.

I guess I have to just forget about her..

Its easier said then done though all I can think about right now is her prom...

It doesn't help that you are dwelling on her, her prom, and the guy you don't like.

I know lol, its just hard to forget about it. I'm going to a club tonight anyway so hopefully that will help. I will try to keep her off my mind.

girls off the mind on and on the cock.. thats the wrong way to treat girls but u need to get over ur one-itis

Heres an email with some useful info that a friend of mine who was helping me out cuz I was really crushed last night I think it has some good thoughts id just like to share:

Hey Frank,

I appreciate all of the help man! I know it is a tough situation man, especially seeing her go to prom. I'm not going to be at the prom, mine was last year she is a year younger. I am going to go sarging tonight at a club with a buddy of mine which should be a good time, and get my mind off her. Shes one girl in 6.5 billion but its hard to think of her that way.

-Im in first year university 19 and shes 18 in gr.12.
-Yes actually it is the same girl
-I know I shouldn't have even texted her the day after we broke up I should have totally froze her out. I think thats what I have to do now if i even want a remote shot correct?
-Yeah I know The text was really bad and calling her I just didn't know what to do I was that stuck.
-Yeah this guy is a big chode honestly, hes very ugly, and I don't even think she's seen a girl. This guy though is honestly a guy I really hate and she knows that. I just have to look at him as a cunt and thats it if she wants him her loss.
-People are fucked up and maybe shes not who I thought she was.

Thank you for the reccommendation bro I appreciate that as well. I'm not going to be at the prom but I've been working on my banter and I'm very confident now I will post up a FR of my night at the club hopefuly I get a few nice closes.

BUT

In terms of her I think the best thing would be to freeze her out until she contacts me at least 2-3 times correct? And then the 3rd time contact her a couple days later. Thats just my opinion.

Thanks again man I really appreciate it!

i strongely recomend you go sargin

Yeah that's what I'll be doing tonight. I'm going to a club with a buddy of mine.

I've been thinking and @*#$ shes a bitch for being like that I don't deserve to be treated like that. AND beyond this, regardless if I did want her back, this isn't the way. I think as I mentioned to my friend I have to freeze her out and wait until SHE contacts me at least 2-3 times. Then MAYBE if i feel like it I will contact her 2-3days after the 3 time she tries to contact me. I have to switch it to the role that I'm the prize that she wants to win over. Also Russian what you said about her being 1:6.5 billion is totally true.

Its really hard to sometimes think in the above terms but whenever I find myself drifting I just have to reframe.

I'll make a FR of my night out tonight, thanks again everyone for all the help, its a tough time for me.

REFRAME: Thanks for all the help, I'm going to have a great night tonight, and shes just another girl!

Cheers!

there ya go broski!!

Hey guys,

well my light last night went VERY well I'll write up a FR!

http://www.tripps-pua-forum.com/field-reports-f61/bigp-s-amazing-night-out-t1287.htm

I am happy you had a great night out, but I have to delve back into the topic of this thread. I can comprehend the length of time of she and you had was indeed longer than a hollywood nuptial agreement. Than again, in the timeframes of relationships things like this occur all too often. We have reached a certain consensus, that you must concentrate on the 'new girl' and I think you can't forget about this ex-girl at the moment, in fact that would be too hard of a stressor on your psyche. I think you in your case, it might be good for you to periodically think of her and rationalize how difficult she's being in relation to you and proceed to solve that one-itis equation. peace,lvoe and succe SS