A bad situation

I'm writing this, out in the open, for public view, because 1) I need to air this out, 2) I may need a public record, and 3) maybe, just maybe it can help someone else to avoid the same situation.

I've been with one girl for 8 years or so now. Yes, an LTR. Married to her actually. I've also been with another girl for about a year and a half now too. Yes, another LTR, a girlfriend actually.

Multiple relationships, in and of themselves, are fine. However, you do need to be honest with all females involved, that there are other females in your life. Yes, both of these girls knew that.

Alright, with my situation, I actually did NOT plan to have two LTR's going, and definitely not for this long, even after the second one started. It's kind of like what some guys talk about, such as Johnny Soporno, where he has multiple girls going at once, with ONE primary. Well, although technically you can't have TWO "primaries", that is in essence what I've had going on. I've had others along the way as well, so these two would be considered primary.

At some points, I was ready to cut loose the longer relationship. However, recent events have shown me the folly in that.

I have kids with the longer relationship. I also have one coming with the shorter LTR. Now I will always have some kind of tie or connection with this woman. However, she's not exactly . . . mentally stable anymore.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love both of these women. I would never trade the time I've had with the longer one. I also cherish the things I've shared with the shorter one.

However, lately, raging hormones among other things have brought out a completely different side of the shorter LTR.

Guys, the woman has no explicit "right" to know your detailed finances, especially if she doesn't want to share explicit details of her own. If you're staying together, sure, you both SHOULD know each other's explicit details. If you're not staying together, there's no reason to, and if there's a kid involved, the COURT will decide how much support is to be paid, not the woman.

Also, if she threatens to not list you on the birth certificate as the father, you can and should get a paternity test done. If necessary, even fight her for custody. Especially fight for custody if the entire family thinks there is something wrong with you . . . if there's not anything wrong with you. If everyone says your mental and she's not . . . and she's showing clear signs that she needs help, that's a good reason to fight for custody.

When you're "always" wrong in whatever the issue is, when surely you won't ALWAYS be wrong, then you don't let her walk all over you and say "yes dear" admitting that you're always wrong. The relationship is not healthy.

When she starts always looking for reasons why you two won't work . . . fine, let things not work, let her go.

If you're one person battling the influence of the entire family, and they aren't coming around to you, it's not a good sign long term. For instance, this girl's family is extremely judgmental, even though 99% of them have never met me and are too scared to meet me or find out any facts. I don't care personally, but when you're one person going against the influence of the entire family, it's a hard battle. There are many times when just my influence was strong enough to break through and many other times when the entire influence of her family was overpowering me.

If you're wrong for getting upset, but she's always justified or validated in her own anger, something isn't right.

You should suggest counseling. If she's too afraid to go and confront her own faults, also not a healthy relationship to be in either. If she demands you pay for the counseling, do it. It will be worth that in the end.

Sheesh LA you have some very interesting things taking place in your life bruh. You what it feels like to now be a minority man who dates a girl whose family hates the holy hell out of him. I say that to say this, the family has to be extracted from the situation, that is the best way to keep that in case you want to keep it. peace,lvoe, and succe SS

Fortune, I do understand where you're coming from.

Well . . . there will be no birth certificate. Went to the OB today . . . no heartbeat . . .

This post really hit home having gone through the paternity test and fighting for more access.


Bad news about the baby. Seems like you've been though a lot recently. You'll be ok though. Hope you make the right decision with the 2 ladies in your life.

Thanks randy. Yeah, dealing with a lot for sure. Trying to listen to my heart as well. Not always an easy thing. Especially when your mind gets in the way.

When your restless and can't focus or keep still when one person is out of your life, it gets you thinking about a lot of things. However, trying to balance that with logic, looking at the other side of the equation, doesn't always work either.

I've been told, just tonight, that I've been holding myself together very well through this, that most people would have broken down by now. Honestly, I am breaking down, inside. I did have a store worker pick up on that today. Someone I don't know. Just a girl ringing me up at the tire and lube center at Wally world. Pretty bad when some stranger can tell something is wrong.

It's scary that one person can fuck with your head to such an extent. I don't know if that's love, fear, or manipulation.

I've always had people come to me about their own inner game. Kind of funny at this point, considering my own is in shambles.

And . . . hilarious that I had a great night at the club Friday, in spite of all this. Opened a wedding party, had a 9 or so give ME kino, EC, smiles, etc. As I moved away, she chased. End of the night had a girl dancing with me that's actually a regular, I've just never pursued anything there, thought she had a b/f. She pushed the kino escalation onto me, lol.

Oh well . . . I'll be alright . . . hopefully sooner rather than later, lol.

Dealing with a make or break point in a relationship, with the loss of yet another child . . . I've realized I have conceived at least 10 kids . . . and 5 of those are currently living. I feel like I'm trying to drop them into the top of a funnel faster than they can drop out of that funnel.

Well, we all have obstacles everyday. I'm facing mine head on, as always.

Thanks for the support guys. This is why I love THIS forum.

Tripp I had no idea. Doesn't surprise me a strager noticed, noone can keep their gaurd up 24/7 and it seems like you're staying strong for your friends and family. I'm glad you're able to open up here. It doesn't do any good bottling everything up all the time.

You know we are here for you Tripp...

Not sure what to say man. Other than you've given me your ear, encouragement, and advice over the last few months. If there was anything I could do to return that, I would.

Once again, thanks guys. This is why I love THIS forum. Close knit lil group. As I said, as always, I'm facing it head on. Been talking to her a bit the past couple of days. Spent a few hours with her tonight. Both of us helping support each other. Me getting to say a "bit" of some good-bye's to our baby. Just kind of . . . almost quiet time, together. Enough to calm my mind down a bit.

Dude I just read your post. I am sooo sorry. I will pray for your family.