"Having tools" versus "using tools"

Larock, buddy, this question is to get others' input . . . for you.

I you "had" a tool that was awesome and caused girls to open you . . . wouldn't you "use" that tool to your advantage? Or, would you let that tool sit and "not wear out"? Of course, it wouldn't wear out . . . cause you're not using it.

For instance, you have a car that girls will drool over. You're going to a get together where you KNOW there will be a ton of girls. Some even available girls. Yet . . . you let your awesome girl drooling car sit . . . and you rent a different car to go to this get together.

This is comming from a guy who hasnt had his own car for 5 years...

Id drive any car up and down the street 24/7 just to be seen driving...even if i was in the oscar myer weiner mobile.

Should you rely on the car as your only positive attribute, of course not...but not using your car to get opened is like not using your mouth to talk, or not using your nose to breathe.

Essentially every opener you would use is just an excuse you give the girl to get to know you better anyway, your cars no different...its like me using my good looks, charm, swagger, amazing personality, ...well you get the picture

Plus you're already paying good money for the current tool.

Larock, someone just made a comment to me that got me thinking. Do you think that I don't ever fail? With girls or with anything else. Do you think I'm immune to failing?

Sounds kind of silly to me. Obviously he is purposely trying not to stand out.

I don't know about larock, but speaking for myself I used to have a strong fear of standing out. I was one of the kids that was picked on in my middle school years. Thanks to those experiances I was taught standing out = ridicule. Obviously this an absurd lesson, and there is nothing wrong with standing out. None the less it was an unhealthy fear of mine foe years, and one that I think still holds me back at times.

Actually, I hear and understand those experiences Sydrian. I was also that kid. What you don't realize is . . . the kid that's picked on and ridiculed . . . DOES stand out, just not in the way you want to. Throughout middle school, but also before that, I was picked on too. I was discarded, cast aside, even spit on. Yes, literally spit on. Obviously it wasn't a fun time of my life.

What's ironic is . . . when I was in Kindergarten through probably 2nd grade, I had really cute girls into me. Then something happened and I went the other way and ended up being the one bullied and put down.

So yeah, I ended up in that position that you are describing. We can't let that shit, and it is shit, hold us back later in life though, especially not years after the fact. It's pointless and senseless. We are giving that time of our life power over us a decade later? Does that make sense to do that? You know the people that exerted that power over us back then . . . likely either don't remember or have in some way moved past it themselves. Yet . . . we are still giving that crap power over us . . .

Nope, gotta cut it off.

Oh, I totally agree 100% Tripp. I guess I was getting along the same lines as you. You just spelled out out more clearly than me. I learned to not let it bother me fairly young, and I just let that kind of shit roll of me. The insults weren't the worst part. It was that it taught me the WRONG lessons at that age. Anyway all we can do it take it one day at a time, and try to improve along the way.

Wow my own personal question thread. Interesting stuff. Let me dive right into this:

1) Pensacola to Evansville is about 600 miles. That's a lot of travel distance. I just didn't want to put a whole lot of miles on her - but I guess since I have the car - I mine as well use it. I do understand what your saying.

2) I hate to use this comparison but I've been drinking and it seems like a good idea at this point in time. Michael Jordan is the greatest player in the history of the NBA. Did he win ALL his games? No. Could he smash my ass in a game of horse? Yes. You - might not be the GREATEST pick up artist ever - but your damn good. Do you get ALL the girls, ALL the time, no? But you could show and teach me so many things.

3) The way I dress and what I drive - i stand out. To me I have to because if I didn't - if I looked like the avg white guy driving a Ford Focus - then nobody would pay any attention. It's like my peacock feathers. Granted, once I get the attention - i have NO idea how to use it - the attention is still nice none the less.

You missed tripps point on #2...his point was failure is inevitable...its not an excuse not to make the effort. Its the same as giving up on life because you are gonna die eventually.

Im probably the poorest member of this forum, and im am far from being a great PUA, if anything im still much closer to beginner then pro...i dont have a car, i live with my parents, i make in a month what you probably make in a day, maybe a week....

But when i see a girl i like i look her in the eyes, i walk straight and look ahead of me...and i have no problem chatting up strangers..occassionally (seems like when im not thinking about it) even opening up girls. Im confident in who i am as a person, i know im a good person, and worth being with.

You need to forget the material things, they dont define you...but you do have them and itd be a slap in the face to people without it to not use it

Point 1 . . . well, I didn't press that point because of the trip to Evansville. I actually pressed that point because, as you finally said . . . if you have the car (and are paying good money for it) you might as well use it

Point 2 . . . I actually was NOT trying to say I'm the greatest, lol. Let's make sure we clear THAT up REAL quick, lol. No, actually I was coming at it from a failure standpoint. As in . . . I know, I know you're personally scared of failure. I UNDERSTAND that fear. So, my point was/is that I don't succeed all the time either. I didn't want you to have any illusions that I can push and say everything I say because I simply don't fail. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Point 3 . . . nothing at all wrong with peacocking the way you are peacocking. Like you said, you just need to know what to DO with the attention once you get it.

LOL, well Ka, you beat me to it . . . but that's ok Thanks!

I always thought that using that tool depends. In the case of cars i hate seeing some of the cars that drive around the city all weekend but a cool car is something else. If you got a tool then use it to back up yourself i think. I say i ride a motorbike even if im not legal to have a passenger. i like that idea that it is a tool for others to learn about you.

I think LA you will learn to use the attention you get. It like learning to accept compliments, once you can, you can play around with it and take it as its full meaning.

Who wants to mediocre when you can be rad.

Umm . . . Matt . . . were you drunk when you posted this? LOL.

Yes, it is not a good idea to not use your tools. Point is also given that knowing how to use the tool does go a long way. Still, you need the tool to begin with. Star, go ahead and get this thing together. peace,love and succe SS

Much easier said than done.

A co-worker of mine said that I don't deserve that car since I have no idea how to "use" it. I kinda feel like Van Gough just doodling on scratch pieces of paper.

Your co-worker is wrong, you know exactly how to use it...better then most id say. Whats really going on is your making excuses and not doing it.

"Much easier said then done" is something someone says when they have no intent on being ambitious and going after something because its not easy to get.

Do you think that was the mentality of the Spartans, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, etc...Did these groups or people get ahead because every time a challange presented itself they said "Easier said than done"? Or did they get ahead because they, despite the difficulty, pushed forward?

We can sit here and tell you til we are blue in the face (im pretty close) to get your head right, and the rest will follow...but we cant do it for you, you have to NEED that change.

Ka is right, change isn't a choice, it's a need