Girl likes to cuddle but not kiss

I've been out with this girl a few times. She is the most affectionate girl I have ever dated.

From the second date on, she is constantly cuddling, holding my hand, grabbing my arm, etc. We went to the movies and she practically sat on my lap.

We went back to my place and were lying on my bed. She threw her arms around me and put her head on my chest. She is constantly rubbing/massaging my arms, hands, legs, etc.

But here's the thing-- she never gives me that "three second stare" like she wants to kiss. I'd kiss her on her cheek, but she wouldn't turn her head to kiss me on my lips. She never kisses me on my cheek or anywhere else. When I walk her to her car, she huggs me, then we -peck- each other on the lips.. She is avoiding kissing, but she is otherwise all over me. I don't get it..

The simplist explaination is that maybe I have bad breath.. But I doubt it I've never been told I have bad breath by anyone.. So I think there is another explaination..

What do you guys think? We met on eharmony.. so you would have to assume it wasn't a LBJF situation, otherwise, wouldn't she be more upfront about it?.. What should I do next?

Reasons I could come up with:

- Trying to take things slow.
- Afraid of escalating the relationship into something more physical.
- She is not attracted to you

a couple of questions before I put my input in. One: is she a virgin? Two: do you know how many stable relationships she has been in?

I suggest skipping foreplay and just try and stick it in her butt.

i think shes trying to takes things slow...try and escalate a bit and see what happens

Paramour wrote:

a couple of questions before I put my input in. One: is she a virgin? Two: do you know how many stable relationships she has been in?

I HIGHLY DOUBT she is a virgin. She's 29. She's been in LTR's before. Actually, she told me she used to be attracted to the 'bad boy,' but "the bad boy is not the guy you marry"

She definitely has a presence about her, too. She's really out-going, fun to be around- definitely not the shy little girl. It just seems so odd for her to be so all over me affectionate, yet not willing to kiss.

~Meg~ wrote:

Reasons I could come up with:

- Trying to take things slow.
- Afraid of escalating the relationship into something more physical.
- She is not attracted to you

She texts things like "hey handsome" etc..
She is always texting me, wanting to hang out.. I turn her down a lot because I have other dates (albeit not as hot), who -are- down with it..

Could it still be that she is not attracted to me?

it took me along time to read ur post properly that signiture is intense lol. i dont have any thing to add except whats happend to friends. my friend didnt hook up with her bf for a fair while because she "didnt want to give it up to easy". her words exact. maybe just do the do u want to kiss me question. i dunno women will be able to help alot more than me

OUCH. OK, what I'M getting from this, and I could be way off, but what I'm seeing is . . .

She will ALWAYS feel some kind of attraction to the bad boy type, but she figures the bad boy type isn't the type that you marry, so she's not looking necessarily for hook ups anymore but for someone to settle down with. At least, that's her logic. But, I promise you, the bad boy type can STILL get into her pants, AND get kisses from her too, UNLESS she's one of those girls that kissing is more intimate than spreading her legs is.

So basically, her brain is fighting her own self. Her logic is fighting her desires. The question is, will you flip the desires up on high so that they overcome the logic?

Dude!
I've been recently , about a week ago, in exactly the same situation !
I've dated a girl whose text messages were so clear that she liked me. We cuddled. A LOT OF KINO. Just all the same things as in your post..
But when I tried to kiss she pulled away.
I made a look on my face like "wtf are you doing" , and she said "it's a philosophy I'll explain tommorow when we go drink something".
I didn't go drink something with her, I flaked on her. Went with some other girls on a nice trip and did a cold freeze out on her.
She texts me constantly ( btw, this is the first girl I did october man sequence on and it works so wicked ! ) for meeting up. I'm busy, but guess I'll make a lil' hole in my schedule for her.
I don't want to close her, cuz after all, I'm not attracted to her anymore; I'm just curious about the philosophy and me and her have a fun time together.
I'll post here later.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

OUCH. OK, what I'M getting from this, and I could be way off, but what I'm seeing is . . .

She will ALWAYS feel some kind of attraction to the bad boy type, but she figures the bad boy type isn't the type that you marry, so she's not looking necessarily for hook ups anymore but for someone to settle down with. At least, that's her logic. But, I promise you, the bad boy type can STILL get into her pants, AND get kisses from her too, UNLESS she's one of those girls that kissing is more intimate than spreading her legs is.

So basically, her brain is fighting her own self. Her logic is fighting her desires. The question is, will you flip the desires up on high so that they overcome the logic?

Took the words right out of my mouth Tripp!! Her logic setting but not her emotional one. I think shit testing is taking play here just to see if he just wants to jump into her pants or is he willing to wait sense is on her brain. That is common with women in that sense of those who are ready to settle.

Ask her!

Paramour wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

OUCH. OK, what I'M getting from this, and I could be way off, but what I'm seeing is . . .

She will ALWAYS feel some kind of attraction to the bad boy type, but she figures the bad boy type isn't the type that you marry, so she's not looking necessarily for hook ups anymore but for someone to settle down with. At least, that's her logic. But, I promise you, the bad boy type can STILL get into her pants, AND get kisses from her too, UNLESS she's one of those girls that kissing is more intimate than spreading her legs is.

So basically, her brain is fighting her own self. Her logic is fighting her desires. The question is, will you flip the desires up on high so that they overcome the logic?

Took the words right out of my mouth Tripp!! Her logic setting but not her emotional one. I think shit testing is taking play here just to see if he just wants to jump into her pants or is he willing to wait sense is on her brain. That is common with women in that sense of those who are ready to settle.

I like this girl. She's LTR material. So do you think I should just essentially let her control the pace?

Certainly I shouldn't ask her, should i?

Personally, I wouldn't let her control the pace, but that's just me. I think you should still lead by pushing the boundaries. Show her that you are comfortable with yourself, comfy in your own skin, comfy with yourself sexually, etc., like you would with any other girl. You progress things along, push through the resistances, etc. When you've pushed too far for the moment, you back off just a bit and push again later.

Asking her could be risky true but it could help open her up and help build trust. I'm old school, I'm not a big fan of games. If she gets all pissy about it, she probably has some hidden issues anyway.

I agree with Christopher. I don't know if PUA's would codone asking... but you say she is LTR material. Part of a relationship is communication. Girls always find it interesting that I ask them instead of trying to assume. One of the girls I talk to now actually said that most guys aren't confident enough to do that and she enjoys that I do it. Because most guys are scared that the answer will be indicating their doing something wrong.

My motto is a a girl knows her mind and body better than I do. So if something is not going how I think it should, I'll ask. Can't say thats pua-litically correct, but its how I've always done it.

Actually, I see nothing wrong with that myself.

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Exactly. As I've got in my sig . . . challenge her. If she gives you a response like that, push her away. Tell her that's cool, you can go ahead and take her home right then and there if she needs to take things slow. You show her you don't NEED her.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Exactly. As I've got in my sig . . . challenge her. If she gives you a response like that, push her away. Tell her that's cool, you can go ahead and take her home right then and there if she needs to take things slow. You show her you don't NEED her.

If he DOES like this girl I'd say that is a BAD move. She is going to automatically assume that he is in it just for the sex and that might be the end of that. She is already afraid of escalating into something more physical.

Ugh.. I was in this situation recently in one of my FRs.. and I got the "I want to be a good girl 2nite" Line. Im a big guy... so if i get pushy at all its intimidating towards a smaller petite type of girl.

~Meg~ wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Exactly. As I've got in my sig . . . challenge her. If she gives you a response like that, push her away. Tell her that's cool, you can go ahead and take her home right then and there if she needs to take things slow. You show her you don't NEED her.

If he DOES like this girl I'd say that is a BAD move. She is going to automatically assume that he is in it just for the sex and that might be the end of that. She is already afraid of escalating into something more physical.

Cool. Do you care to give your own input then, since you disagree with me? Tell him how you think he should handle her.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

~Meg~ wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Exactly. As I've got in my sig . . . challenge her. If she gives you a response like that, push her away. Tell her that's cool, you can go ahead and take her home right then and there if she needs to take things slow. You show her you don't NEED her.

If he DOES like this girl I'd say that is a BAD move. She is going to automatically assume that he is in it just for the sex and that might be the end of that. She is already afraid of escalating into something more physical.

Cool. Do you care to give your own input then, since you disagree with me? Tell him how you think he should handle her.

Well I don't know what his goals are...sex, relationship, fwb etc etc. Clearly she is looking for something more serious so if he isn't maybe he should just move on...

BUT...I agree with you to an extent Tripp. I do think he needs to convey the message that he doesn't need her. I think what you mentioned is called a freeze out? A good way to go about this is to say something like , "You are not allowed to cuddle with me today." So in a way you are not giving in. She might try harder and it could escalate things. If it doesn't then the next time they meet he can give more kino and go for a kiss.

~Meg~ wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

~Meg~ wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

Exactly. As I've got in my sig . . . challenge her. If she gives you a response like that, push her away. Tell her that's cool, you can go ahead and take her home right then and there if she needs to take things slow. You show her you don't NEED her.

If he DOES like this girl I'd say that is a BAD move. She is going to automatically assume that he is in it just for the sex and that might be the end of that. She is already afraid of escalating into something more physical.

Cool. Do you care to give your own input then, since you disagree with me? Tell him how you think he should handle her.

Well I don't know what his goals are...sex, relationship, fwb etc etc. Clearly she is looking for something more serious so if he isn't maybe he should just move on...

BUT...I agree with you to an extent Tripp. I do think he needs to convey the message that he doesn't need her. I think what you mentioned is called a freeze out? A good way to go about this is to say something like , "You are not allowed to cuddle with me today." So in a way you are not giving in. She might try harder and it could escalate things. If it doesn't then the next time they meet he can give more kino and go for a kiss.

Actually Meg, you and I are on the same page. I just didn't make my point clear enough on my previous post. As you realize, the whole point IS to show her that he does NOT need her. He's not needy or clingy, even if she IS. I don't know that she is. Obviously she's affectionate, which is good. Whether she is clingy or not, I don't know, and frankly it doesn't matter for this situation anyway.

Yes, what I have suggested is a freeze out. Just as what you suggested is a mini-freeze out. They both serve the same purpose in the end, which is what matters. However, I realize that mine came across much more rudely than what I had intended. If I was in person demonstrating, it would be seen that I wasn't suggesting to be an asshole with it. Rather, something more like . . . "I want to take things slow" . . . "OK, that's cool. Tell you what then hon, I'll just take you home. I won't force you through this night." At that point, I would immediately turn to start walking to the vehicle, expecting her to come along. She would immediately realize I'm not bothered by this and have no problem with taking her home. In other words, I don't NEED Her. But, my words also show that I'm not being an asshole about it too. Most likely, she would verbally and physically tell me no, that she wants to continue on with the night, kino would come out of it, then he could look into her eyes to go for the kiss. It's push/pull.

Hope that makes my previous post clearer. I've been very busy lately and haven't brought all my points across clearly enough.

Cock Diesel wrote:

I guess it's not so much saying something like:

"so, I see you don't like to kiss"

But how would you handle it, or what would you say, when she says:

"I don't want to escalate things"
"I want to take things slow"

etc?

I would then ask her for her reasons for those statements. Depending on the reasons given would decide if I did the suggested freeze out or not. For example, she may be scared from a past experience. You two discuss that and that conversation will more than likely strengthen your emotional bond. I would only use a freeze out if she deserves it. Her being emotionally hurt or whatever else it could be doesn't warrant being ignored in my opinion. And in some cases, that would just reinforce her fear of escalating. Recently a girl and I were doing various physical things but for some reason, she wasn't using her tongue in kissing. I got curious and asked. She told me, I understood the reason, and I didn't even think about it anymore. A few days after that conversation, she started doing it without warning to me. The problem got fixed because I was understanding and communicated with her, the thing a relationship is about. She actually told me how shes never had a guy communicate so well before.

That's my two cents.