The The Dictionary of Online Game (don't take this too seriously, its mostly for laughs)

thin - anorexic

thick - fat

average - fat like everyone else

a few extra pounds - fat and delusional

more to love - fat and needy

more cushion for the pushin'! - fat and slutty

BBW - fat and doesn't plan to diet

curves in all the right places - and in all the wrong ones

junk in the trunk - of a station wagon

junk in the trunk and attic - fat and can't flesh out a metaphor correctly

not too fat and not too thin - too fat

not concerned about looks - fat and fugly

take care of myself - fat and vain

beauty is in the eye of the beholder - will make you go blind

athletic - I am or was at one time a man.

"I'm tired of the bar scene" – somehow being drunk and easy is not panning out

"I love sports" - I will suffer whatever you want to do on Saturdays so you'll think I'm cool and don't worry , I'll bring this up when I wanna go see "Valentines Day" or "New Moon"

"Go (some team)!" - my ex-boyfriend or ex-husband liked (some team) so I have a sweater with their
name on it

"I can go out on the town, or a quiet evening at home" - I stay at home until someone pays to take me out

"I like a man in uniform (military)"- $400,000+ would be awesome if you died!

"I love Marines" - I love a strong back and weak mind!

"I love Coasties" - I love foreign STDs and international baby-mama drama OR I'm from Japan or the PI

"I love Sailors" - See Above

"I love Soldiers"- I love your SGLI and bah

"I love Air force"- see above

"dinner and dancing" - you'd better have money

"looking for someone secure" - you'd better have money

"I like to travel" - on your dime, you'd better have money

"I like road trips to no place in particular" - I want to waste your gas.

"looking for someone stable" - you'd better have money and a house

"looking for someone who has goals" - you'd better be planning to get more money

"not looking for a momma's boy" - because I don't want competition for controlling you

"family is very important to me" - be prepared to spend every weekend and holiday at my parents'

"single mom" - looking for money and a new daddy

"not looking for a daddy, my kids know who their dad is" - just looking for money because the dad is poor

"my kids are my life" - I don't want to sound like a selfish bitch because I'm looking for a date

"my kids are my life" - be prepared to take a back seat to my overindulgence

"I don't have kids, but I want them someday" - I don't plan on ever having a job

"I can cook" - I can operate a microwave

"I'm very domestic" - I'm a houseplant that doesn't understand fun

"I'm intelligent" - I can spell most words and believe that equals smart

"I'm articulate" - I never shut up

"I enjoy a good debate" - I never, ever shut up, and I yell

"I read a lot" - of fast-food menus and magazines

"I write poetry" - and I'm going to make you sit through every excruciating word of it

"I love to sing" - and I'm going to make you sit through every excruciating word of it

"I'm not into playing games" - I'm stupid and have been easily manipulated

"tired of the games" - I'm stupid and have been easily manipulated

"NO HEAD GAMES" - I'm stupid and have been easily manipulated

"I hate liars" - because I can't tell when they're lying

"If you're just looking for sex, keep looking" - I gave it up on the first date before and it ended badly

"If you're just looking for sex, keep looking" - I hate men, and therefore sex, but need someone to bring home a paycheck

"If you're just looking for sex, keep looking" - I'm stupid and have been easily manipulated

"looking for a man who knows how to treat a lady" - be prepared to do everything for me

"handyman a plus" – I break shit, have a shitty car.

"concentrating on making myself a better person" - I'm a self-absorbed hippie

"I'm into yoga" - I'm a self-absorbed hippie

"I'm a vegetarian" - I'm a self-absorbed hippie and logic eludes me and I will save the cat before telling you the house is on fire.

"I'm a veagan" - see above,

"I'm a country girl looking for a country boy" – I adhere to very sharply defined out-of-date gender roles

"I like all kinds of music" – I don't really pay attention to any type of music, so I don't care what's on

"I like to spend time outdoors" – sometimes I open a window

"I like to hang out with friends" – I am a drunk

"I like to have fun" – I am an idiot [Who doesn't like fun? It's fun. Why would you write that? Jesus.]

"I'm up for anything" – I expect you to come up with ideas

"I'm very spontaneous" – I'm a flakier than a bowl of Wheaties

"I like long walks on the beach" – it looked romantic in that one movie I saw

"I like to take long walks" – I don't own a car, hope you do

"I take care of myself" – I spend all day in the bathroom

"Must love cats" – my house smells like pussy and not the good kind

"Must love dogs" – my house and my car smell and theres hair everywhere

"Must love kids" – my house and car stink and are messy

"Must love birds" – I'm just kidding, no one ever owns a parakeet for more than a week

"Looking for friends first" – be prepared to spend money on me and not get sex

"Looking to take it slow" – because I didn't before

"I don't expect you to be perfect" – because I am very not

"I'm not into drama" – I'm into drama

"I am separated/going through a divorce" – hope you like drama, 'cause that's what's for dinner

"I am a Christian" – and I think I can make you one

"God is very important to me "– I don't listen to any good music

"God is very important to me" – I used to be a drunk/junkie/slut and now substitute the Jesus for it

"God is very important to me" – I'm a psycho who is a van trip away from joining a cult

"I'm young at heart" – I'm old at face

"Age is just a number" – and a back problem

"Looking for a nice guy" – I attract losers

"Looking for a nice guy" - to not have sex with

Picture is taken at an angle- ugly and/or fat

covering part of her face in a picture- ugly, or the covered part of her face is severely mangled/mutilated/burned

picture is blurry- ugly and/or have acne

only pictures of her face- fat

no pics with her smiling - teeth are yellow/crooked/missing

no picture - So ugly not even gonna take a chance

"I'm not good at writing about myself" and follow it with eight paragraphs about herself - She's annoying

"I'm an independent woman" -probably a bitch

"I'm living life to the fullest" -full of herself, or full of shit

"I'm looking for the perfect guy" - delusional, most likely a Twilight Fan

"I'm not rude, I just tell it like it is" - She's rude

"I don't play games" -She plays games and loves every second of it.

"My Cell Phone" as something she can't live without - she'll be texting on our first date.

She has several pictures of herself drinking - She's a drunk, will probably give it up on the first night an wonders why no guy ever calls her back or only calls after 11pm.

"I'm opinionated"- I've developed rigid, unreasonable opinions about nearly everything, and I feel compelled to inflict them on anyone who happens to be within earshot. It's my duty.

"Music is my Life"- Not only is she unoriginal, but she has no life

She lists hundreds of artists/bands/books- If you don't like any of those, game over

She mentions anything related to "Twilight"- Either she's 14 or she has the mind and emotional stability of one, RUN.

"You must be at least 21"- You must be able to pay for my drinks

"Looks don't matter to me"- Unattractive, fat

"I like guys several several inches taller than me"- Oedipus complex for women.

"So independent!"- she has a Vibrator and a stable job

"I'm bisexual"- I think this lie will make me more attractive, I occasional make out with other girls when I'm drunk.

"I'm sarcastic"- I'm a acid tongued bitch and my idea of humor is mocking everything the few people who can still stand to be around me say or do, and I find myself to be hilarious beyond description.

"I want a man with a sense of humor, who can laugh at himself" - see above

"I have lots of male friends"- I enjoy stringing them along and most women are bitches to me

"I tell it like it is" - there is only one way to look at anything, and I know that way....and you're gonna hear it...constantly. It's my role on Earth to educate the unwashed masses.

She drops the name of some obscure band that like 12 people have heard about- google that shit and learn everything about it! Or you won't be getting any kind of play! lmao

"I need to be attracted"- About as a deep as a puddle of diarrhea.

"I'm so tired of tools/douchebags/assholes" - I'm attracted to tools/douchebags/assholes.

"I like to play videogames" - I suck and I'll only play with you if you watch "New Moon" with me.