The "Big Mistake" That Makes Him Withdraw

Tons of women do this one thing.

And it must leave them feeling awful...

I wonder if you do it too?

I'm talking about women who hide their true
feelings from a man and fear sharing their
desire for a closer relationship and for love.

Ever felt this way?

It's happens when you won't communicate
directly with a man about your feelings because
you think you'll "scare him away".

Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare
him away.

The way you talk to a man about a relationship
turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN
CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.

I'll come back to this giant mistake in just
a quick second...

First, I'd like to talk about what I've
seen in the dating world as a guy and share a
FASCINATING story with you.

I've had women communicate their feelings
with me in all sorts of different ways from joy
to anger to frustration, and I know what each one
does to a man.

(and in a larger context, what communicating this
way does to any person in general - man or woman)

There's a pattern to the dating experiences
that I'd like to share.

THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

(let's pretend I'm the man in this story and
you're the woman. You and I meet. We both like
each other... lucky me!)

Feelings develop for us both on several levels.
(physically, emotionally, socially)

You try to be "patient" and not express too
many feelings and what you want to play it cool.

We have a great "connection", but we never
talk about what we want in our future around
dating, a relationship or marriage.

Time goes by and things are great for us.

Eventually, you begin to see that you're not
getting what you want from me in the relationship.

You want more, but you're scared of talking
to me about it because you don't know where I'm
at.

You're scared because I've talked to you
about all the bad experiences I've had with
women in the past.

And sometimes I even make negative remarks
about women and their emotions.

You don't want to ruin the good things we
have going and rock the boat, but in the back
of your mind you know that you'll want to deal
with the negative emotions that are slowly but
surely building in your mind.

Then as I start to see us growing closer,
I begin to use my past issues to tell you that
I'm not looking for much more than what we have
right now.

So you don't say anything to me directly
to communicate what's going on for you and
your feelings.

And of course, being a normal guy, I don't
say anything either. (Of course, I'm a man!)

You become frustrated and confused that I'm
not acting how I used to act.

Things begin to change with the way I treat
you.

I don't pay as much attention to you anymore.

I don't surprise you or bring you flowers
anymore.

I'm tired everyday after work and just want
to watch tv when I get home.

I call you less frequently.

I don't initiate sex as much anymore.

You even consider that I could be seeing
someone else.

And after a few months - I've become more
and more distant.

And what happens next?

You decide you're not happy with where things
are and it's time to have a talk about where
we're at.

But you're SCARED of expressing your
feelings about what you want, so you let things
build up inside you until you begin to let your
frustrations with me show.

And to wrap the story up...

You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE
WITH A MAN...

You start a conversation about the relationship
and then you "let me have it"!

(you get upset and lose your cool with me)

All your desires, fears, frustrations and
dreams that you've been holding inside away from
me all pour out in one big emotional explosion...

This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing
and yelling, but not exclusively.

Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps
tears.

It might include:

-Complaining about the current state of the
relationship

-Talking about the things he does wrong with you

-Showing your frustrations about what you feel
is missing

-Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd
like him to feel

-Bringing up past issues, arguments or
disappointments

But it always creates a lot of emotional
tension and "drama". Especially in the guys mind.

This is THE LAST THING you want to do with
a man if you want to get some POSITIVE results
with him.

That tension that's created stays with him,
and he NEVER forgets it.

In his mind, he now thinks of you as
"hysterical" and full of issues.

His mind defines you by what he saw in
your behavior, and it scares him.

This is how you're going to act when you
don't like what's going on or you feel "stressed".

And this is what he's going to experience
more and more of with you if he stays with you
and becomes MORE COMMITTED to you.

Yep, I know it's not fair, but it's the
REALITY of how most men feel when they
experience these kinds of things with a woman...

No matter how much she loves him and wants
the relationship to work...

And no matter how good her "intentions" are.

I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men
talk about this exact perception of a woman, and
how they fear being with a woman who they think
will act this way with them on a regular basis.

In fact, this fear is so great in most men,
and they want to avoid being around this kind of
thing with a woman, that when they see it even
once... that's it.

Yeah, I know... it's immature, selfish and
not fair on one level, but it's the reality of
the situation that lots of women end up in with
men.

So how do you avoid this if you still want
to express your FEELINGS?

I'll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.


Step 1) Just Like A Man Needs To Understand
You... You Need To Understand What's Going On
Inside The Mind Of A Man....

Let me tell it to you straight, as a man.

Women secretly believe that their connection
with a man will "naturally" turn into something
deeper without any communication taking place.

Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about
what's going on.

Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men.

If you're "assuming" you have a relationship,
and that he feels like you do, you're wrong.

Men don't assume that a connection, being
together, spending quality time and all the rest
means they're in a committed relationship.

Some men do, but not most.

For a man to know he's in a committed
relationship, and understand the things YOU
want in that relationship, YOU have to
communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT
terms.

Yeah, that's right... You have to put
yourself out there and be vulnerable.

Scary!

But I hear lots of women think that other
women are just lucky to have found such a
great guy where everything just "falls into
place" since it's meant to be.

And while there are some men who are more
equipped and ready for a healthy situation
with a woman, it's NOT luck that women in great
relationships have found a way to COMMUNICATE
with their guy.

In other words... they've taken time to find
the right information, and to learn to integrate
a certain way of communicating with a man into
their relationship.

It's not easy, but there is a quick way to
do it.

Keep reading...


Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You
To Make "The Big Mistake"

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first.
It's basic human nature.

But being able to delay your gratification
is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life.
(in every part of your life!)

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk,
talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.

The root of this problem basically boils down
to needs that are unmet.

So making "The Big Mistake" is really all
about being driven by your unmet needs and
desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the
relationship to be... without honestly and
critically considering the man's perspective, his
emotional state, his commuication skills (or the
lack thereod), and where he's coming from at
the same time.

When you do this with a man, you are
subconsciously telling him that you're more
interested in your feelings and what YOU want
than you are in his feelings and what he wants.

And men can read and pick up on women who do
this INSTANTLY.

I see a form of this "Big Mistake" communication
all the time in business too, by the way.

Some business professionals are the worst
at this self-absorbed "need" oriented
communication.

Like when someone calls me who wants to
get something from me or sell me something and
they're not very experienced or polished at it.

The first thing I pick up on is their selfish
agenda... and it instantly puts me on the
defensive.

But if they've done their "homework" on me
and understand at least something about MY NEEDS
and what I'm looking for... instead of what THEY
WANT from me... then when they talk it changes
everything.

The second I hear that they've thought about
what I want and know how to help me get it, they
immediately become someone of value.

Someone I will listen to.

It's very simple... but extremely powerful.

So let's take this concept directly back to
communicating with men.

It might sound cliche', but you've got to
learn to listen and understand where's he's
at and where's he's coming from.

This cliche' is a around for a reason.

It works.

Patience, empathy and understanding are the
first steps towards creating the relationship
you dream about.

But you've got to be careful to not become
the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets
walked on.

Use your common sense and intuition to
safeguard yourself - I know that your female
perceptive abilities aren't used nearly enough,
so put these strong tools to good use.


Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

Let me give you a vital piece of information
when dealing with men....

Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying
the things that are "obvious" to women in dating
and relationships.

I would know. It's taken me ten years to
begin to understand these things for myself -
and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.

Sorry though, I'm "spoken for"...
(Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)

Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.

So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and
participating in conversations about deep
emotionsand relationships.

Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost
always up to you to make this communication
happen.

It's important to remember to approach the
entire conversation from the perspective of
talking about what you want AND what he wants.

If you can make a guy feel like you put his
feelings and needs a priority in this
conversation, and always consider what he
wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!

There's no rule that says you can't consider
another persons opinions and feelings first in
order to get what you want.

In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let
the other person talk first.

When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have
the advantage. You know exactly what the other
person wants... and knowledge is influence and
power.

I'm not saying you need to take on hard-core
negotiating here with a man, but some of the
same rules and principles about people and
psychology apply.

When you talk to a man from a positive place
of listening first, he will be 10,000 times
more receptive to what you have to say and what
you want once you bring it up than if you
approach him from a place of feeling hurt,
communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.

Try this instead...

Ask a positive question or give a positive
statement such as, "Honey, I was thinking today
that I was happy to be with you."

It might sound submissive, corny or
difficult to say to someone you're having a
tough time with, but think about it...

If you're going through all the trouble to
worry so much about the future with this person,
this is already what you're thinking.

Your Friend,


Christian Carter

Aww, I like this post...sort of. I disagree about the "emotional" oubursts. When a woman has "emotional" outbursts about telling how she "feels", it is totally psychosomatic because these are signals the man is sending the woman....plain and simple, he has already jaded the situation because of his emotional factors upon a previous relationship..Basically, both parties are not playing with a full deck, so what is the point.....