BadBoy Lifestyle in RED Magazine

"Seduced by a Master Seducer"




They exist: secret communities of men who teach eachother how to get any woman in bed with "psychological tricks." Oh really? Do they really think that intelligent women would fall for that? Sharon van Minden investigates. "And actually, he is very attractive..."


The Game

Through a contact of mine I am granted an interview with "Passion" (yes, they all have a code name), the lord and master of DutchSeduction.com, the Dutch community of pickup artists who exist since 1999 and organize regular workshops (like Tom Cruise gives as the master seducer in Magnolia under the motto: Respect the cock). I want to see this illusionist at work, the master magician of seducers. We agree to meet at cafe Suzy Wong in Amsterdam. I have no idea what he looks like or what I can expect from him. When I ask how I can recognize him, he answers dead serious: "Ask for me at the bar when you get there" as if it is the most normal thing in the world to go into a cafe and say that you are looking for "Passion." As soon as I arrive at Suzy Wong I quickly scan the room (a cafe with a lot of red and black, a mix or Eastern chic and French bordello) and go sit at the bar.



I"m nervous. Blissful in my ignorance I have never met a PUA. Through the glass door I see a man who looks like a mortgage salesman standing outside. He waves enthusiastically at me. That has to be him. He approaches me. "Uh, Tanja?" he says a little bit insecure. This is lame; he and I have been mailing back and forth for a few days and now he can"t even remember my name. That"s probably what happens when you meet so many women. "Uh, no, Sharon," I answer. I see him looking at me doubtfully. Then he pulls a photograph out of his jacket, throws me a critical glance and realizes that there is misunderstanding. We both have a blind date here with different people at eight o"clock. Then suddenly another man arrives, handsome with short dark hair and a cool leather jacket. "Hi, Sharon?" Let the game begin.

"Passion," he says as he shakes my hand. "Let"s find a quiet place." (Aha, isolate the woman, rule number 5.) We go and sit at a table at the back. He doesn"t want to reveal anything about his private life, his age or his real name. His relaxed way of looking at me makes me feel less nervous (the you go first principle: if you yourself feel relaxed, the other person will also feel more comfortable). His charm is overwhelming: personally tailored compliments, a very warm smile and a conspiratorial wink, after which we talk about my Chinese astrological sign (this is chick crack, introducing a spiritual subject to get her to open up). Bull, ox and then small talk. He asks me if I can tell him a situation in which I felt at ease, where everything was positive, comfortable and safe. I am being "anchored." Anchors, questions about positive life experiences are used by the seducer to put his target into a relaxed and positive vibe. I figured him out, I celebrate in silence, but continue to play along. Full of enthusiasm I find myself telling him about a dream I once had about dolphins. I feel the beautiful sensations of this dream rising again. I realize that I am indeed in a very relaxed mood. Damn, his tricks work even while I know what he is doing to me. Passion flashes a friendly smile. Self confident. Actually he is very attractive.

Enthusiastically I order another drink. We continue talking and seems as though we have the same taste in music. He has even lunched with the singer of my favorite band! Is this also a trick? Is he trying to build intimacy by talking about common interests?

"Seduction is all about finding the way to someone"s heart," says Passion. If he wasn"t so charming, and his smile so friendly, I would think I was listening to a TV preacher. According to Passion, Neil Strauss and his comrades are so good at seducing women because they have developed their communication skills. They listen to women, an art that many men never master. The more different types of women the PUAs get to know, the more effortless it becomes for them. They radiate self confidence, and that is what makes them attractive, Passion explains. After this introductory skirmish, he finally gets down to business. I notice a blond bombshell passing by and ask him what he thinks of her. He gives me a sultry glance and whispers something about threesomes. (That"s rule 8, turning her on.) I push my wine aside and pull my sweater tight. I know his next trick: encourage physical contact. I try an escape maneuver by taking over the conversation. "Has your view of women changed now that you know how easy it is to seduce them?" I ask Passion. A monologue follows about what intriguing creatures women are. I can"t resist resting my hand on his for just a second. (There he is: rule 9, collecting "indicators of interest".) When he glances back at me a second later, I wake up. I already have a boyfriend! We"ve just bought a farm together and have big plans for the future!



And this is the professional Casanova. Subtly, it has to be said, I am being seduced. And with my complete cooperation, which makes it even more embarrassing. But this emotional conflict is very convincing; without advanced knowledge and a boyfriend standing in the way, I might just submit to the sexual temptation laying right at my feet.

When I finally leave him in Suzy Wong, without a kiss or number close, I know that his night is not yet over. The fire that burns in Passion"s eyes was already directed at another girl even before I had even zippered up my jacket.

Be Forewarned

PUAs hunt for all women, beautiful or mousy, young or a little older, rich or poor, smart or a little dumb. He lets them all think that they are special. How do you know that you are being taken in by a professional Casanova or your future husband and father of your children? If he says that Elvis is actually blond, lets you visualize a cube or begins talking about astrology, watch out and ask yourself whether you want to have a nice evening with this man or to build a family with him. If you"re in the mood for an affair, let yourself be seduced by this pro. Realize that his smooth operating is just a tactic that doesn"t show his true love. Do you want more than a one night stand? Don"t fall to his siege because there is no music here. This man doesn"t want you, at least not really. He wants you only as a conquest, as a notch on his bedpost. Pick up your heels and run for it! Because this PUA can"t be stopped by your disinterest. That is just a bigger challenge.