Why do girls say this...

It seems to me that every women on earth is preprogramed with this damn question every lurking in thier mind, and either dunno or dont care how much it drives us guys completely nuts.

"What are you thinking?"

I mean, really...3 seconds of silence and this question is asked. I glance in any direction and this question is asked...i pause a micro second between breathes and i get asked this question...sometimes (rarely) in the middle of shit where the only words i want to hear out of a girls mouth are directions on what to do to them next...

Please anyone explain to me why it seems like all girls from strangers to long time serious exclusive partners feel the need to constantly ask this question. Also if your a women please let me know if prior to reading this and/or prior to any guy mentioning it, you knew it bothered us so much.

I can only speak for myself and the guys ive spoken to about it, but i have yet to meet a guy that doesnt mind or likes this question.

OOH I hate this damn question! Good call out Ka. I use to get this all the time. A lot of time I would just not be thinking anything but I guess she saw a facial expression that would make her ask.

Personally, I think its because most men don't tell women everything that they are thinking, or why they are thinking it. Most guys tend to keep their thoughts to themselves. Women do this too, but it seems like they expect us to share our constant thoughts that we are having.

So why do you ladies do this!

Oy, it's an insecurity behavior in any social standing. This is why women are the emotional basketcasesthat we are today. See, men speak in a different language from women. Men speak in a logical sense and women in an emotional sense.

Here the thing, communication is the key, right. So when guys don't talk about their FEELINGS or show any affection(most of the time alpha males carry this trait). Then, yes, we ask that very question because we are concerned in some form.

Which makes us think, "Did I make him mad?", "Did I do this or that wrong", "What's he thinking"?.....bla bla bla

Bottom line....Insecure or just communicative women just need to know if her guy isn't ready to talk, he just isn't ready.

An example: A woman asks her b/f where they are going, well all her b/f hears is: "Stop telling me what to do". He knows she is "insinuating", stop and get directions. This is where the whole 'survival' thing us women have, kick in!

Something I forgot: Men don't tend to talk about the relationship because they are in happy mode about it only if there is a problem mostly will it be brought up. That is why women ask that question if in a situation where HER feelings aren't being demonstrated or she feels they are overlooked. So, women need to know,as well, if her guy isn't talking about feelings and that lovey dovey shit then everything is all good.

Sometime I take it as a shit test really, whenever a girl as the question, depending how her voice tone is being used

Juice wrote:

Sometime I take it as a shit test really, whenever a girl as the question, depending how her voice tone is being used

We could, but understand, we still ask because we are still unknowing of what a guy thinks. If used as a shit test, then if we say key words that we want popped in your head and it's something we already know the answer to, then we want to know what your answer is so we can talk about it or see if you're telling us the truth or just something we want to hear.

Paramour wrote:

Here the thing, communication is the key, right. So when guys don't talk about their FEELINGS or show any affection(most of the time alpha males carry this trait). Then, yes, we ask that very question because we are concerned in some form.

Which makes us think, "Did I make him mad?", "Did I do this or that wrong", "What's he thinking"?.....bla bla bla

I had to reassure my girl just last night. Men and women do talk two different languages. You've hit this on the head Par.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Paramour wrote:

Here the thing, communication is the key, right. So when guys don't talk about their FEELINGS or show any affection(most of the time alpha males carry this trait). Then, yes, we ask that very question because we are concerned in some form.

Which makes us think, "Did I make him mad?", "Did I do this or that wrong", "What's he thinking"?.....bla bla bla

I had to reassure my girl just last night. Men and women do talk two different languages. You've hit this on the head Par.

Of course I did, I used to ask that question. Now, if I do ask that, it means I want to know if we're on the same page just in general...not about feelings. I've managed to shut that switch off, atleast for the time being.

Seriously i dont know why, but that question is like a verbal kick in the balls to me...i simply cant stand it. Now i can see what your saying Para, but i cant agree that its completely emotional.

A girl i was gaming said this to me the first time we were together just taking a walk. We are walking along not talking about anything too serious just having fun and enjoying things, we finish a convo and theres like a 2-3 second pasue then she asks this question.

I just stopped walking and was laffing but im like "are you serious, i cant beleive you just said that...". Kinda did the Tom Cruise laff and tossed my hands up and then broke into talking about something else.

I guess i could definatly see it being an insecurity thing, kinda of a combo of validation/hoop test. Obviously such a vague question like this cant have a right answer...but giving the answer to it is submissive if its out of context (plus they are my thoughts stay the hell outta my head!), and they may be seeking you saying you where thinking about them. I can understand during a fight, or an emotional exchange or something, but walking down the street with someone the first time you hang out...

As J pointed out, and girls seem to have an immensly hard time grasping this, sometimes we are literally thinking of nothing. We dont constantly have to be thinking, we actually need time to just let things sink in. As a comedian whos name i cant think of says, "this is what allow guys to never lose the car in a parking lot". To be honest some of the best time spent with my best friend, is simply sitting on the couch saying nothing...maybe watching TV, maybe not...or taking a car ride with the radio on quietly saying nothing.

So i still dont get it

Eh, women are emotional creatures. I was that girl once.....trust me...I know. In that situation, I can see where you aren't thinking about anything but the girl, man, she has all these adoration feelings going through her mind and she feels so lucky and proud to have someone like you...she wants to know if you're feeling the same as she is....lol....she wants to know if you feel the same about her, as if you're caught up in the moment where her mindset is.

That's the real answer you're looking for Ka.

And for the rest of you guys, you can see that as a shit test/ or where her mindset is with you, when a girl asks you that question.....she wants to know if you're on the level she is.

Ka, I comprehend exactly what you are saying. For the most part when this question arises, to the general male populous this is much ado about nothing, but as Par so eloquently pointed out, women are guided by their emotional compass. Girls are curious by nature. Some of the most attractive women who you have ever met still have some wonderment as to why they were chosen by you. In my experiences this question has not been meant as a sheit test, but an honest inquiry as to what brilliant notion did my mind create.

Women for most part do have a right to ask question when they are spending time with you. A reason as to why is because human beings and their emotions can be unpredicatable at times. When a girl asks this question she may also be seeking for more comfort from you. peace,lvoe and succe Ss

I think thats what bothers me the most, is they literally, wholeheartedly, really want to know what im thinking...what do i say?

"Well, honestly....i was thinking id like to steal a sports car, buying 10 cheese burgers, then beating off while doing 100 mph while pounding down grease ball burgers, then slam the car into a tree and jump out right before i hit the tree..."

or...

"Well i was thinking id like to take that girl over there, and you back to my house...get some ice, whipped cream, strawberries, and maybe a camera and see what happens..."

Im most definatly not ever thinking to myself "omg this is great i wonder what shes thinking about me, is she as into me as im into her, omg my shoes soo dont match my belt or shirt, i wonder if she will smell the garlic from the pizza i had earlier on my breath, and last week Jim said "i dont think so" and now im thinking he meant it to be hurtful, hes such an asshole....o and i wonder if shes in this magical moment like i am right now?"

Im sorry a bit of a rant, but seriously i guess what bothers me is its a completely harmless, honest question (come to think of it its the only question a girl will ever ask that doesnt have other motives)....but they ask it at the worst times when im not thinking of anything, anything important, or anything relavant.

Btw thanks to all for the input, but im still clueless as to why girls feel the need to do this I guess im logical and analytical by nature and the concept of emotionally based thinking doesnt apeal to me.

lol *Raises hand* I actually love this question. I have a very wild imagination. There are times I am not thinking something just happy mode with a smile on my face.

Yall should give one of these a try. I have a violent imagination so most of the time I come up with. "I was thinking what would happen if a man came in here with a gun. Who would die first and how would he pick?"

"I was thinking how could it would be if some samurai's came out and started fighting"

"I was thinking what would happen if I punched that baby/kid in the face"

I usually get wild with them and most of them don't make sense. But always finish with. "What were you thinking?"

Paramour wrote:

she wants to know if you're feeling the same as she is....lol....she wants to know if you feel the same about her, as if you're caught up in the moment where her mindset is.

That's the real answer you're looking for Ka.

I could understand this in say an intimate moment, or maybe an akward place inbetween fueds or something...but seriously the first casual time spent together is not the right time to ask...theres not really a connection by then. I mean sure we where vibing well and bantering and such but it was all light. Its not like ima turn around and look her in the eyes and go "your so special im just so lucky to have spent the last 3 hours of my life with you..." because i honestly practically just meant her, i barely know her lol,

Idk if im looking for a special answer, to be honest i just feel better spelling this all out...anything else is a bonus.

LMAO, It's not a special answer you seek. This subject has a wide spectrum of outcomes...yay! Women are 'lovestoned' when they meet someone who has substance, in their eyes. They get so fucking emotional internally, that is what they are actually thinking when they ask that question. Insecure women ask that question because they are fishing or curious as to how the date is going, what you think of her; ya know, the lady questions that if we hear the right answer our beating hearts will just explode with joy....lol

If we hear good things then that's when clingy women will start to show their true colors..ugh!!(if the woman is real insecure).

If we hear neutral undertones, then we know where you are with everything and keep it paced out.

Of course there are guys that come right out and say it and sometimes if the outcome isn't good or if it sounds like the is a total tard or flake then we know not to fool with you anymore.

I could talk about this subject all day because all women are different in their own respects, but we share one thing, we want to be happy!!