Frame controlling among friends?

This has always been a sticking point for me. I have always been able to sense when someone is trying to dominate the frame, now I have a name for it, but I still have trouble responding.

For example, I get this message via Skype from my good friend who lives in the same apartment complex as me:

"bring me your hd tomorrow morning. i am going to show FIGHT Club in my Monday class during the final"

Now we regularly communicate through this medium, so shooting me a message like this is not unusual. This is also a reasonable request--he has borrowed my external harddrive in the past, and I have had not problem. I would say socially we are approximately equivalent in status.

The problem should be evident to most people reading this--it is not a request...it is a command. Such an assertion of dominance, I think, should not pass without comment.

With that said, I HATE people who are overly uptight. I might say, "if you ask nice then sure"...but that is something my mother would ask me to. It also seems unreasonable to say no--I will be passing by his room on my way out and could just leave it outside his door. I actually am dubious as to whether he intentionally is trying to assert dominance or if I'm over anaylyzing...I would guess he is not.


How would you respond in this particular situation?

I would say he's not trying to dominate, but simply talking to a friend. Personally, i would drop the HD off and go do my own thing.

I just respond to that stuff "I may if your lucky" or "Maybe". Then giving it to them, or giving them a hard time-- whichever I feel like doing at the time.

Hot diggety!

I have this one friend who I think has done this his whole life around me..
This will be an example from recent:

ex. at highschool: i've made plans with one of my buddies for lunch, and I tell him to spread the word to "dude" if he catches him walking. When I find the guys at lunch, "dude" is already standing there.
He says:
Dude: Heyy! Look Diamond, I'm not sure if you'got plans, but "I AM" going over to "other dude's" house for lunch and I guess you can come along too if you're not up to anything.


Dude probably did not know that I made the plans anyways, but:

-Dude makes it look like he is tring to save me from an uneventful lunch break
(you can come..if you're not up to anything)

-he also has to announce that he is going, showing that he has value
("I AM" going over to "other dude's" house..)

-Dude and I usually go over there quite a few times a week anyways
(I'm not sure if you'got plans, but..)

He assumed the frame. There you go.