I don't understand people... This is what's going on so far.

How it is.
If I check my inbox [myspace, facebook, my mailbox, anything really] there's a high chance I have no messages in it [aside from spam].

If I sit idle on aim, or any other chat service there's a high chance no one will message me.

I do not have a phone, nor a job, and live in a job where it's difficult to get a job unless you're a social person or know people. I'm not social and don't know people.

I have a few friends who I see ONLY at a coffee shop down the street from my house. When something is going on outside of this area, like a party, I'm never invited. However people talk to me when I'm there.

So I started going to a different coffee shop, but it's the same situation.


Then there's my mother's house. When I go out there to visit. Things are worse. I'm in the process of moving in with her, since I don't have a job right now.

The town she lives in is full of people I can't seem to talk to. I'm not at all shy, I just never know what to say. Sometimes I'll start a conversation saying whatever comes off the top of my head and it doesn't work out so well. Most people out here speak in inner city slang. I understand what they're saying to me, but they don't seem to understand what I'm saying to them. Not to mention I'm not really into the whole inner city slang thing.


So, I want to know how to make friends. I want to know how to get my foot in the door for a job cause I really despise relying on other people for anything. I would like to know how to get girls, but that's not as important as having friends and a job. So that takes a back row seat.

What I know, and what I have done as far as girls.
I've only slept with 16 people. I decided to lose my virginity when I was 19, now I'm 25.
Today I noticed that I naturally change my tone of voice while talking to people to match theirs. However I still don't know what to say while I'm doing this. I just say whatever and it usually doesn't work.

The times it does work it goes like this usually.
I met a girl one day while playing a game of chess. I started joking around acting more outgoing than normal. I wanted to know if she liked me so I left the general area to see if she's follow me and she did. After that I did this a few more times to confirm that she liked me. Then I asked for her myspace and gave her mine.

This worked, but all it shows is that I know how to confirm that someone is already attracted to me in a primitive way. I don't know how to make sure they ARE attracted to me to begin with. And I randomly asked her to play chess with me because the situation provided it. I don't know how to provide the situation.

Just now I'm talking to a girl I met at the mall working in the videogame store. I exchanged myspace's with her.

I met her by walking into the store and she asked if I needed help. I said no, I'm just here downloading the free games from the DS download station. Then my little brother said something to her. I don't remember what, but we started talking about the DSi. Then she was busy with a customer. When she was done I asked for her myspace and left to find the rest of the people I was in the mall with.

She said she was getting off work soon, but the people I was with I never make plans around because it always ends up badly. So I didn't even try anything more than getting contact info from her.

here is the conversation I had on myspace IM with her.

me: Hey
Her: hi.
sup?
[I check out her profile]
me: Oh, wow, didn't know you were in a relationship.
Her: its ok
[I'm thinking . o O ( fuck, I don't know if I should still talk to her now.)
me: I guess, I was kinda hoping you weren't.
Her: i know. =.. sorry
. o O (Yeah, this isn't going good at all.)
me: Well this is awkward and I'm not sure what's the polite thing to do.
Her: well, you can continue talking to me as friends, or not talk to me, that is up to you
me: I can, but I'm not entirely sure what to say. I honestly don't have many friends.
Her: Why not?
me: I don't understand sociallizing.
I spend most of my time working out, playing videogames, or something that involves only one person.
Like reading.

Her: Those are all good things though. What do you like to read?
me: Psychology, Chemistry.
I'm reading a book on Intuition right now.
Her: You don't read any novels or anything?
me: not really
Once in a blue moon. What about you?
Her: I haven't been reading a whole lot lately, but I like to. I'm reading the Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd right now.
. o O ( accessing a line I read in a book...found it. in response to someone talking about a story of some sort I say...)
me: Without giving away the ending what's it about?
Her: She's a feminist author. It's about a woman who was your typical housewife and her journey to self discovery.
. o O (Blank....)
me:I see.
Anything like "A tree grows in brooklyn"?
Her: I took a few women's lit classes in college and was introduced to some interesting authors.
I'm not sure that I've read that.
me: I haven't read it since 9th grade.
. o O ( this doesn't look good right now. The conversation's splitting apart).
Her:I'll check it out.
me: Last good book I read, non-text, was "As the crow flies."
Her: I have to get going in a minute. I'm finishing uploading some pictures and then I have to run to the gas station.
me: ciao
Her:
me: ?


Then there was a situation at the coffee shop the other day.

I saw a really cute girl sitting down at a table coloring. But she was next to the wall, then there was someone seated next to her, then both seats on the other side of that table were occupied, then there were people standing in the aisle. A great big road block.

I looked at her and she made eye contact with me and smiled. Anytime I walked past she would make eye contact and keep it for a while and smile at me. But I never talked to her because she was surrounded by people. One guy I knew, but not very well. I play smash brother brawl with him sometimes, but I don't talk to him very much.

And let's see if I missed anything.
no, nothing to important.

First, welcome to the forum. Glad to have you here.

NCJones wrote:

How it is.
If I check my inbox [myspace, facebook, my mailbox, anything really] there's a high chance I have no messages in it [aside from spam].

If I sit idle on aim, or any other chat service there's a high chance no one will message me.

LOL, this is simply because you have to lead before people will follow and come to you.

Quote :

I do not have a phone, nor a job, and live in a job where it's difficult to get a job unless you're a social person or know people. I'm not social and don't know people.

I have a few friends who I see ONLY at a coffee shop down the street from my house. When something is going on outside of this area, like a party, I'm never invited. However people talk to me when I'm there.

Not being social cripples you in EVERY area, not just with finding girls. As you are seeing yourself. Why are you not social? Why don't you want to be social?

Quote :

So I started going to a different coffee shop, but it's the same situation.


Then there's my mother's house. When I go out there to visit. Things are worse. I'm in the process of moving in with her, since I don't have a job right now.

The town she lives in is full of people I can't seem to talk to. I'm not at all shy, I just never know what to say. Sometimes I'll start a conversation saying whatever comes off the top of my head and it doesn't work out so well. Most people out here speak in inner city slang. I understand what they're saying to me, but they don't seem to understand what I'm saying to them. Not to mention I'm not really into the whole inner city slang thing.

Well, what you SHOULD do in this instance is stretch yourself. You don't have to be something you're not, or someone you're not, but if they aren't understanding and you KNOW this, try getting yourself across in a different way. Make sure that you are OPEN to other people being different and NOT judging them being different. It may be coming across from you that you are judging them, without you realizing you are. Or maybe you do judge AND realize you judge. Either way, watch that and change the vibe you're putting off.

Quote :

So, I want to know how to make friends. I want to know how to get my foot in the door for a job cause I really despise relying on other people for anything. I would like to know how to get girls, but that's not as important as having friends and a job. So that takes a back row seat.

Have you ever read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"? If not, you should.

Quote :

What I know, and what I have done as far as girls.
I've only slept with 16 people. I decided to lose my virginity when I was 19, now I'm 25.
Today I noticed that I naturally change my tone of voice while talking to people to match theirs. However I still don't know what to say while I'm doing this. I just say whatever and it usually doesn't work.

Forget your "count" at this point. It's irrelevant. Matching or mirroring others is a good tool, when used properly.

Quote :

The times it does work it goes like this usually.
I met a girl one day while playing a game of chess. I started joking around acting more outgoing than normal. I wanted to know if she liked me so I left the general area to see if she's follow me and she did. After that I did this a few more times to confirm that she liked me. Then I asked for her myspace and gave her mine.

This worked, but all it shows is that I know how to confirm that someone is already attracted to me in a primitive way. I don't know how to make sure they ARE attracted to me to begin with. And I randomly asked her to play chess with me because the situation provided it. I don't know how to provide the situation.

What you did was compliance test her and she passed. Nothing at all wrong with that. It showed she has some level of interest in you, period. You could have escalated from that. Have you read "The Mystery Method"? Or, their follow up book "Revelation"? If not, again, you should. You will get all the basics that way.

Quote :

Just now I'm talking to a girl I met at the mall working in the videogame store. I exchanged myspace's with her.

I met her by walking into the store and she asked if I needed help. I said no, I'm just here downloading the free games from the DS download station. Then my little brother said something to her. I don't remember what, but we started talking about the DSi. Then she was busy with a customer. When she was done I asked for her myspace and left to find the rest of the people I was in the mall with.

She said she was getting off work soon, but the people I was with I never make plans around because it always ends up badly. So I didn't even try anything more than getting contact info from her.

Wait, you don't make plans around your friends because it always ends badly? How is that? What happens? Plus . . . she told you she was getting off work soon . . . THEN you went to meet with your friends? If that's the case, what kept you from making plans THEN with her, BEFORE you went back to your friends? You aren't REQUIRED to hang WITH your friends when you meet up with the girl. Obviously she had SOME interest in you.

Quote :

here is the conversation I had on myspace IM with her.

me: Hey
Her: hi.
sup?
[I check out her profile]
me: Oh, wow, didn't know you were in a relationship.

That line was irrelevant. Did not need to be said at all. She showed interest in you already by allowing you to contact her.

Quote :

Her: its ok

She kept the door open for you.

Quote :

[I'm thinking . o O ( fuck, I don't know if I should still talk to her now.)

Your mind is fucking with you . . . and you're letting it.

Quote :

me: I guess, I was kinda hoping you weren't.
Her: i know. =.. sorry

See, she KNEW already, ahead of time, that you wanted her to be single, to go out with you . . . she KNEW this, yet still gave you her contact info. What does that tell you?

Quote :

. o O (Yeah, this isn't going good at all.)
me: Well this is awkward and I'm not sure what's the polite thing to do.

Your mind is fucking with you, you're allowing it to . . . and in the process your value in her mind has plummeted.

Quote :

Her: well, you can continue talking to me as friends, or not talk to me, that is up to you

She's still keeping the door open for you.

Quote :

me: I can, but I'm not entirely sure what to say. I honestly don't have many friends.

Once again, you lowered your value to her. Although, she still leaves the door open for you while some girls would shut you down already. Tell me, and ask yourself . . . is there really something WRONG with TALKING to a girl who has a b/f or a husband? Are you not allowed to even speak to a girl if she's with someone?

Quote :

Her: Why not?
me: I don't understand sociallizing.
I spend most of my time working out, playing videogames, or something that involves only one person.
Like reading.

You continually DLV yourself, which is not good, and which is also why you're striking out all over the place, not only with girls, but with jobs as well. This mentally, in and of itself, is infectious and will bleed into every area of your life. This needs to be changed.

Quote :

Her: Those are all good things though. What do you like to read?

She's definitely interested in continuing to get to know you. Most girls by now would have been long gone, yet she's actually PUSHING you to know more about you. She actually WANTS to build YOUR self-esteem . . . when you should already have self-esteem and build HERS.

Quote :

me: Psychology, Chemistry.
I'm reading a book on Intuition right now.
Her: You don't read any novels or anything?

LMAO. She's a bit surprised here. That's funny. Would have been a hell of a place to tease her.

Quote :

me: not really
Once in a blue moon. What about you?
Her: I haven't been reading a whole lot lately, but I like to. I'm reading the Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd right now.
. o O ( accessing a line I read in a book...found it. in response to someone talking about a story of some sort I say...)
me: Without giving away the ending what's it about?
Her: She's a feminist author. It's about a woman who was your typical housewife and her journey to self discovery.
. o O (Blank....)
me:I see.
Anything like "A tree grows in brooklyn"?
Her: I took a few women's lit classes in college and was introduced to some interesting authors.
I'm not sure that I've read that.
me: I haven't read it since 9th grade.
. o O ( this doesn't look good right now. The conversation's splitting apart).
Her:I'll check it out.
me: Last good book I read, non-text, was "As the crow flies."
Her: I have to get going in a minute. I'm finishing uploading some pictures and then I have to run to the gas station.
me: ciao
Her:
me: ?

So eventually she still found an escape route. Although, she gave you open door after open door after open door. Normally you would not get that many chances. This girl must be sweeter than most.

Quote :

Then there was a situation at the coffee shop the other day.

I saw a really cute girl sitting down at a table coloring. But she was next to the wall, then there was someone seated next to her, then both seats on the other side of that table were occupied, then there were people standing in the aisle. A great big road block.

I looked at her and she made eye contact with me and smiled. Anytime I walked past she would make eye contact and keep it for a while and smile at me. But I never talked to her because she was surrounded by people. One guy I knew, but not very well. I play smash brother brawl with him sometimes, but I don't talk to him very much.

And let's see if I missed anything.
no, nothing to important.

She kept looking at you and smiling. In her mind she's thinking "PLEASE come talk to me. Be a man. Be a leader. Be someone I can be with. Please come talk to me." And . . . you didn't. You let her down. You should have just started talking to the guy you "somewhat" know, then moved on to talking to her from that.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

First, welcome to the forum. Glad to have you here.

Thank you

Quote :

NCJones wrote:

How it is.
If I check my inbox [myspace, facebook, my mailbox, anything really] there's a high chance I have no messages in it [aside from spam].

If I sit idle on aim, or any other chat service there's a high chance no one will message me.

LOL, this is simply because you have to lead before people will follow and come to you.

Recently a girl started talking to me without me talking to her. But I've made a point to say "Hey, [insert persons name]" to whoever happens to be online without concern of who it is. She says not very many people talk to her outside the coffee shop.

We don't talk about much, just movies and T.V.

Quote :

Quote :

I do not have a phone, nor a job, and live in a job where it's difficult to get a job unless you're a social person or know people. I'm not social and don't know people.

I have a few friends who I see ONLY at a coffee shop down the street from my house. When something is going on outside of this area, like a party, I'm never invited. However people talk to me when I'm there.

Not being social cripples you in EVERY area, not just with finding girls. As you are seeing yourself. Why are you not social? Why don't you want to be social?

I am not social because I don't know what to say after "Hi." When a conversation starts I listen a lot before speaking. I tried talking without thinking but it always turns out bad.

I want to be social, but I don't know how to be social.

Quote :

Quote :

So I started going to a different coffee shop, but it's the same situation.


Then there's my mother's house. When I go out there to visit. Things are worse. I'm in the process of moving in with her, since I don't have a job right now.

The town she lives in is full of people I can't seem to talk to. I'm not at all shy, I just never know what to say. Sometimes I'll start a conversation saying whatever comes off the top of my head and it doesn't work out so well. Most people out here speak in inner city slang. I understand what they're saying to me, but they don't seem to understand what I'm saying to them. Not to mention I'm not really into the whole inner city slang thing.

Well, what you SHOULD do in this instance is stretch yourself. You don't have to be something you're not, or someone you're not, but if they aren't understanding and you KNOW this, try getting yourself across in a different way. Make sure that you are OPEN to other people being different and NOT judging them being different. It may be coming across from you that you are judging them, without you realizing you are. Or maybe you do judge AND realize you judge. Either way, watch that and change the vibe you're putting off.

I'm not entirely sure what vibe I'm giving off, nor why they don't like me. Normally it's a situation where I see someone and I say "Hi, how's it going?" and they say something that can be translated to in an aggressive angry tone. At this point I don't know what to say really.

Last night, before I ran into the two chicks that followed me [maybe's that a different post], I ran into a group of guys in the neighborhood. I asked them what's up and they told me to "slide.". Their body language indicated that slide means "go away."

Do you have any examples of you talking to someone who speaks the same language but a completely different form of slang than you?

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So, I want to know how to make friends. I want to know how to get my foot in the door for a job cause I really despise relying on other people for anything. I would like to know how to get girls, but that's not as important as having friends and a job. So that takes a back row seat.

Have you ever read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"? If not, you should.

Thank you.

Quote :

Quote :

What I know, and what I have done as far as girls.
I've only slept with 16 people. I decided to lose my virginity when I was 19, now I'm 25.
Today I noticed that I naturally change my tone of voice while talking to people to match theirs. However I still don't know what to say while I'm doing this. I just say whatever and it usually doesn't work.

Forget your "count" at this point. It's irrelevant. Matching or mirroring others is a good tool, when used properly.

Quote :

The times it does work it goes like this usually.
I met a girl one day while playing a game of chess. I started joking around acting more outgoing than normal. I wanted to know if she liked me so I left the general area to see if she's follow me and she did. After that I did this a few more times to confirm that she liked me. Then I asked for her myspace and gave her mine.

This worked, but all it shows is that I know how to confirm that someone is already attracted to me in a primitive way. I don't know how to make sure they ARE attracted to me to begin with. And I randomly asked her to play chess with me because the situation provided it. I don't know how to provide the situation.

What you did was compliance test her and she passed. Nothing at all wrong with that. It showed she has some level of interest in you, period. You could have escalated from that. Have you read "The Mystery Method"? Or, their follow up book "Revelation"? If not, again, you should. You will get all the basics that way.

Quote :

Just now I'm talking to a girl I met at the mall working in the videogame store. I exchanged myspace's with her.

I met her by walking into the store and she asked if I needed help. I said no, I'm just here downloading the free games from the DS download station. Then my little brother said something to her. I don't remember what, but we started talking about the DSi. Then she was busy with a customer. When she was done I asked for her myspace and left to find the rest of the people I was in the mall with.

She said she was getting off work soon, but the people I was with I never make plans around because it always ends up badly. So I didn't even try anything more than getting contact info from her.

Wait, you don't make plans around your friends because it always ends badly? How is that? What happens? Plus . . . she told you she was getting off work soon . . . THEN you went to meet with your friends? If that's the case, what kept you from making plans THEN with her, BEFORE you went back to your friends? You aren't REQUIRED to hang WITH your friends when you meet up with the girl. Obviously she had SOME interest in you.

They weren't friends.
It was my family. They had the car, and the keys, and I had no money for bus fair. I could either go with them or walk home. Negotiating with them DOES NOT WORK. No need to say more.

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here is the conversation I had on myspace IM with her.

me: Hey
Her: hi.
sup?
[I check out her profile]
me: Oh, wow, didn't know you were in a relationship.

That line was irrelevant. Did not need to be said at all. She showed interest in you already by allowing you to contact her.

Romantic interest?

Quote :

Quote :

Her: its ok

She kept the door open for you.

Quote :

[I'm thinking . o O ( fuck, I don't know if I should still talk to her now.)

Your mind is fucking with you . . . and you're letting it.

Quote :

me: I guess, I was kinda hoping you weren't.
Her: i know. =.. sorry

See, she KNEW already, ahead of time, that you wanted her to be single, to go out with you . . . she KNEW this, yet still gave you her contact info. What does that tell you?

Honestly, I'm still not sure. I know it means she's interested and knows I liked her more than a friend.
But I don't know entirely what she wanted. I try not to talk to girls who're in relationships, it's never ended well for me.

Quote :

Quote :

. o O (Yeah, this isn't going good at all.)
me: Well this is awkward and I'm not sure what's the polite thing to do.

Your mind is fucking with you, you're allowing it to . . . and in the process your value in her mind has plummeted.

Quote :

Her: well, you can continue talking to me as friends, or not talk to me, that is up to you

She's still keeping the door open for you.

Quote :

me: I can, but I'm not entirely sure what to say. I honestly don't have many friends.

Once again, you lowered your value to her. Although, she still leaves the door open for you while some girls would shut you down already. Tell me, and ask yourself . . . is there really something WRONG with TALKING to a girl who has a b/f or a husband? Are you not allowed to even speak to a girl if she's with someone?

Quote :

Her: Why not?
me: I don't understand sociallizing.
I spend most of my time working out, playing videogames, or something that involves only one person.
Like reading.

You continually DLV yourself, which is not good, and which is also why you're striking out all over the place, not only with girls, but with jobs as well. This mentally, in and of itself, is infectious and will bleed into every area of your life. This needs to be changed.

Quote :

Her: Those are all good things though. What do you like to read?

She's definitely interested in continuing to get to know you. Most girls by now would have been long gone, yet she's actually PUSHING you to know more about you. She actually WANTS to build YOUR self-esteem . . . when you should already have self-esteem and build HERS.

Quote :

me: Psychology, Chemistry.
I'm reading a book on Intuition right now.
Her: You don't read any novels or anything?

LMAO. She's a bit surprised here. That's funny. Would have been a hell of a place to tease her.

Quote :

me: not really
Once in a blue moon. What about you?
Her: I haven't been reading a whole lot lately, but I like to. I'm reading the Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd right now.
. o O ( accessing a line I read in a book...found it. in response to someone talking about a story of some sort I say...)
me: Without giving away the ending what's it about?
Her: She's a feminist author. It's about a woman who was your typical housewife and her journey to self discovery.
. o O (Blank....)
me:I see.
Anything like "A tree grows in brooklyn"?
Her: I took a few women's lit classes in college and was introduced to some interesting authors.
I'm not sure that I've read that.
me: I haven't read it since 9th grade.
. o O ( this doesn't look good right now. The conversation's splitting apart).
Her:I'll check it out.
me: Last good book I read, non-text, was "As the crow flies."
Her: I have to get going in a minute. I'm finishing uploading some pictures and then I have to run to the gas station.
me: ciao
Her:
me: ?

So eventually she still found an escape route. Although, she gave you open door after open door after open door. Normally you would not get that many chances. This girl must be sweeter than most.

Are you saying that I shouldn't talk to her anymore?
What would you do in this situation, the one I'm in now?
And what would you say during the conversation?

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Then there was a situation at the coffee shop the other day.

I saw a really cute girl sitting down at a table coloring. But she was next to the wall, then there was someone seated next to her, then both seats on the other side of that table were occupied, then there were people standing in the aisle. A great big road block.

I looked at her and she made eye contact with me and smiled. Anytime I walked past she would make eye contact and keep it for a while and smile at me. But I never talked to her because she was surrounded by people. One guy I knew, but not very well. I play smash brother brawl with him sometimes, but I don't talk to him very much.

And let's see if I missed anything.
no, nothing to important.

She kept looking at you and smiling. In her mind she's thinking "PLEASE come talk to me. Be a man. Be a leader. Be someone I can be with. Please come talk to me." And . . . you didn't. You let her down. You should have just started talking to the guy you "somewhat" know, then moved on to talking to her from that.

What would you say exactly.
I understand that I needed to go in and talk to her that way, but I don't know how. This is the frustrating part.
The guy I kinda knew, we always play smash and talk mainly about the characters when we do talk. Not much more. So i don't really talk to him too much.
How would you, play by play, do that situation?

NCJones wrote:

Quote :

NCJones wrote:

How it is.
If I check my inbox [myspace, facebook, my mailbox, anything really] there's a high chance I have no messages in it [aside from spam].

If I sit idle on aim, or any other chat service there's a high chance no one will message me.

LOL, this is simply because you have to lead before people will follow and come to you.

Recently a girl started talking to me without me talking to her. But I've made a point to say "Hey, [insert persons name]" to whoever happens to be online without concern of who it is. She says not very many people talk to her outside the coffee shop.

We don't talk about much, just movies and T.V.

LOL, so she's considered low value as well and looking for someone to socialize with too. Why haven't you invited her over to watch some of the movies or shows that you two talk about? Or go to her place? Start inserting some other subjects in there, to give you two more to talk about.

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I do not have a phone, nor a job, and live in a job where it's difficult to get a job unless you're a social person or know people. I'm not social and don't know people.

I have a few friends who I see ONLY at a coffee shop down the street from my house. When something is going on outside of this area, like a party, I'm never invited. However people talk to me when I'm there.

Not being social cripples you in EVERY area, not just with finding girls. As you are seeing yourself. Why are you not social? Why don't you want to be social?

I am not social because I don't know what to say after "Hi." When a conversation starts I listen a lot before speaking. I tried talking without thinking but it always turns out bad.

I want to be social, but I don't know how to be social.

As I said in the other thread, dig into yourself. Have passion about who you are. Convey that passion about your own life when you're talking to others. Or . . . check out some really cool news and talk to people about that, with passion.

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I'm not entirely sure what vibe I'm giving off,
nor why they don't like me. Normally it's a situation where I see
someone and I say "Hi, how's it going?" and they say something that can
be translated to They weren't friends.
It was my family. They
had the car, and the keys, and I had no money for bus fair. I could
either go with them or walk home. Negotiating with them DOES NOT WORK.
No need to say more.

Fine. Then talk to the girl more now and see about hanging out with her soon, somewhere. If you're family is around, but not in your presence, don't let that stop you from making your plans. Determine, to yourself, if the girl is worth you walking, or scrape together money for bus fair.

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Honestly, I'm still not sure. I know it means she's interested and knows I liked her more than a friend.
But I don't know entirely what she wanted. I try not to talk to girls who're in relationships, it's never ended well for me.

She KNOWS you want into her pants, to be blunt. She may not be sure SHE'S ready for that leap . . . but she DID open the door for you. Obviously she likes you enough to see where things could go. Who knows, maybe she's not happy with her b/f? You don't know. You haven't talked to her enough to find out. "It's never ended well for me" is your mind fucking with you again. Don't let it.

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Are you saying that I shouldn't talk to her anymore?
What would you do in this situation, the one I'm in now?
And what would you say during the conversation?

I'm saying you should talk to her more. See where it goes.

I'm also not gonna give you a play by play because each situation and conversation is different, because each person is different. Plus, what "I" would say and get away with when talking to a girl YOU would likely not be able to pull off. At least not yet.

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What would you say exactly.
I understand that I needed to go in and talk to her that way, but I don't know how. This is the frustrating part.
The
guy I kinda knew, we always play smash and talk mainly about the
characters when we do talk. Not much more. So i don't really talk to
him too much.
How would you, play by play, do that situation?

You could comment on something she's wearing. "Wow, that's a cool (item)" or "Wow, I can't believe you're wearing that (item). It so does not work" while adding a smile at the end to show her you're playing around.

You could have started talking to the guy as well. It doesn't mean you have to talk to him for 30 minutes. You could talk to him for 30 seconds before moving on to the girl. The purpose of opening him is simply to get closer to her and be able to smoothly move to talking to her. You could have said anything about the game you and him play together. Whatever.

Once you start talking to her, don't stay on one subject. Move to different subjects and see what you two may have in common to build on later.

Welcome to the forum. As LA stated and all his points I agree with. In my sifting through your thread and subsequent replies. You have a confidenence problem.. NO ans, or if's about it. This is why you feel like you have nothing to talk about with people, or why you continually devalue yourself.

A lack of confidence is akin to the stench of a skunk in human terms. You must learn more about yourself, and put into view what it is you are really aiming for in this life. I think you lack this focus, and have become so comfortable letting others pick out what shoes you should wear, as opposed to picking out your shoes.

For starters, write down five things that you can compromise about yourself and improve on. Ten things that others like about yourself. Name a place that you need to visit. peace,lvoe and succe SS

I'm starting to understand that now.
I don't think very highly of myself, but I'm actually a very great person.

Welcome NCJones.

Dont feel too bad about the job thing. Alot of people are in the same predicament. Just apply apply apply! I think when you have that area of your life taken care of things will come together because you will have a lot more inner confidence. You seem to be getting out despite all your obstacles so thats def a good thing.

Thank you.

Welcome!

Getting a job is easy if you put your mind to it. Write out a CV (check online for help with that). Photocopy at least 50 of them and send them out to EVERYWHERE you could see yourself working. I'd be very surprised if you didn't get at least 5 replies. Also spending a few minutes talking to the person you hand it in to will help tremendously and it will give yourself some practice talking to people.

Your social ability is like a muscle you just need to flex it a little and start to believe in yourself more. Btw 16 isn't a bad count.

randy1random wrote:

Welcome!

Getting a job is easy if you put your mind to it. Write out a CV (check online for help with that). Photocopy at least 50 of them and send them out to EVERYWHERE you could see yourself working. I'd be very surprised if you didn't get at least 5 replies. Also spending a few minutes talking to the person you hand it in to will help tremendously and it will give yourself some practice talking to people.

Your social ability is like a muscle you just need to flex it a little and start to believe in yourself more. Btw 16 isn't a bad count.

What's a CV? is that a resume'?

Recently I've been in the habit of, not matching, but coming closer to the rate of speech and tone of voice of whoever I'm talking to as well as asking them a few questions about themselves. Then I don't talk about myself unless they ask me to or the situation looks as if it's acceptable to do such.

I'm starting to get the hang of this and tossing a few jokes in here and there.

Now it seems I need to learn how to open. I don't know how to do that without a reason for it [like someone is in the possition to give me a job, they have on something interesting that cought my eye or some other prop that gives me an opening to talk about. Or I'm actually thinking about a question that I need answered.].

Yeah a CV is the same as a resume sorry for the British terminology.

Well a you could use "Hey it's my sisters birthday on Friday and your bag caught my eye where did you get it?"

There are loads of opinion openers on here have a look around and see let us know how you get on.