Online openers

Well i have this wonderful idea. currently in order to get openers you'll have to search through all the threads to compile a list and that's inconvienient. But if everyone posts them in one spot it would make life easier.

"I'm casually browsing myspace.
You look hilarious.
- [your name]"

AltruisticAssassin wrote:

"I'm casually browsing myspace.
You look hilarious.
- [your name]"

I wouldnt respond to that.

You wouldn't, but that doesn't mean other people haven't.
Anyhow, the point of this is to post online openers so they're all in one spot.

Here's a few I haven't made up myself. I don't remember who did.


"Hey goofball! You genuinely look like you rock the fuck out in life. That's pretty rare nowadays. Hmmm, my mother told me to never judge a book by its cover though. So if I was to open you up like a book. What would the first few pages say?"

"1. After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart. your ex-hubby, First Name ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup.

2. Let her answer. Then respond with a few sentences on what she answered. End it with: And we divorced because of your fling with the pool boy, Pablo, remember?

3. Let her answer. Then respond with: As far as Pablo goes, I had a fling with your sister right before the wedding while you were taking soooooo long to get ready. You know this doesn't have to get bitter. Remember our pillow fights right before the great sex and the romantic dinners I would make you?

4. Let her answer. Respond to her questions and comments then: Geez, we seem to get a long so well now that all that's over. Ever consider giving it another shot? I mean we were pretty good together.

5. Let her answer. Then respond: Well thanks for the honesty. I wont be so quick to judge this time. So what have you been up to since Pablo? Anything fun happening in our life? Causing any trouble?

6. Let her answer. If there is “How about you?” somewhere in her answer, skip to step 7. If not, respond with: Sounds like you've been adjective. That's good but, ya gotta get out and have a little fun every once in a while. What do you like to do Ms. Her First Name?

7. Let her answer. Then respond with: I like tons of stuff (Or “I’ve been doing tons of stuff” if you skipped step 6). List a bunch of things you like to do and end with: watching Sex and the City ALL DAY! Ok, I made that last part up. lol You are sooo cute.. but I dont think we could ever reconcile the divorce - we are just too similar.. we would fight and throw things and have incredible make up sex all over the place and fight more then sex fight sex fight.. too much drama and intense feelings for me!

8. Let her answer. At this point she should be totally down. Respond with: Well I suppose you're right. It is worth the effort and I do want to be together. I'll promise not to break your heart if you promise to lose Pablo's number. lol Speaking of numbers... I seemed to have lost yours in all the messy divorce stuff. Why don't you send it to me again and we can begin rebuilding. This time it'll be fun, exciting and full of adventure! Plus in the mean time we get to be text buddies! Whatdya say Cuddle Bunny? ~Your First Name

9. If you fail at this point, you’ve done something wrong. Don't give up! Go masturbate to hot lesbian porn. Then begin at step 1 again. REMIND YOURSELF NOT TO BECOME A STALKER ONCE IN A WHILE."
Whoever made those two, wasn't me. but the latter works the best in my experience.

Sounds like you have it all figured out man!

The last two I posted I didn't make up.

However I've been using them in combination with each other. With the marriage opener if someone strays too far away from the initial plan you can throw in the book and it's cover opener without it being an opener.

I.E. a girl responded "Aw, cute. You wouldn't believe what most guys send me. blah blah blah." At this point it would've been a little awkward to talk about Pablo the pool boy. So I said "I try. You seem pretty interesting yourself, but I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. So, if I were to open you up, like a book, what would the first 5 pages say."

BUT the point of this thread is to get a LARGE list of online opener's thrown into one spot so people don't have to go fishing around for them.

"I was looking though peoples profiles today and thought to myself man
look at all these poor desperate lonely women, Then I saw your profile
and thought wow, here's a poor desperate lonely woman that is acctually
cute! I'm James by the way, How are you?"

"1st

"Heyyyy *High Five*

So what is something I would never guess about you, just by looking at you?"

2nd

"Heyyy *High Five*

So my mother told me to never judge a book by its cover. So if I was to open you up like a book. What would the first few pages say?" " I've modded this one btw.

"Awww your so cute,kinda like the little geico guy... But Beauty is Common...If you take a look around this site you'll see there are beautiful people everywhere. What else do you have going for you besides your looks?"

"Here's a recent #close of mine where I used a modified version of Whoopie's opener...

(Reads from bottom to top)

sorry mr. jerkface. orrr....u can call me at 917XXX8868. because i'll forget. not because it's not important, but its the first week back to school in three weeks, and needless to say i need a vacation. good thing there's a 3day weekend coming up And it's Nikki. not Nicky or Niki, or the ever creative Nikkee, but Nikki
--Sent from my ..Helio..

--- Original Message ---
From:Action Jackson
Date:Jan 11, 2009 11:34 PM

jerkface? I'm offended! It's Mr. Jerkface missy! I just realized I don't even know your name....it's Tweedle Dee isnt it?! I'm not a big fan of extended myspace convos, let's exchange information...949-XXX-1782...and If you turn out to be a stalker I'm going to be so mad

-C (for Captain America...actually Chris, but shh, thats a secret!)


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Jan 9, 2009 12:58 PM



Stop whining!! Have a mai tai! lol yeah we can meet up. It'll break up the monotony of the back to school week

You can keep Flash all he does is pee on the carpet and hump my leg. I get Nicho, the luchadog. He can do flips and stuff. Well, he kinda just lies there. But he's cute.

By the way, that was some speech you wrote. Hope you're not a jerkface lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Action Jackson
Date: Jan 7, 2009 12:19 PM


I know, I'm a ruthless loan shark! And NO! You're not getting our bulldog Flash! He's mine! It's definitely too soon to meet up, let's give it a week or two...I'm still on the rebound and got my eye on this sexy petite blonde. In all seriousness...let's ignore the whole boy/girl thing for a minute...I understand that we don't know each other from a hole in the ground when it's all said and done. and we've probably exchanged 20 messages over the course of our kickass conversations...and you still might feel weird about meeting up or hanging out, but I don't want that. I mean why would you want to hang out with somebody new when you could hang out with one of your old friends, right? But if you thought that all the way along in meeting those friends, you'd be a very lonely person. And I too could be hanging out with my regular friends, but you've been pretty cool, and we did have a connection, and before that connection fizzles why don't we just say fuck it and take the chance to find out if maybe there is something we can enjoy together.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Jan 7, 2009 11:25 AM



The condo's fine but I get the dog. He likes me better anyway. I was in Brooklyn partying with the New Yawkers and my accent is now even more disgusting than before

Don't you think it's too soon to meet up? I mean we just broke up, then comes the make up sex, then we get back together, and the fighting just starts all over again.

Hmmmm....just so happens that i'm almost done with the book I'm reading....I'm not a stalker, but you seem like the guy that uses their little neices or nephews to pick up chicks. That's hot.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Action Jackson
Date: Jan 6, 2009 6:27 PM


I already broke up with you...why do you think the bentley is gone? you can have the condo in Maui. What's a 'Lil Ms. School Teacher like you doing partying your ass off? Speaking of books and teaching, my little niece's birthday is coming up and I wanna get her a book. I could totally use some help picking one out. I was gonna go sometime next week, you should meet me there. you aren't a stalker of anything are u?

chris

------------ Original Message ------------
I don't know dorkface too many mai tai's? I'm back in cali and i'm freaking exhausted. Too much partying. You stopped the whole email thing. We had a beautiful thing going and you just ended it. Now we have to break up.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Action Jackson
Date: Jan 5, 2009 4:25 PM


Hey goofball, what happened? I just realized that we were totally flowing and then our busy lives got in the way! You wanna hear something funny and embarrassing (can't believe I'm telling you this)...I get this goofy smile on my face when I write messages to you. How dare you make me smile! I'm not sure why I'm smiling, I mean I wasn't given an instruction manual on how to be human. Ok, I've said WAY too much, and it's YOUR fault!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Dec 30, 2008 8:14 AM


ya know what's cute? the fact that u think u can handle this maitai boy! i beat up the cute lil hall moniters! and as for ur last question hmmmm.....i dont really know. i usually dont hold anything back. im sure theres something, but hmmmmmm...and yes i have a disgusting accent
--Sent from my ..Helio..

--- Original Message ---
From: Action Jackson
Date:Dec 27, 2008 06:49 PM

Ha, funny...I was nerd jock too. I'm not sure whether you should take the powerpuff girl remark as a compliment...the bottom line is you couldn't handle me. I would tear you apart little girl! That's awesome you grew up in Brooklyn. Do you have the annoying accent along with it? My brother lives in Williamsburg.

Omg I bet you were the CUTEST hall monitor in middle school too! Let's play a fun little game (because I'm in Maui right now and I've had a few Mai Tai's. Tell me something you wouldn't normally tell someone you have only known for a few hours. Take advantage of our anonymity

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Dec 27, 2008 12:03 PM


I hate to say this, but i was probably the kid that pushed your little girlfriend. I was such a BRAT in junior high (that's an understatement). Like the time my class made my french teacher cry and then quit. I was so mean. I'm making up for it though I swear.

So nerd like, glasses and braces and corduroy pants? Did ya smell funny too?

I grew up in Brooklyn so we weren't very cliquy in high school. By high school I wasn't so bad. I hung out with everyone. And yes, I was a nerd too, in the Shakespeare club, National Honor Society, Key Club and all that dweeby stuff. But I was also the jocky jock all city athlete and all that good stuff so I was cool (I think lol). And I didn't smell funny or anything.

Power puff huh. I guess I should take that as a compliment? Hmmmmm....

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Action Jackson
Date: Dec 25, 2008 10:55 PM


lol in your wrestling pictures you remind me of a little power puff girl. wtf was the name of the brunette one with the attitude and spikey hair? butternut? too cute. As for your answer.... GQ says: you are an independent and original thinker; you don't just accept what people tell you to believe; and you must have been the cutest hall monitor in middle school! I might have added that last part myself.

That's awesome you're a school teacher! You definitely get 3 coolness points for that...get 15 and you get the special prize lol man, I can't believe I'm telling you this...but I was the ultimate nerd in grade school. It wasn't all bad though cuz I had my little dork entourage of other nerds so I guess that made me the alpha nerd? Anyway there was this girl in my class that would buy me lunches, and I would buy her lunches...and we hung out a lot. And one day on the playground this big bully kid shoved my girl, and I lost it! My little nerd soul went berzerk and I tackled him! The teachers had to pull me off him and I got suspended for a day, but from then on I got respect in the hallways and all my nerd friends were totally jealous....and at the end of the year at the sock hop dance me and her had our first kiss. your turn for a childhood story

Chris


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Dec 25, 2008 4:14 PM


ok ok ok u got me. maybe about85 percent of me is represented by my profile. i probably wouldnt do anyone's boyfriend. im completely passed that stage in my life. i would probably take the money, and if i couldnt find the owner myself, take my students (the other 15 percent of me is a middle school teacher) on a kickass fieldtrip that they would NEVER forget!
--Sent from my ..Helio..

--- Original Message ---
From: Action Jackson
Date:Dec 25, 2008 09:58 AM

Good answer! I glanced at your profile...you sound like you have a strong personality, this is trouble...I wouldn't take your shit, you wouldn't take my shit, we'd just end up fighting ALL the time (I would win ofcourse)... and then we'd have to have hot makeup sex! I just can't deal with that type of volatile relationship right now I just read this new personality test in GQ, it's one question...
ok you're walking down the street and you turn down an alley. You see a briefcase...you open it and it's full of hundreds! You look right, you look left, no one. You close it...still no one around. What do you do?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: NY Knockout
Date: Dec 25, 2008 5:18 AM


the first chapter would be on how life is a journey not a destination. then i dont know after that cuz it hasnt happened yet
--Sent from my ..Helio..

--- Original Message ---
From: Action Jackson
Date:Dec 24, 2008 01:01 PM

Hey goofball! You genuinely look like you rock the fuck out in life. That's pretty rare nowadays. Although my mother told me to never judge a book by its cover. So if I were to open you up like a book.
...... What would the first few pages say? "

"I have came up with

Question:

You have amazing eyes, Are they real?

or you can vary that by saying "You have amazing eyes, Can i touch them?" --- Thanks to Whoopie"

"You're pretty attractive is there more to you than meets the eye?

I love your hair, is it real?

Your profile is very well written, who wrote it for you?

You seem pretty interesting. It seems like there are two types of people in the world. Those that say they do interesting things but you talk to them later and they are in the same old place, and doing the same things and never leave. Then there are the people that actually have interesting lives...which one are you?"