pulled this off a girls profile

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I
never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my
girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The
very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each
outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked
out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when
she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her
for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing
sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited
anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I
then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she
had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you
just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that B -T C H knows I'm smarter than her!!!


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
Reasons:
* I do physical labor.
* I work @ great depths.
* I plunge headfirst in2 everything I do.
* I dont get weekends or holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis
-----
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request & considering the arguments you have
Raised,
The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You dont work 8 hours straight.
* You fall asleep after brief work periods.
* You dont always follow the orders of the management team.
* You dont stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
* You dont take initiative.
* You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of ur shift

ROFL awsome story, i love it.

lol. this is really funny. thanks for sharing man!