Friend has ZERO inner game

Talking with a friend who needs MASSIVE help.
He's 20 and has no confidence with women because of a lack of inner
game. He confided that he goes to sleep thinking that he doesn't like
himself and that he's pathetic. I don't even know where to start on
this. Guy has several talents that involve performing for people that
girls jump on, but once he's done he switches back to his unconfident
self.


I thought about it and giving him reading material just won't do the
trick :/ ... Really need help with this and a gameplan is appreciated.
Thanks

Obviously he needs better self-talk, and he needs for it be re-enforced as well. He's got to realize he's the valuable person people see him as when he's performing. He's got to realize that's who he is all the time, not just when performing. You can help by talking to him about this and getting that ingrained into his head. Of course, just you talking to him alone won't fix it. He has to quit telling himself he's worthless on his own as well. And THAT'S a choice HE has to make.

sandman808 wrote:

He confided that he goes to sleep thinking that he doesn't like
himself and that he's pathetic.

This single line leads me to beleive this is much more then a confidence issue. granted i am not a doctor, but dealing with mental illness myself, having family members with backgrounds in psychology, and knowing a seeing a prominent psychologist myself (whom i learn alot from) i would venture to say that this thought process is not normal.

It is very possible he may have a form of depression, or bipolar disorder (similar but different).

If this person is really a goof friend, and you want to help him, my recommendation would be encouraging him to see a doctor. Unfortunatly this can be a very touchy subject...but if you are able to put it in a good light then maybe he will listen.

Otherwise id agree that trying to suport and re-enforcein confident traits and actions in him.

Its very possible that it was just some tramatic event that triggered this behavior in him, and its also possible it is something he is pre-disposed to.

He needs to change his cognitive thinking into something more positive. You should tell him to create a list of all his positive qualities. He is obviously focusing too much on his flaws or possibly comparing himself to other guys. By creating a list you of positive qualities his attention will be redirected from the negative to the positive. Also, this might sound cheesy but telling yourself how great you are helps. If you believe it so will others.

~Meg~ wrote:

telling yourself how great you are helps.

I just let others do that for me

Seriously tho all good advice, all things considered if you are a good friend of his be proactive and try to help him in any way you can.

~Meg~ wrote:

If you believe it so will others.

Couldn't have said it better myself . . . when did you get so smart, Meg? lol

L.A. Tripp wrote:

~Meg~ wrote:

If you believe it so will others.

Couldn't have said it better myself . . . when did you get so smart, Meg? lol

I'd say shortly after she started talking to us

thanks for the replies so far

Ka wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

~Meg~ wrote:

If you believe it so will others.

Couldn't have said it better myself . . . when did you get so smart, Meg? lol

I'd say shortly after she started talking to us

LOL...oh I thought it was the other way around...

Actually growing up my mom used to always tell me that if you don't like yourself no one else will (kind of means the same thing as I stated above) In all honestly why should they? Its like a restaurant putting up a sign saying their food sucks.

Take him sky diving,

I've been doing it for 4 years now and I've seen all types of people come and go. People on the edge, lots of people majorly depressed looking for something. Its very empowering and will be one small accomplishment that the majority of people wouldn't do. It will make him feel alive. It got me through some tough times, Plus I've met some amazing people.

Briguy388 wrote:

Take him sky diving,

I've been doing it for 4 years now and I've seen all types of people come and go. People on the edge, lots of people majorly depressed looking for something. Its very empowering and will be one small accomplishment that the majority of people wouldn't do. It will make him feel alive. It got me through some tough times, Plus I've met some amazing people.

Honestly not a bad idea...im scared to death of heights and plan on doing this asap.

~Meg~ wrote:

Ka wrote:

L.A. Tripp wrote:

~Meg~ wrote:

If you believe it so will others.

Couldn't have said it better myself . . . when did you get so smart, Meg? lol

I'd say shortly after she started talking to us

LOL...oh I thought it was the other way around...

Actually growing up my mom used to always tell me that if you don't like yourself no one else will (kind of means the same thing as I stated above) In all honestly why should they? Its like a restaurant putting up a sign saying their food sucks.

Sounds like your mom has some sense too.