What I Learned This Weekend

Learning pickup is like learning any other skill; the first thing you learn is just how much you don’t know.

You enter the scene after reading The Game or Mystery Method or a few posts on a forum. You haven’t actually built any skills or learned anything yet, but somehow everything is already different. People are organized into sets. Talking to people means using openers, followed then by God knows what.

You’ve become conscious of everything you do. Are you standing tall? Leaning? Putting more weight on one foot than another? What are you doing with your hands? Is your body language inviting or discouraging? Are you smiling? Oh God, what was it you were supposed to talk about again? In light of all of these tasks, the occasion can quickly become frustrating and anything but fun.

But wait, what the hell is the point of this if it isn’t any fun? At this point it’s important to take a step back and look at your progression. You’re moving in the right direction, but it isn’t an immediate transformation. Let yourself grow. There is a difference between having high expectations and having unreasonable expectations, and while pushing yourself to grow is positive, beating yourself up over your human shortcomings will only hinder your growth.

Many who travel this course (or, indeed, any self-improvement course) are driven by intense narcissism. We crave constant attention and affirmation. It is, therefore, so, that turning on this light switch and seeing the task ahead can bring with it a torrent of insecurity. Just take a minute to regroup. Approach your evolution the same way you have any other difficult task in your life, and systematically improve.

So what prompts me to write this? I screwed up two sets in two very different ways over the weekend.

First set was easy. I had plenty to open with, and tried as hard as I could to make her qualify to me, which she did at length. She was really sweet, and I’m sad I ended up screwing it up so badly. After my time constraint was up, I removed myself from the situation. I went out for a smoke (as of writing I am two days into quitting, btw) and another girl tried to talk to me. I had seen her before and knew she was a straight up cock block. The kind of girl who will talk your ear off all night about absolutely nothing and just refuse to go away. So I gave her nothing. She asked my name and I told her not to worry about it and to just move on. I refused to talk about absolutely anything with her because I thought she would move on in an attempt to save her dignity. After listening to her bitch at me for at least ten minutes (apparently if people don’t submit to her bully tactics they are assholes), I got up to walk away again and told her that this time she really didn’t need to follow me. Normally, I would laugh at getting a beer thrown in my face, but as it turned out the girl who did it this time was a friend of the one I was talking to earlier. As it turns out, there is a sliding scale between a girl thinking she is special to you and a girl thinking you are a complete asshole to her friends. My placement on the scale didn’t do me any favors.

Set two. I ditched my friends one night for a quieter evening at a different bar. I was DD, and on those nights I don’t get much out of crowded bars. So it was that I ran into another friend who had a two set wide open. I talked to him for a few minutes and he bought me a beer. He left shortly afterward and I grabbed his seat at the bar. And there I was next to this set he had opened. It was perfect. And so I sat there for ten minutes without saying a word. Why? I don’t believe in rules of thumb such as the three-second rule, but after a minute or so it just became ridiculous. If I had tried to open them after taking so long, it would have seemed labored and pathetic. So I decided that if I was going to blow this set, it would be on my terms. I enjoyed my one beer of the night, watched Sports Center, and had a couple of club sodas after the beer. I kept my body language open and a smile on my face. The two set eventually moved away, as I wasn’t paying them any attention. I don’t blame them, but I wasn’t about to open in such a pathetic state. When I was ready to leave, I left, picked up my friends from the other bar, and drove them home.

Two sets blown in two different ways. I’ve had a lot of negative thoughts run through my head, but the truth is that even though it can seem worse than normal, in reality it’s just that I see more. And, seeing more, aren’t I in a position to actually make real improvements, rather than just accidentally be more or less successful? I think so.

-Karma

Hey, one more thing to add to this. When I first started law school, a professor talked to us about a skill/consciousness matrix. The way it works is that when one is learning a new skill, one starts at a level of unconscious, unskilled. Learning more about the skill, one becomes consciously unskilled. Further learning of the skill leads to consciously skilled (giving lines), and finally as one becomes a master of the skill it becomes natural: unconsciously skilled. At this point it's simply the way one acts, completely naturally.

I am going to try to develop this theory more as it applies to pickup. I'll post more as I get it.

At least you made the effort the first set, and the second time around you froze...and thats fine, it happens more regularly then we'd like to admit, but even the vets freeze.

The thing you have to keep in mind is that mistakes are not a bad thing...ill repeat that...mistakes are NOT a bad thing.

I have a lawyer friend who says, "I hope to keep making mistakes, because the day i don't is the day i am dead."

Not only is it a part of life that cannot be avoided...but it can actually have a very positive affect on you. I look at each mistake i make as a Positive learning expereince.

For instance, your first set was a positive experience in that it will re-enforce the idea that you must befriend the targets friends. Another thing that you should pull out of it is socially speaking, you cannot allow yourself to apear too cool to socialize with someone.

If shes a cock block ignoring her will only piss her off, befriend her, disarm her, get her to like you and she will forget why she didnt want you with her friend and start to try to get you together with her.

Dealing with an AMOG or cock block is all about frame control.

As i told a friend, you have to open a set like they are a single person....everyone but your target gets equal ec, attention, respect...once the group likes you then you move on to singling out a target and working on them.

By then you will have little disarming to do and if you have to you can be direct...Mystery will simply cut them off and say, "Your friend and i like each other and wana talk, is that cool with you?" If they say no then they apear to be the bad one in front of thier friend.

Your second set was a positive learning experience...next time you put off opening, think about how it felt when the chance passed you by. Also while the 3 second rule may not hold weight with you, do set goals and guidelines to accomplish them for yourself.


All in all your experiences are not that different then most, you gotta learn to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and along the way expect to fall down and get hurt...alot...the difference between success and failure is simply whether you get back up and try again or not.

I agree with most of what you say, but I see the second as more positive because I made a decision not to follow it. I did freeze a little, but instead of try to chase down what had at that time become unattainable I just allowed myself to move on. If I had removed myself from the situation and come back for some reason, maybe that would have given me another opportunity but as it was I wasn't worried about it. While I don't give weight to exactitudes like the 3-second rule, I do recognize it as emphasizing an important point, and I give that point tremendous weight.

And as far as the cock block, I felt trapped. I did give the too cool vibe, especially blatantly refusing to so much as tell her my name. I didn't know what else to do because I figured she would never go away otherwise. But that's an amateur mistake and leaves too much power in her hands. If I control the situation properly, I can allow the conversation to go on to a point and end it using the same techniques I'd use on the people I actually want to be talking to. Not to mention I would have been able to finish my drink (not considering the drip from my face). In this case, her post-bar ranting to her friend I did want to talk to would have been about how cool of a guy I was, not how much of an asshole I was... the former would have done me more than the latter.

Karma wrote:

I screwed up two sets in two very different ways over the weekend.

Hey man dont worry about it. Read my sig. You opened and you learnt something from each set that you had "challenges" with. Think about that girl outside. How many times have you had a beer thrown in your face as a result to something you said. That is a piece of learning material. You now know what not to say in that sort of circumstance. The second group you learnt how not being in a social state can severly affect your game. You now know to try to keep yourself in a good state to have more fun.

You have learnt basic things which are useful - even if its from a not-so-good event

Also that learning process what your lawyer friend told you is what I was taught aswell. It is something good to know and understand as it can affect every area of life.

Karma wrote:

I agree with most of what you say, but I see the second as more positive because I made a decision not to follow it. I did freeze a little, but instead of try to chase down what had at that time become unattainable I just allowed myself to move on.

I agree, by the time you had waited 10 mins you did the right thing, but how different could your night have went if you sat down, ordered a drink, turned around and opened?

You have to play to win. However as someone else said if you were not feeling social, understandable considering the circumstances...thats another story.

Quote :

How many times have you had a beer thrown in your face as a result to something you said.

As much as it was disappointing to have that ruin the other girl, it really was hilarious to see somebody get so upset and lose control over a person just not wanting to talk to them. I wish I could have been an observer instead of an actor!

It was your choice not to talk to that girl, and now with good reason. She's a social bully, and you have no reason to hang around girls like that. Also, it's a false time constraint for a reason. You have to make those first 50 seconds- 2 minutes enjoyable for you, and grab that timespan to expand your personality, my man. Of course you have the ideas about this stuff, but you need not spending far too long in a set, after all you are making her day. peace,lvoe and succe SS

Obviously it's awesome that you came out of it learning something from both sets, and I believe you will pull even more lessons from each set as you continue to look back on them. What you've said here reminded me of some texts one of my ex's sent me tonight that has re-entered my life, so to speak.

Karma wrote:

Hey, one more thing to add to this. When I first started law school, a professor talked to us about a skill/consciousness matrix. The way it works is that when one is learning a new skill, one starts at a level of unconscious, unskilled. Learning more about the skill, one becomes consciously unskilled. Further learning of the skill leads to consciously skilled (giving lines), and finally as one becomes a master of the skill it becomes natural: unconsciously skilled. At this point it's simply the way one acts, completely naturally.

I am going to try to develop this theory more as it applies to pickup. I'll post more as I get it.

As it applies to pick up . . . "When I'm out with you, the other guys look pathetic . . . lol, I can see why they need your help. Or maybe clueless is a better word?" "She is jealous, it takes skill to do what you do and I can appreciate that." Those were comments from the girl mentioned above. The following are comments from my another girl . . . "I'm watching the Mystery formula workshop video 1 . . . Why don't you videotape yourself talking about this stuff like Mystery? . . . You and Mystery are very similar in style. You kind of resemble him, lol . . . The comparison, you know your shit like he does, you are natural in doing and teaching, and you both have your own unique fashion style."

Ahem . . . do you think I started out like that? Haha, HELL no. When I read this post by you, Karma, those comments hit me. It fits your post into pick up. You start out being conscious of everything, but then develop YOURSELF so that everything fits into your personality and it becomes YOU . . . natural.