The opposite of what was supposed to be?

What happens when your inner game is so twisted, even spending 6-7 hrs with a very attractive girl - just makes matters worse?

A female of mine is back in town - for good. She was a co-worker for a few years. Married. Divorced. Back home. She ran into me at the workplace. Got my number from a friend. A few texts later... Bam... I'm picking her up for lunch the next day.

We end up going to lunch...(3 hours sitting/talking/drinking/eating); then driving about 40 minutes to the beach for Mini Golf...then another hour walking/talking and eating ice cream.

All in all I spent 7 hours with this amazing girl. We joked, laughed, and got extremely sexual conversation. (Talking about her fav positions, reasons she got a tongue ring, etc...)

We parted ways. Got a text 30 minutes from saying our good byes...that she had fun and we should get up again and glad that we caught up and nice to have such a great guy around...Such a nice guy, etc...

I know I'm in the friend zone...I can tell, which is ok. The ending hug wasn't a full on hug but more of those off-shoulder hugs. I'm writing this because I think I did more damage to my inner game than anything.

I'm suddenly saddened and the thought that wow - sure I hung out - we talked about sex, costumes, her stripper pole... yet I don't benefit for any of it. The best way I can put it is I feel like a diabetic kid in a candy shop. Guys and girls were looking at both of us...just walking around.... (she is pretty smokin and a great personality to boot).... yet...I still felt really, really, alone....

. . . how do you know . . . that you're in the friend zone . . . ?

Just from the way the conversation was. I wish I had recorded it.

I remember I said something along the lines of her tongue ring... her reply was like, "You'll have to try to get head next time from a girl that has a tongue ring...then you'll notice the difference."

I just got the vibe that she was just looking for a cool guy friend to hang out with...

Ok. Although that's not an open invitation, it's also not a completely closed door.

With a little game, she CAN be that girl that you experience it with. Push/pull and teasing would work WONDERS with that one.

You can use push/pull and teasing to turn a friend into a lover. Just as long as you don't have the creepy vibe.

I think you are over analyzing a bit. Her comment suggested absolutely nothing. It was just a comment. Most girls (or classy girls) would respond that way unless they are fairly aggressive.

C'mon, she obviously likes you somewhat if she just spent 7 hrs with you. I don't think I would invest that much time with someone if I wasn't having fun/liked them.

Instead of giving up and placing yourself in the friend zone do as Tripp says

It sounds like you had a good time, and ljbf's doesnt mean you dont benefit. Having her as a friend means your seen out with her and as you pointed out already it got you some attention.

Outside of that, it sounds like you made the choice of ljbf, not her. Girls are strange creatures, who many times will linger on the fence not wanting to take either path. She might not be aggressive enough to tell you what she wants, and she may be to nice to cut things off short if a guy doesnt make a move.

It sounds to me like you stalled out, you said the right things but you didnt escalate things with her, especially in a physical sence....am i right? This is a hard point for alot of guys, we end up not pulling the trigger so to speak.

Rockstar everyone on this thread has offered some of the best collective advice for a particular situation that you find yourself in now. From my perspective Ka has stated the exact thoughts that I have for you. This old friend wants you my man. She spent seven hours forming a foundation that lets her rationalize the reasons that she's going to sleep with you. The conversations were good, your driving skills are okay, ice cream was consumed, and yes she was flirting with you.

That remark about a girl giving you head with a tongue ring. That was so for you to play with for the next ten minutes are so. She wants you my friend, and it's because your confidence seems to be dipping that you have been slow to realize how much money you are.

I agree with everyone on this so far, but also think that some more owning yourself needs to grabbed so you can benefit and progress with this great young lady. peace,lvoe and succe SS

Check it out LaRock . . . everyone is telling you the same thing. I know your confidence has been low . . . i.e. shot, but it's time to get off your butt and YOU make something happen in your life.

Look, I've offered to work with you for free in Pcity . . . and had a guy drive 8 hours each way with 2 hours of sleep total over two days, and go back to work the next day . . . to spend one night there working with me. His mindset was altered . . . shattered rather. He saw things and experienced things that are still bouncing around in his head, lol. I've offered to work with you for free if you can get to my city. Come on man, get off the excuses and take charge of your life. Stop the procrastinating.

How many more women like this are you gonna let pass you by . . . .?

Check it out LaRock . . . everyone is telling you the same thing. I
know your confidence has been low . . . i.e. shot, but it's time to get
off your butt and YOU make something happen in your life.

Look,
I've offered to work with you for free in Pcity . . . and had a guy
drive 8 hours each way with 2 hours of sleep total over two days, and
go back to work the next day . . . to spend one night there working
with me. His mindset was altered . . . shattered rather. He saw things
and experienced things that are still bouncing around in his head, lol.
I've offered to work with you for free if you can get to my city. Come
on man, get off the excuses and take charge of your life. Stop the
procrastinating.

How many more women like this are you gonna let pass you by . . . .?


Yea I sure as hell did, and I would do it again. Of course I got rejected about fifty times or so, but it was fucking hilarious just how many times I keep going head first in. The windows were open for me though and I simply did not go into them thus losing a few potentially beneficial sets.

Was my confidence hampered "Not really", I just have a completely self created approach anxiety for no other reason to justify my own scared feelings of approach, and potentially failing.

Of course if I get over my fears that make as much sense as touching a burnt stove then I generally believe something will happen!.

Time for an update.

After that mini-date of events. We went out to eat a few times after that.

Skipping about a week, she invites me to her condo to make me dinner. She tells me bring work clothes...I'm not going home. I'm thinkin... fuckin JACKPOT.

Well, I spend the night, nothing happens. No kino. No kissing. Zero. So next afternoon I get a text. Hey, it's hot outside...come over to swim in the pool. I'll make margaritas...and since you dont have to work - spend the night.

Now I'm thinking..twice in a row...SCORE.
After drinks, etc. We head to bed. I start rubbing her neck...she cuddles with me. We end up spooning that night. Spooning with no sex?!?

Next day I ignore her...she texts me telling me to come over. I do, on my time. I tell her the mixed signals are driving me nuts - Platonic friends don't cuddle...etc.

She tells me... " It is what it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's not like we had sex... " - She told me she is thankful for having me as a friend to talk to, etc. The spooning was nice because she trusts me and was nice to have that comfport zone with somebody. To be "reassured" that even after an ugly, difficult, divorce...that she is still wanted.

After that - I told her that I don't want a relationship... friends with benefits would help her out, etc.. she said she needed to clear her head before she starts sleeping with anybody.

All in all... we are still friends. Just I, myself, have closed that chapter with her. She is a tease...she loves the attention, she is a flirt.

Time to move on and stop wasting my time/energy/money on her.

I think you have handled it well

Thanks Meg,

What's funny is that she keeps trying to bring me back over there. She needs the reassurance. The 'Everything is going to be ok' talk. The flirty attention of a male reassuring her she is still found to be attractive.

It's so hard not to go over there to that empty condo again. I keep telling my self, "Well...maybe this is the time she makes a move..." But I know it's not going to happen...so...I just gotta keep busy and put my phone on silent.

I still stand by everything I said to you before.

And here's the point:

Quote :

I keep telling my self, "Well...maybe this is the time she makes a move..

she makes the move . . . ain't gonna happen.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

I still stand by everything I said to you before.

And here's the point:

Quote :

I keep telling my self, "Well...maybe this is the time she makes a move..

she makes the move . . . ain't gonna happen.

Good point.

I was thinking he had put the moves but no dice from her part? no??

An update on this situation...

She keeps texting me. Flat out. Saying messages like "How are you, I miss talking to you..."

When I respond short... I get a response of

"I'm sorry, it's like its all my fault..."

then today I get one saying...

"So are we going to hang out or to I have to bribe you with dinner..."

WTF. Is this chick just so lonely she really misses me? She flirts, talks about sex, all that shit - yet attempts to remain platonic...then goes ahead and cuddles...

Is this broad just psycho? Meg...a female perspective would be awesome here. I'm pulling out my hair.

No . . . she's not psycho . . .

She misses her emotional tampon, don't do it.. run away!!

No she is not psycho! Hello! She is interested! You just need to man up. Be aggressive and take initiative. I guarantee you that if you made some moves she would put up little resistance.

~Meg~ wrote:

No she is not psycho! Hello! She is interested! You just need to man up. Be aggressive and take initiative. I guarantee you that if you made some moves she would put up little resistance.

LOL . . . that's what I've been saying for a while

I been telling him to unleash the beast for a little while now, Larock... superman!!

LaRockStar wrote:

. Hey, it's hot outside...come over to swim in the pool. I'll make margaritas...and since you dont have to work - spend the night.

Now I'm thinking..twice in a row...SCORE.
After drinks, etc. We head to bed. I start rubbing her neck...she cuddles with me. We end up spooning that night. Spooning with no sex?!?

.

for 1 calm down bro its just one girl!

secondly she definelty likes you more than a friend sorry but after a text like like i would be on dat shit! i belive in my opioin you just gotta make a move when your gettin close, i think she said tht shit about a tongue bar because she doesnt want to seem like a slut, i would have teased her bout that shit.

jus my 2 cents. IMO i wouldn't let this one slide so easy!

- ReNeGaDe

Well, this story has taken another turn...

I'm taking her out to dinner on sunday.