One-itis

Via request of a friend of mine, I'm posting this here, which was originally just posted in THE NEXT LEVEL area of the Vault, and went out as a Vault only newsletter . . . hope everyone out here can benefit from it:

One-itis and why it's frowned upon and the harsh reality it can create.

A good friend of mine brought up this excellent topic, and it merits some in depth inspection.

One-itis. What is it? Simply put, it's when one guy has one girl in his sights and there is no other girl in the world, and it's such an intense thing on the guys' side that the girl knows it. This is not a good thing because he becomes clingy, needy, over attached, doesn't have a life outside of her any longer if he focuses his lazer on her for long enough, etc.

The girl doesn't want to be the ONLY thing in the guys' life. The most important thing, yes, if it's an LTR, but NOT the ONLY thing. And . . . if it's not an LTR, she doesn't even need to be the most important thing in his life. If she is, it will be one sided, because that's what a one-itis is.

As a guy, you are obsessing over one girl. As the girl, she's either loving the adoration you're lavishing on her, with NO intention of returning it . . . OR she's feeling REALLY creeped out by it. Either way, it's not a good ending.

Where does it lead? It leads to the guy becoming lazer focused on one girl . . . who is in fact looking for a guy that ISN'T lazer focused on her. A guy that will make her WORK to have his attention. It leads to the guy being oblivious to girls he might actually have a chance with, if only he'd grow up and open his eyes.

"But she's so special, so different."

Is she really? Seriously? Truly? Ahem . . . if she was . . . you wouldn't be drug along like you are. The fact that you are being drug along shows that she ISN'T different or special. She ISN'T the one for you, because she doesn't see YOU as special in her life.

The right girl for you will show that she values YOU as much as you value her. She will gladly return whatever you give to her. In fact, she will give to you a lot of times before you give to her. It's not just a one way take, but a two way give and take.

Imagine if you were to ACTUALLY marry this girl. Just for a moment. Let's see . . . you'd obviously do ANYTHING in the world to make her happy. You'd obviously bend over backwards, drop everything at the drop of a hat, do whatever it possibly takes to make her happy and keep her happy. To start with, wouldn't years of that alone stress you out? Secondly, she would take advantage of that, take you for granted, and never return it to you. Wouldn't that leave you feeling awful damn empty? You'd be so fucking unfulfilled. How could you stand that? Yet . . . that's exactly what you are opening yourself up to every time you allow yourself to have a one-itis. Sure, you're not married to the girl, and to be honest, you'll never get that far with her, unless you're super fucking rich or famous so that you can at least supply her with money, but the principle is the same. You're still giving all of yourself to her, without getting value in return. Value that you deserve just as much as she deserves value from you. So basically, you would be providing for her financially, while she goes elsewhere to get her other needs and DESIRES taken care of. Yes, believe it or not, she WILL go elsewhere for this.

Is that what you really want?

NO? Then why the hell are you focused on a one-itis right NOW? Get the @*#$ over it, and over her. Move on. Find someone that will give you the value you deserve, because you do deserve value, just as she does.

One-itis's ultimately get you NOWHERE. They bring your self-esteem DOWN. Which means you feel like you have no self-worth, can't do any better, must settle for what little she gives you of herself, if anything, etc. Not a good way to live, period.

This is the harsh reality, or at least enough of it to give you a damn good idea of what it's all about. Now, does this make it any clearer why the community is so dead set against it?

You will never, and I mean NEVER be the man you should be, and could be, as long as you are focused on that one-itis. And, on the flipside, she will never be the woman she should be or could be either, because you are smothering her and holding her back from growing as a woman. So, for both of your sakes, let her go.