The real thing or just sex?

Me and some friends were chatting last night about what men/women prefer these days in retrospect of dating or sex. The questions were, " Would you want to be in a relationship without sex or have sex without the relationship?" "and is it possible for a man/woman to be just friends with no hidden agenda?"

Which one is more suitable for you?

Which one would be more appealing to both genders in a matter of opinion?

Do you think it's easier to have one or the other?

I brought up the fact that their are levels of a relationships that starts with friendship,dating,etc...

Some agree that relationships are just for those lovey-dovey couples, while I tend to disagree.

It is conceivable for a man and a woman to have a plutonic love for each other without the lovey-dovey connotations. Some pry on thinking FB's is always the best way to go as well, but it is whatever works for each individual, so to each his own.

Some think modern dating is more appealing than as of traditional, but once again, to each his own. This can be analyzed twice over again and again, simply because it is a wide spectrum on relationships.

Do you think it could be later on confusing between the two friends to see it as inevitable to pair up?

Do you think that there should be set rules when engaging into a co-ed friendship?

Would you be comfortable telling your friend how the sex was great with a another person?

F.ck the rules . . . but then you expected me to say that, didn't you?

It's open discussion, if that's your wisdom to share then great!!

Wow, too many questions, to remember and I hate answering in point form anyways, so I'll just do my usual disregarding of what you asked and write whatever the hell I feel like. Like Tripp said, "F.ck the rules." Lol.

Personally I love relationships, that's just who I am, I find comfort in being able to rely on someone when I need them and I find strength and enjoyment in being relied upon. I think relationships build a much stronger connection between people than casual dating, or FBs ever could, which is something I really value.

I think that in a relationship you can go without having sex all the time, I enjoy having a night of just laying in bed talking, then going to sleep without doing anything, but I do think that sex is neccessary to making it a fully functional and healthy relationship. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone for very long without being able to make it physical, because I'm a very sexual person and I express my feelings through physical contact and sex. I also think that sex in a relationship can be far better than sex outside of a relationship, because you end up having a much better connection and so you move together more fluidly, respond to each other better and there's just so much more passion because of the emotions.

I tend to feel that people are kidding themselves when they say they are just friends with someone of the opposite sex. One person always has some sort of interest in my experience, even if that interest is minor and would only be acted upon when they were really drunk and horny, or the other person were to make it an option. The only time I've been just friends with a girl and had no interest in her, was when she had interest in me, or I was getting something out of the friendship that I found useful at the time. Yeah, that sounds awful, but you can't argue the value of a friend with a car when you don't have one, lol! Every other girl I've ever been friends with, I would have definitely been interested in sleeping with, some I have been friends with solely for the purpose of working towards that end, or have had to fight that urge strongly in order to continue being friends with them.

I know that the reason lots of guys are friends with girls is because they feel it is inevitable that they will end up being with them. Sometimes this is a matter of the girl being with another guy at the time, sometimes the girl isn't interested and the guy thinks that with time she will fall for him and other times it's that they were in a relationship, things didn't work for whatever reason and he thinks that once whatever it was that made the relationship not work dissappears, then it will work again.

If I had to choose between a relationship without sex, or sex without a relationship, I think I'd probably end up going for the sex without a relationship, because at least it wouldn't be as torturous as being so close to someone, but not being able to express that closeness physically. It had better be good sex though, cause otherwise what's the point?

I'm not a big fan of setting rules in a friendship, but sometimes it can be neccessary. I know I've had friends that were far too flirty and sexual with me, but they only wanted to be friends, so I had to tell them that if they wanted to be just friends they had to stop getting naked for me, otherwise I was gonna have a hard time not wanting to have sex with them. I've also had girls tell me that even though they wanted to be with me, there were issues they had to deal with and such, so until they sorted their stuff out, they couldn't be in any sort of relationship and we couldn't get physical either. Unless it's absolutely neccessary though, I think it just adds stress to the friendship.

Of course I'm gonna tell girls how the sex was with other girls. Hell I'll do it with girls I've been with, so I'll definitely do it with girls I'm just friends with. Girls talk about how guys are, so why can't I talk about how girls are?

Thank you Rye Lee, thank you!!

That was a lovely response from your perspective.

As far as your question goes..I have a question for you Rye. Why is it valid that a guy sleeps with multiple women consistantly and get props, where as a girl sleeps with a multitude of men and she is branded a whore,slut,etc....?

Back to your question, IMO, it depends on the girl you're confiding in about other girls. Girls just don't come right out and display their inner thoughts for multiple reasons. In case at hand, that girl wants you, that girl might be offended...now those are the typical so-called reasons.

My thoughts are....with being friends with the opposite sex, you have options. To f*ck or not to f*ck that is the ripe old question. Well, I think that after a relationship that didn't work out, that if discussed sex is always an option. In time that will dissipate. The question is, will your friendship survive without sex?
If you are just friends by mutual association, it could just be friendship, well in m experience that is. I have very close guy friends that I have never slept with. (might have kissed them, but never more). I think it's feasible to b friends with opposites.

Paramour wrote:

As far as your question goes..I have a question for you Rye. Why is it valid that a guy sleeps with multiple women consistantly and get props, where as a girl sleeps with a multitude of men and she is branded a whore,slut,etc....?

1st of all . . . YES guys and girls CAN be just friends. With or w/o rules, lol.

Now, Par, for your quote above . . . I think it depends on the outside person, for their perspective. For instance, at my regular club, there are two cute girls that are always with each other, but with a different guy every time you see them, w/o fail. Well, because of this, some people call them whores, without knowing any facts about whether or not they have actually f.cked those guys. However, I know of some people at this same club that would give those girls props.

On the flipside, there are people that call me a whore, some jokingly, some not, because I'M with different girls every time THEY see me. However, there are also those that give me props because of that.

Paramour wrote:

Thank you Rye Lee, thank you!!

That was a lovely response from your perspective.

As far as your question goes..I have a question for you Rye. Why is it valid that a guy sleeps with multiple women consistantly and get props, where as a girl sleeps with a multitude of men and she is branded a whore,slut,etc....?

Back to your question, IMO, it depends on the girl you're confiding in about other girls. Girls just don't come right out and display their inner thoughts for multiple reasons. In case at hand, that girl wants you, that girl might be offended...now those are the typical so-called reasons.

My thoughts are....with being friends with the opposite sex, you have options. To f*ck or not to f*ck that is the ripe old question. Well, I think that after a relationship that didn't work out, that if discussed sex is always an option. In time that will dissipate. The question is, will your friendship survive without sex?
If you are just friends by mutual association, it could just be friendship, well in m experience that is. I have very close guy friends that I have never slept with. (might have kissed them, but never more). I think it's feasible to b friends with opposites.

I don't think it's right for women to be branded as sluts or whores for being promiscuous. If she's indiscriminately sleeping with anything that has a d.ck, then maybe, otherwise if she's only being with guys that she has interest in, then go for it! Life is a giant buffet table of people to interact with, whether it be sexually, or otherwise, so take your fill. Now if she's in an exclusive relationship and still sleeping around, then yeah, she's a filthy slutty whore, but I expect the same label in return if I do anything and I'm in an exclusive relationship.

Like I said, I really haven't had female friends that I wouldn't have been willing to sleep with. I think part of it, is that if they're not intellectually good enough for me to sleep with them, then I probably wouldn't be friends with them either. In my opinion, the thing that seperates friends from more, is touch, that's basically it.

That being said, whether I've attempted a relationship with a girl and it ended up turning into friendship instead, or if the relationship failed and we settled for friendship, or just went for friendship from the start, then I'll most likely talk to them about sex, because I talk about sex like I breathe air, it's just automatic. Yeah, I kinda push it a little far sometimes, but I think people that know me understand I have verbal diahrea and that I really don't understand the concept of boundries because I'm so open, so they forgive my mistakes. Last night I was actually discussing how (I can't say "good" but I don't wanna say "bad" either) a girl was in bed that I slept with the other night, with the girl I was recently heavily involved with.

I told her if she wasn't gonna come hang out and keep me entertained cause I was so bored, that I was gonna end up settling for some mediocre sex. She told me not to bother, cause if it wasn't good, there wasn't any point (excellent point except we all know logic often doesn't apply to this area). We were talking about it for a few minutes and she kept saying I should stop defending the girl if she was such a poor lay, so I told her that the reason I was probably so unenthusiastic about it, is because she knows how much I love to give oral and that girl didn't exactly taste so good, so it kinda ruined it for me, lol.

Yeah, I crossed the line a bit on that one, especially since I know she is still interested in me and I'm interested in her, but I can't help but enjoy rubbing it in her face a bit because she knows I'd rather be with her, but here I am sleeping with other girls instead and that's her own damn fault. Also, if you wanna be close friends and not just a casual friend, then you're gonna have to expect some intimate details; lord knows I've had to hear more than a few from her.

Rye Lee wrote:

Like I said, I really haven't had female friends that I wouldn't have been willing to sleep with. I think part of it, is that if they're not intellectually good enough for me to sleep with them, then I probably wouldn't be friends with them either. In my opinion, the thing that separates friends from more, is touch, that's basically it.

I agree with that. Therefore, I have always wondered what really separates friends with benefits and a relationship (besides a willingness to commit)?

~Meg~ wrote:

Rye Lee wrote:

Like I said, I really haven't had female friends that I wouldn't have been willing to sleep with. I think part of it, is that if they're not intellectually good enough for me to sleep with them, then I probably wouldn't be friends with them either. In my opinion, the thing that separates friends from more, is touch, that's basically it.

I agree with that. Therefore, I have always wondered what really separates friends with benefits and a relationship (besides a willingness to commit)?

Haha. Funny, that's what an upcoming newsletter is about. Anyway, there are different kinds of relationships. I mean, you have a relationship with a friend, with an acquaintance, with a significant other, etc.

Also, I disagree that the separation is merely touch. I touch guys and girls, and I'm definitely not looking to have sex with the guys, and not all the girls either.

I currently have more than one girl that I can have sex with any time I want. I've also got one that I've never touched physically, but she wants me badly. That's because it's mental primarily. Once the physical part enters the relationship, if I so choose, there won't be any stopping her. Other than that, I will touch any girl that I'm just talking to, even if I'm not looking for anything from her besides friendship. I want to see if she's cool to hang out with, so I want to see if she's comfortable with me, which includes touch. I'll even play with a girls hair sometimes even if I'm not interested in anything from her besides friendship. I've got another girl that I'll dance with, kino, slap her ass, play with her breasts through her clothes just to tease her, but I'm not looking to get physical with her. Actually, I've been there before with her. She's an ex. She still loves hanging out with me, as does her g/f. I'm not looking to get involved with either of them, but I still touch the both of them.

I'll touch guys, hug guys, slap their backs, pat them, whatever, and I'm definitely not looking for anything from them except a cool friend.

Way off base Tripp. I dont think the word "touch" was meant to be taken so literally. lol (or at least I didnt take it that way). I was thinking more on the lines of sex. What distinguishes a friends with benefits and being in a relationship with someone? I have always thought of a relationship as being friendship + intimacy. A friends with benefits (and I am talking more than a 2am booty call) is basically the same thing. So whats the difference?

~Meg~ wrote:

Way off base Tripp. I dont think the word "touch" was meant to be taken so literally. lol (or at least I didnt take it that way). I was thinking more on the lines of sex. What distinguishes a friends with benefits and being in a relationship with someone? I have always thought of a relationship as being friendship + intimacy. A friends with benefits (and I am talking more than a 2am booty call) is basically the same thing. So whats the difference?

Well, that term"touch" can be taken any way someone perceives it since it wasn't thoroughly explained. The difference between friends w/ benefits and being in a relationship is this, in my opinion. FWB, have an understanding that it primarily physical in a sense nothing is long-term. Sure you can "carry on" like a couple but there isn't much to emote from it except just the friendship part and that has it's own levels, it just depends on what you and your partner(s) discuss. You may not see your FWB as much as you would your SO(significant other). In a relationship, well we know what that is, but it is conceivable that the FWB can become a relationship, it's rare, because you went from some comfort to seduction, but it can happen. I want to say it is how your dynamics evolve from being friends first, were you just FB(f*ck buddies) first, did you have a relationship at one time and it was downplayed to FWB status. So the difference is, there wasn't the attraction built for the time it was supposed to be, you didn't stay on comfort very much before you moved on to seduction. Now that was in the PUA logic sense, in the short sweet layman's terms, you're FWB because it is limited with attraction, comfort, and more on the seduction part because that's what it is mostly about about. In a relationship, you push/pull the attraction, you play or massage the confort building, you dive into the seduction. You trail all those all along to a relationship and you keep pushing those attraction switches; where as a FWB, you don't. I hope that explains the jist of it, but if not let me know.