The Opposite Of Pick Up, With Better Results

The Opposite Of Pickup - With Better Results

Pressure.

Stress.

“I have to figure this out. I need to learn this stuff. If not, I’ll never get a girlfriend.”

Sound familiar.

I’ll be honest… this is something that I figured out a lot time ago.

And you can take it or leave it…

I used to go out all the time and talk to women at bars and clubs. Naturally, I was trying to be slick… buy a couple of drinks (for the wrong reasons)… and try to sweet talk my way into someone’s pants…

But you know… it got old. REAL OLD. Every night there was a “pressure” that I put on myself to talk to women.

If nothing happened, I’d wonder why. What did I do wrong?

Should I have said this?

What about that?

Finally, after all of the pressure… the wondering why… the “I have to MAKE myself go talk to her”… “she looked, does she like me… think I’m cute”… BS…

… I just said @*#$ it.

This sucks.

I decided that from now on… I was just going to go out and have a good time. Who cares about all of the pressure?

It wasn’t working.

Sure… it nailed me a couple of one night stands… but afterward… I could tell that these women were people that I probably didn’t want to ever see again.

Not that they were ugly by any means… they just seemed… EASY.

So I switched my roll.

I didn’t want to be “that guy” any more. You know what I’m talking about. The one the women look at and go “Oh shit, here comes another one of ‘those guys’ that want to just get in my pants”

Thankfully, I was only “that guy” for about six months or so.


The Switch

Do you know what my shining moment was?

I remember it clearly. I was in college at one of the bars at NC State when I saw a group of attractive women sitting at a table next to the bar. I noticed that they were almost done with their drinks.

One looked at me… and I just said “Hey, what are you guys drinking?”

I forgot what she told me but I looked at the bartender and said… “Would you grab four of those for me and throw them on my tab?”

Then, I just looked at the table of women and said “It was nice meeting you guys, I hope you have a great night.”

No expectations. No pressure. No sleazy lines.

They looked cool so I bought them a round… just like I would have done if they were guy friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.

And I walked off and started talking to my friends again.

I didn’t try to make eye contact. Frankly, I didn’t care. I know that it made me feel good, thought. Giving with no thought of anything in return.

Within 10 minutes, two of the girls at that table came up to me and thanked me for the drinks.

I remember smiling… and replying “No problem, you guys looked pretty friendly. I’d have done the same if it were my friends.”

We talked for a bit and they went back to the table.

Did anything happen that night?

No.

However, I did see those women out quite a bit and they had a shit ton of friends.

So, from then on out… I just decided that I’d meet people just to meet them. Women, men… it didn’t matter. As long as I was having fun meeting people, I didn’t care.

I wasn’t out trying to “score”.

But the funny thing was that I was “scoring” more then than I ever scored in my life.

I’ve always hated picking up the phone and calling people so it was nice when people were calling ME all of the time to do stuff. Guys liked having me around because they’d want to be a part of one of my famous “stories”.

Women liked being around because they didn’t feel like some guy was always trying to get in their pants.

And then, I remember looking around one night and thought to myself:

“Look at all of these guys trying to pick up these women. They’re trying all of these lines and making funny gestures… buying drinks… and trying to win these girls over. And then you’ve got me… I’m just out having a good time meeting people and these same women are coming to talk TO ME!”

I quit trying to get phone numbers. I quit trying to score.

Think about that.

Now, I’m no damn guru by any means… so don’t even think that.

But here’s the deal… this is what I figured out a long time ago and its funny because I heard Brent Smith say it on this latest installment of Pickup Podcast…

“It’s really hard to be rejected if you’re not doing anything to get you rejected”

In other words, how can you be rejected if you’re just out meeting people and having a good time.

I’ve wrote in the past about my friend Bryan. He’s probably one of the most gifted conversationalists I’ve ever met and I’m telling you that I’ve never seen him get turned away by a group of women, no matter how great looking they are.

His secret:

He just goes up and is social. No tricks. No gimmicks. No hidden agenda. No “game”.

He just talks and has a good time.

Before he was married… he’d meet people everywhere: the gas station, grocery store, mall…

No shutdowns… ever.

I know you might find this hard to believe but when you go into ANY interaction with no real motives… you’ll be extremely surprised at the result.

Is it counterintuitive?

Yes.

Just wait… you’ll see