Shit test thread

This idea came from another forum(the VA forum), but I think it would be very helpful to us on here.

I will start this. Basically, I'll give a few shit tests (ST) and you guys come up with good responses for them. Then, after you've "blown threw" with your responses, you throw out shit tests that either you've heard yourself, you've dealt with yourself, or something that you haven't encountered but would like to know how to deal with.

Alright, here we go:

(ST)We're both married . . . and have 7 kids each!
(ST)Size matters . . . and you're not big enough for me.

Here's a set I answered before, but feel free to give your own answers to them:

Quote :

Shit test 1: we have bfs. don't you?

Shit test 2: (raises her drink) yes this is my bf.

Shit test 3: well we were having a serious conversation.

~Smoosh
Test 1: Boyfriends, as in only 2? Wow . . . you're a little behind . . . I can't have less than 4 girlfriends. I guess I'm more high maintenance than you . . . (with a wink)

or . . . Sorry hon, boys don't do it for me. And apparently you wouldn't do it for me either, thanks for the heads up, up front. (tap her butt as you leave)

Test 2: Cool. I know that will keep you nice and wet throughout the night.

Test 3: Seriously? That's why your friend is laughing? Kinda rude, don't you think?

or . . . Nice . . . you're being all nice and serious . . . so you don't want a warm, friendly guy coming over and injecting a smile into the mix (with a wink)

Shit test: What makes you think I would give you the time of day?

Shit test: What makes you think I would give you the time of day?

I've never encountered a girl this blunt but I'd just reply "your loss" and walk off.or start chatting to her friends and freeze her out until untill she appologises.


Shit test: I only date athletes/musicians

Quote :

Shit test: I only date athletes/musicians

Reply: And I only date pornstars and strippers, so you can relax.

I used this reply to a girl who said to me "The only guys I've ever dated were star athletes" after I told her that I wasn't into sports.




Shit test: Why should I tell you my name? I don't even know you.



-vH

Good aswer Vh!

Q. Why should I ell you my name? I don't even know you.

A. Because that's what friendly people do!

Or

Oh sorry should have guessed, you probably have a really embaracing name. Is it Rumplestiltskin?

Q. I'm way too old for you!

A: And to think I was going to let you have a sip of my juicebox.

A: Not if you greased up your new hip tonight.


When that age question comes up I allways say Im to young and wild for you to handle spin that right back on her.

Q: why arent you talking to your friends?

bump for a noteworthy thread


A: You're trying to blow me off? And to think I thought you looked lonely and needed some attention.


Q: (from a cockblock) Are you trying to pick her up?


-vH

-vH wrote:

Q: (from a cockblock) Are you trying to pick her up?
-vH

Haha. No man, I haven't decided if she should experience me or not. I need to get to know her first.

or

Nah, I might scare her if I grabbed her off the floor and picked her up.

or

Yep, somebody's got to give her a great experience with guys .

ST: My friend likes you.

Q: (from a cockblock) Are you trying to pick her up?


-- She'll have to pass her interview and drug test first.


---Are you kidding? I don't go for GIRLS like that... (pause) I don't trust Southpaws.

HB target: But I'm not left-handed (qualifying herself)

ME: I never even said I was taking applications, and eager beaver here is ready to audition.

ST: My friend likes you.


Greeeeeaaat.. Tell her take a number and get in line with the rest of 'em

(you have to establish yourself as a funny, teasing man first. Absolutely no way would I say this if I thought it sounded sincere.

Good answers!

How about the classic.....


Q: Lets just be friends!

Cock Diesel wrote:

ST: My friend likes you.


Greeeeeaaat.. Tell her take a number and get in line with the rest of 'em

(you have to establish yourself as a funny, teasing man first. Absolutely no way would I say this if I thought it sounded sincere.

LOL, your answers are great. However, THIS is where me and you differ, lol. I WOULD say it teasingly, but sincerely. In fact, in one of my venues, I'd have a crowd there to back up my words if I said something like this, so yeah, it would come across literally, lol.

randy1random wrote:

Good answers!

How about the classic.....


Q: Lets just be friends!

"OMG! I'm so sorry if I led you to believe I was going for more than that. Of COURSE we can just be friends! You couldn't handle being more with me anyway "

Q/ST: This is a girls' night out.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Cock Diesel wrote:

ST: My friend likes you.


Greeeeeaaat.. Tell her take a number and get in line with the rest of 'em

(you have to establish yourself as a funny, teasing man first. Absolutely no way would I say this if I thought it sounded sincere.

LOL, your answers are great. However, THIS is where me and you differ, lol. I WOULD say it teasingly, but sincerely. In fact, in one of my venues, I'd have a crowd there to back up my words if I said something like this, so yeah, it would come across literally, lol.

Want to hear something funny?

When an HB would ask- "what's your name?"

I'd say "My name is _____ (any name), but my friends call me 'the pantie melter' "


Some AFCs I have hung out with are shocked that i talk to girls like that. Then again, they are the 'can I buy you a drink' kind of guys.

I'll never forget what DD said--- "When you're funny, you can say anything and get away with it."

SO true