Do you ever pass up a lay?

Im going to follow my typical character and be painfully honest. Its been years, maybe about 4, since ive gotten laid. This has a to do with a combination of reasons including my social issues until i found PUA. However i have been in PUA for almost a year now, so why still no lay?

Im sure the first question asked is could i have gotten laid? and the answer is a resounding yes. I've had 2 targets blatently throw themselves at me or blatently invite me for sex. Both times i have turned it down....

Now im sure the questions is why?

2 reasons here...

-I have had plenty of sex in the past, i know what it feels like and its not something i need to do just to do it.

-More importantly, it would have comprimised my learning and education as a PUA at the time. One of my goals in PUA is to be able to select the women im with, and to attract a wider range of women. In both instances i did not furfill these goals. I attracted these girls outside of the bounds of PUA...thier attraction being based on my looks or something else...It is more important for me to do things "right" then it is to simply get laid.

Alot of PUAs put a huge importance in this number, they feel f-closes are progress, and in alot of ways im sure it can be. However keep in mind its not the only measure of growth as a PUA. If you have gotten laid since becomming a PUA, think back and ask yourself honestly if each time you achieved that because of what you learned, or for some exterior reason like your looks or something other then your PUA abilities.

Thanks guys, later

Same here, Ive been really close to a few SNLs but my PUA goal isnt how many girls I can have sex with its becoming a guy women want to be around. So, Ive made my skill as such and I have a long road ahead to achieve the goal I wanted.

I really liked this post. I understand why many use numbers as a way to judge success, because thats their goal. As for me, thats nowhere near my goal. Most PUAs just get brainwashed by the you must sex everything mentality.

Well, hobbit Ive always been interested in what your reasoning for being in PUA is

Agreed. Lays are not the most important thing at all, and not a good measure to judge ones success. It really comes down to if you are happy with the women in your life. I've passed up a few times when I could have but I knew nothing would come from it relationship wise. Of course, there have been a few times I have gone ahead as well I guess just to see if I could.

Good post Ka

Excellent post. To me, I'm in it for the power or knowledge that I can turn-down sex.

The power of selection is more impressive than the number of notches on one's bed post.

Thanks guys i apreciate the input. It just seems the bigger this PUA thing gets the dimmer the basic, fundemental aspects of it get. No matter how tainted it gets, i won't forget where it started and why PU attracted me.

I like to point out to almost everyone I teach, that I was seriously and actively working on my skills with women (I've decided to drop the PUA label, I haven't liked it for a long time and I just accepted it, because I felt that being a part of the community made me one; Hobbit, I hope you note this change in opinions, as we've discussed this at length) for about 8 months and had known about the community for about 15 months, as well as having run several workshops, before I had my first sexual experience as a result of working on those skills. This was by choice. I had girls interested, I even had a few get upset that I wouldn't take them home, but I was waiting till I found a girl I had a connection with.

When I did finally find that girl, it was great and well well well worth the wait. After I broke up with her because of various reasons that you may or may not remember I discussed in my journal, I ended up hooking up with a girl on a day 2. I wasn't really interested in her and the sex was pretty lame and I ended up hopping in the shower right after she left and washing myself feverishly because I felt so dirty. I hope to never feel like that again, although I'm not saying I won't participate in a ONS again, I just had better feel something there.

I think you should just keep on abstaining until you find the girl you connect with and then go for it. I don't think you should make it just about using your PUA skills, I think you just need to think about what matters to you and I think you're gonna find that that is making a connection. If I'm wrong and you feel you need to prove your skills to yourself, so be it, but don't do it just cause you used your skills to get her, do it because you liked her as well, or you may end up in the shower with a scouring pad and leaning over the toilet bowl worried that you were going to puke from revulsion with what you had just done. You may look in the mirror as I did and say, "Damn, I'm a fucking Ladies' Man...who would have expected it 3 years ago?" but that didn't stop the other things from following...

Well, anyone that knows me fairly well or has watched the forum knows that I have passed up blatant lays myself.

Was I tempted? Yes, I won't lie, I was tempted. The girls that made the offers weren't bitches, or the type that don't take care of themselves, or grannies. Wasn't anything of that sort. The girls were attractive and made the offers very enticing, but it wasn't what I was interested in at that moment, so I passed them up. I also knew I had other options, so I didn't need them anyway. In fact, those nights when I passed those lays up, I still got laid elsewhere. But the other lays, which I knew were coming anyway, was what I was looking for to begin with, not what was being offered on the spot.

Overall, yes, I agree that this community is about much more than sex, but you can't deny sex is a big part of it. However, the desires and urges don't have to control you, even though evolutionarily speaking they would control you, because speaking in that manner, that's what the purpose of those desires and urges are . . . to reproduce, to keep your line going.

Re: Do you ever pass up a lay?

Post by Ka Today at 19:20
I agree with both of you, but consider that my post has nothing to do with relationships, taste, etc...its all about the motivation or the reasons for either doing the deed or passing it up.

For me the reason for passing it up was first and foremost because i didnt feel i achieved it through "proper" means. I didnt want to reinforce behavior that led to a lay if it wasnt behavor that would consistently get me what i want.

Of course i have my tatses, but id say +95% of the time, i can tell if a girl has the proper personality for me from the point i see her to maybe after having talked to her for about a min. There are rare ocasions where the girls personality changes or isnt as aparent to me at first.

Typically speaking, i wouldnt waste gaming a girl to the point of getting laid if i didnt have a conncetion with her and if she didnt meet my standards. For now i try and ignore that "filter" and game all girls as if im interested, for the purpose of tweaking my abilities.

Despite being in the community for almost a year, certain circumstances outside of my control (mainly finacial) limit my ability to get out and socialize and get the concentrated "practice" i need. So i've propably got the hands on experience of someone whos been in the community for 1-3 months.

As for sex being a part of PUA, sure...but my personal reasons for getting into PUA had very little to do with sex or girls for that matter...my major reason was the realization that my social life was spiraling dangerously close to literally "being alone". I had been so anti social the friends i really cared about where starting to give up.

So this post was about 2 things really;

-Simply saying i have been without sex for a long time

-Pointing out that thats not a bad thing

Hopefully others will see this and realize its not about sex. Persoanlly when i do something if i do it at all i give it 110% or i dont bother. Sometimes to achieve that growth you need to sacrafice what you want and trade that for hard work.
-Ka-
"Be the same, only better."

DigitalVisions.org
Free Digital Video & Photo editing help
My Ebay Store
Auto A/C Compressors ford dodge chevy honda nissan gmc

Rye Lee wrote:

I like to point out to almost everyone I teach, that I was seriously and actively working on my skills with women (I've decided to drop the PUA label, I haven't liked it for a long time and I just accepted it, because I felt that being a part of the community made me one; Hobbit, I hope you note this change in opions, as we've discussed this at length) for about 8 months and had known about the community for about 15 months, as well as having run several workshops, before I had my first sexual experience as a result of working on those skills. This was by choice. I had girls interested, I even had a few get upset that I wouldn't take them home, but I was waiting till I found a girl I had a connection with.

When I did finally find that girl, it was great and well well well worth the wait. After I broke up with her because of various reasons that you may or may not remember I discussed in my journal, I ended up hooking up with a girl on a day 2. I wasn't really interested in her and the sex was pretty lame and I ended up hopping in the shower right after she left and washing myself feverishly because I felt so dirty. I hope to never feel like that again, although I'm not saying I won't participate in a ONS again, I just had better feel something there.

I think you should just keep on abstaining until you find the girl you connect with and then go for it. I don't think you should make it just about using your PUA skills, I think you just need to think about what matters to you and I think you're gonna find that that is making a connection. If I'm wrong and you feel you need to prove your skills to yourself, so be it, but don't do it just cause you used your skills to get her, do it because you liked her as well, or you may end up in the shower with a scouring pad and leaning over the toilet bowl worried that you were going to puke from revulsion with what you had just done. You may look in the mirror as I did and say, "Damn, I'm a fucking Ladies' Man...who would have expected it 3 years ago?" but that didn't stop the other things from following...

Is this a concession to our lengthy debate of naturals vs puas on puaf? Did you just say Hobbit your right :-P

I guess I am conceding the point. I remember saying that basically if you study the stuff, then you fall under the umbrella; I believe this was just me finding comfort in being able to point to a label, as people find labels reassuring in that they don't have to continually search for what something is exactly (especially so when it's ourselves). I felt that the label could be broad enough to encompass what I am, yet I've realised that it is no where near broad enough and as such, I find the label only limits the perception of who I am.

As Sean Messenger put it to me, "Anyone labels me a PUA; I'm gonna kick them in the nuts until they rupture...in the heart. I find all labels damaging and dehumanizing. Call me anything; call me 'brother', call me 'mate', call me 'Sean'." Upon hearing this, I realised just how damaging it was to who I am, to be called a PUA, as I am not one, nor have I ever strived to uphold the ideals of one as far as quantity and such are concerned.

I have very different goals and I think that this actually does tie into this thread, although this seems to have gone a little off track, allow me to tie it back in; PUAs tend to place too much value on sex, on getting numbers, on picking up new girls and even on having relationships. Truly I do enjoy being with women, I wouldn't be here otherwise. Truly I love being in a relationship and even occassionally having a one-night stand, or something casual, or a fuck buddy, if there is a connection and passion involved. Unlike most guys that label themselves as PUAs though, I don't judge my success based upon these things, nor do I judge the success of others, nor do I feel that I need any of these things; I've been single for several months now and haven't slept with any women, or engaged in any relationships with them, because I've been so busy and happy taking care of other things, that I feel a relationship would only hinder me at the moment; if one comes along, then great, I won't resist, but I'm not actively going out in search of one. This was exactly what my original goal was when I began to learn the skills I needed to interact with women; I didn't want to be out looking for girls all the time, I just wanted to be able to get the ones that I ran into during the course of my life.

So I think that if you're out there 3 times a week searching for a girl, that's fine, if that's what you feel you need. I also think it's perfectly fine not to have sex for years at a time and wait till you find the right girl(s).

That's where my issue with labels comes in. I don't judge my success on sheer numbers either, but I know without a doubt that I could get whatever girl at whatever time. I've done it and still do it, when I want. However, the label of PUA doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel damaged by it or anything like that. I know that I help guys to get laid, and I have no problem with that. We all have needs and desires that need to be taken care of, both guys and girls. I also know that PUA, as it is today, covers a lot more than just getting laid, and I'm fine with that too. So, the label itself has no effect on me. If someone wants to call me a PUA, that's fine, I don't care. If they want to call me Tripp, that's fine, I don't care. If they want to call me dude, bro, buddy, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. It's all just some name to refer to me, and that's it. Some names carry a connotation of affection, such as bro, which adds to the name or "tag", which is cool with me too. If a guy calls me dude, to me it's a bonding word. If a girl calls me dude, to me it's an effort at trying to keep from bonding so much, to keep a slight bit of distance, which is also fine with me. Anyway I look at it, they are words, and don't do any damage to my psyche.

But that's just me. I'm not inferring that anyone is weak for feeling different than this. This is just me.

Most people here know I have more than one woman in my life. Most people here know that I HAVE been with several women. I purposely haven't revealed numbers because that shouldn't be an important issue. What is important, as far as I'm concerned, and since I teach this, is that I have the ability to do this whenever and wherever I want to, so I can teach this skill to others as well.

At the same time, these skills I teach, and most of the rest of us here who teach as well, know that these skills are valuable for more than just picking up hot girls. So yes, it's more far reaching than just finding a fuck for the night, or it could be used for finding a fuck for the night as well.