A way to handle being blown off?

This occurred to me last night....

An HB and I were texting back and forth, possibly planning to get together last night. She told me she wanted to see me that night. The last text I sent her was "I'm watching UFC. You are welcome to join me"

She didn't respond. Meanwhile, I completely pass out and end up missing the UFC anyway.

The next morning (today), HB texts me:

HB: So sorry about last night. I fell asleep and woke up at midnight. My fault, oopsie. I'll make it up to you.

Now, the AFC thing to do would to have kept on texting her last night.. or try and make her feel bad about blowing me off..

But instead, I don't text her again, and she texted me that apology the next day.

What I am proposing is, after being blown off, to text her something that is like an apology from ME when she is technically the one who blew me off..

So, it would go something like this..

You make plans with a girl, she blows you off. Instead of calling her on her shit, you actually apologize to her, as if it were YOUR fault, and you're sorry YOU blew her off.... If you call her on her shit, it does nothing. It makes the whole situation uncomfortable. Meanwhile, if YOU are the one apologizing ("OMg, I'm really sorry... I got unexpectedly busy with xyz and forgot to call you back" (even though SHE was actually the one who was supposed to call YOU..)

It shows that, not only did it not bother you that she blew you off, YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE... You thought it was YOU'RE fault...

I had a really good (late) friend who would do this with me. I'd flake, forget to call, or something and HE would be the one to say "bro, I'm really about yesterday... I got so tied up and forgot to call, etc etc..."

It takes the pressure off me.. I felt bad for being a bad friend (forgetting to call, etc). I'm wondering how this will strain our relationship, etc, then he made me feel it was all good, that it was his fault...

Do you guys get my drift?

Read my response to your other thread. I think you need to become less reactive man, cause you're being very expressive in what you say and I think you're showing too much. Tone it down some, don't make it "OMG I'm sorry I forgot to call you" just make it "Eh, no big deal, I was so tired I actually passed out on the couch watching tv myself, so I wouldn't have been awake if you'd dropped by."

Note the disqualifier at the end there, which I thought of after I made that other post.

I know you're trying to flip the frame on the girl with this, but what you are proposing is what every AFC would do . . . hence she would slot you along with them.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

I know you're trying to flip the frame on the girl with this, but what you are proposing is what every AFC would do . . . hence she would slot you along with them.

I don't think so. Perhaps I didn't do a good job of explaining the idea, but an AFC would have been like:

"You didn't text me back.. I'm so unhappy.. you ruined my night"

Instead, You make it out like YOU are the one who flaked or forgot about her... It lets her know you've got more going on in your life than waiting by the phone for her call. In this instance, you actually FORGOT she was supposed to call..

I didn't mean to be overly apologetic about it.. Only just letting her know that she is of so little importance to you right now in your life that you forgot who was supposed to call who. She thinks she flaked on you, but instead, you believe you are the one who flaked on her.. You casually say "eh.. I meant to call but got totally tied up" or something.

An AFC would either be like what you said above, or what you said at the top. An AFC would also apologize, because he is hoping not to offend her. He is treating her as the prize, so he says he is sorry to make sure she isn't called out on it. He is too scared to call her out on it.

Hobbit wrote:

An AFC would either be like what you said above, or what you said at the top. An AFC would also apologize, because he is hoping not to offend her. He is treating her as the prize, so he says he is sorry to make sure she isn't called out on it. He is too scared to call her out on it.

Yeah, to not be AFC, you STATE that you fell asleep, or forgot and got busy with something else, so it's not a big deal and you're not bothered, but you don't appologize.

Rye Lee wrote:

Hobbit wrote:

An AFC would either be like what you said above, or what you said at the top. An AFC would also apologize, because he is hoping not to offend her. He is treating her as the prize, so he says he is sorry to make sure she isn't called out on it. He is too scared to call her out on it.

Yeah, to not be AFC, you STATE that you fell asleep, or forgot and got busy with something else, so it's not a big deal and you're not bothered, but you don't appologize.

That's where I differ on this. I think that by telling her you fell asleep actually doesn't increase your value, because you weren't actually busy. Sure, you didn't care, but you weren't busy. Now, if that particular piece of info is left out, she could fill in the blank thinking that you were indeed busy with someone else, which is what you want her to think anyway.

If you weren't busy, but just flat out didn't care, and had nothing to do, that is also something held in common with a bum or a couch potato, neither of which are high value.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

Rye Lee wrote:

Hobbit wrote:

An AFC would either be like what you said above, or what you said at the top. An AFC would also apologize, because he is hoping not to offend her. He is treating her as the prize, so he says he is sorry to make sure she isn't called out on it. He is too scared to call her out on it.

Yeah, to not be AFC, you STATE that you fell asleep, or forgot and got busy with something else, so it's not a big deal and you're not bothered, but you don't appologize.

That's where I differ on this. I think that by telling her you fell asleep actually doesn't increase your value, because you weren't actually busy. Sure, you didn't care, but you weren't busy. Now, if that particular piece of info is left out, she could fill in the blank thinking that you were indeed busy with someone else, which is what you want her to think anyway.

If you weren't busy, but just flat out didn't care, and had nothing to do, that is also something held in common with a bum or a couch potato, neither of which are high value.

I see where you're coming from with this, but I disagree, because if you just say that it's not a big deal, but don't say what you got up to, then she may take it as you just being a push-over. I'd much rather say that I was just friggin tired and passed out from exhaustion (which implies that I was indeed very busy before hand, thus showing the HV) than leaving it up to her whether she thinks that I was busy or that I will just forgive her any offense that she comes up with an excuse for.

Not that I disagree with Tripp entirely, but I'd assume that hes past the point of having to demonstrate value. If he passed out, he passed out. It's not like its going to DLV him so bad she is no longer attractive, its just a neutral statement.

What about a derivative of:

"Something came up"