How Do I Get Him Back?

How Do I Get Him Back?

To let you know, over the years there is
something fascinating I've discoved about men
and how and why they stay connected to one woman
and choose to create a great relationship filled
with love and affection-

It's NOT because of all the talking that some
women worry needs to take place between them and
a man.

And it's not because a man "figures it out"
and changes his ways.

I've discovered that there is ONE THING a man
MUST FEEL for him to WANT to commit to you for a
real relationship that will last through the ups
and downs that of course come up.

If a man feels this one thing, then everything
else such as his many excuses or reasons he has
been holding on to about why he's not "ready" will
simply fall away.

And this one thing is the magic feeling called
ATTRACTION.

I’m not talking about shallow Physical
Attraction here.

I’m talking about something that goes WAY
DEEPER and is more powerful when a man feels it.

This deeper kind of attraction will make you
absolutely IRRESISTIBLE to a man, and make him
WANT to commit to you and only you because he has
to have you all for himself.

When you create this kind of attraction inside
a man, it can mean the difference between constant
STRUGGLLING to get what you want and need in your
relationship...

Or having a kind of effortless "flow" of love
and affection in your relationship, where
everything just WORKS.

What you’ll learn is so powerful and
eye-opening, it’ll completely change the way you
see men, dating, and relationships.

And if you apply everything I’m going to show
you, I know that you’ll start seeing immediate
POSITIVE RESULTS in your love life.

So let's get started...

Check out this great question I got from
a reader about getting back with her ex.

It's a question I get all the time from women
that points out a common misunderstanding women
have about men.

>>> Question From A Reader:

Dear Christian,

I'm sorry but I need to ask you a question. I
need advice and help. Me and my ex have been
together off and on many times, recently we just
broke up and now he's dating someone else.
(he doesn't know what he wants) But I know he
still has very big feelings for me and I want
advice and help on getting him back. Even though
he's dating someone right now, he still has
feelings for me, and I need help on getting him
back with me and not with her.

Please help!

Sincerely,
Needy and Hopeless


>>>My Response:

Thanks for writing, your email has about 147
great things here.

Let's look at a few of them....

The first important issue is that you're
ignoring all the important signs your ex is
giving you.

Please don't be naive...

Wake up!

Realize what's going on here.

If he's dating someone else, you've got to
start moving on.

He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to get
back together.

If you challenge this idea, you need to
recognize that he's not in the right place in
his life to share what you want with him.

This doesn't mean you should to go out and
try to date right now, but you need to take your
mind off him.

This is hard for a woman when you still have
feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself
up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment.

Yeah, I've seen couples get back together
like this... but the odds are things don't look
good for this old relationship.

The more you can distance yourself from your
ex whose dating another woman, the happier you'll
be.

Trust me.

I know doing this is tough, but you've got to.

You're also making a lot of assumptions about
his feelings when you say "he has very big
feelings for me" when you know he's dating someone
else.

Thinking about this only keeps you stuck on
him and his feelings.

If you listen to the signals your ex is
sending you, you'll see that his "feelings" are
just his way of holding onto you for his own
comfort.

He's already dating another woman.

That should give you a clear idea of where
his mind is at (not focused on getting back with
you) and what his "feelings" TRULY are.

Here's what I want you to do first and
foremost....

Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.

Right now it sounds like your waiting for him
to make all the decisions.

Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and
remember all the things your ex has done and
said to let you know he's not committed to
sharing his love with you.

If you give him and yourself some space, a
funny thing might happen you won't expect....

Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of
two women who both want his affection.

He won't know that you're still there waiting
for him - and this will trigger thoughts and
actions in him that will ultimately help resolve
your situation.

Until then....

For your own well-being, it's important you
let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate
feelings with you while he's dating another woman.


HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:

****
Never allow men who have "someone else" in their
life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings
for you.
****

It's wrong on several levels... for you most
of all.

When a man can have the affection of two
women, and he's in a place where he's emotionally
non-committed to either, odds are he will try to
keep this situation going for as long as possible!

Not all men would do this, but men who are
"unavailable", as it sounds your ex is, can
continue multiple initimate situations at once.

You don't want to date a man that's in this
place in his life..... and I know because I've
been this guy in my past!

NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning
with him can get him to feel the way you want him
to feel.

You can't change a man's emotional depth and
where he's at in his life.

"Getting him back" is a bad idea.

Rarely does this give you what you think you
want.

It's a losing battle, and you're going to end
up being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly
keep moving farther and farther away from what
YOU ideally want and closer and closer to whatever
strange and unhealthy situation he's creating.

If you feel like you HAVE to see this through,
then be careful. You're going against the odds.

Don't be "that girl".

And I promise that you'll ruin your chances
if you think you can "convince" him to come back
to you through shows of affection, appeals to his
desires or other "gifts" to bribe him.

I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many
times.

The reality is... it just doesn't work.

Instead, you should think about the times
you've broken up and the times you've seen that
he wasn't personally ready for a relationship.

Those things are as real as the strong feelings
and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.

Use the issues and challenges you had together
as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you
two apart now.

And once you start doing this, I think you're
going to be strangely surprised at what starts
to happen for you...

Once your guy notices that he doesn't have
you waiting around for him like a puppy dog to
figure it out, while he's off doing god knows
what with other women, there's going to be a big
change in his attitude and behavior.

It doesn't make "sense", but that's how it
WORKS.


THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS
AND IDENTIFYING A GOOD MAN FROM AN "UNAVAILABLE" ONE

You've got to learn to understand and identify
"EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" men.

If a man doesn't know what he wants, he
generally doesn't want what he's got.

This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of
the situation. And even when it isn't completely
true, it's a good rule to go by.

A good man who is the right person and wants
to be with you will find his own way to his
"Emotional Truth".

If his truth is that he wants to be with you,
or not be with you, you have to respect that.

But I see women do it all the time.

The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle
(or even direct) signs that he's not "available"
or interested in something "serious", but the
woman ignores them and just pays attention to the
fact that he likes being with her when they're
together.

In other words, she substitutes the physical
connection, or even the occasional emotional
connection, for the real relationship she wants
to be in.

Big mistake.

Men have a different "love equation" from women.

Here it is, so pay attention-

A strong CONNECTION does NOT equal a
RELATIONSHIP.

In fact, a strong connection doesn't even often
mean a man is interested in any kind of relationship.

A man can and will simply enjoy what he feels
when he's around you... and think nothing more of
it. (Unless he starts FEELING something more with
you)

That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to
read the signals that a man sends about where he's
at... and to know how to create the situations
with a man that will start the feelings inside
him that tell him you are "relationship material."

I'm sure you already know that a man isn't
just going to call you up and lay it all out
there for you with how he's feeling and exactly
what he wants from what you have.

If you're waiting around and hoping or
expecting a man to finally "get it together" and
start talking and sharing his feelings with you
in this way when you're not even in a relationship,
then you could be waiting a VERY long time.

If you find a man who does do this, please
write me an email, tell me all about it, and give
me his mailing address so I can send him his prize.

When a guy isn't interested in a relationship,
and he's doing something like seeing other women,
things usually go from bad to worse for most
women not only because the situation sucks and
it feels so bad...

But because they become their own worst enemies
and start doing all the wrong things that only
make things worse.

Here's what most women start doing that makes
things go from bad to worse...

First they start trying to communicate with
the man more as they try and "fix" things.

Or more to the point, the try and "fix" the guy.

And then comes the next round of things that
only make a man want to pull away more-

The CONVINCING behaviors start.

These include trying to convince a man that you
are the right one for him with YOUR WORDS... and
trying to explain that because you share such a
great connection that you and he in a committed
relationship is the only right choice- or else he's
crazy or messed up or doesn't get it.

Now, I know it sounds strange and bizarre that
a man would have a great connection with a woman
and NOT WANT to explore it more and grow what it
is into something even better in a relationship.

Which begs the question-

Why would a man have a great woman and share a
great connection with her that felt amazing, and
then not want more of it in a great relationship?

I'll get to that later...

The thing I'm worried about here for you is
that in trying to get your guy back, you're making
a lot of the mistakes that not only don't work to
draw a man back to you...

But they actually push a man away and completely
turn him off to even the thought of spending much
time with you.

I'm talking about the "fixing" and the "pleading"
and the "convincing."

These things are like "man-repellent".

Here's the deal...

You can't CONVINCE a man to want to be with you.

There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated
to helping you both understand the emotional world
of a man (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a
better way of being with and understanding you.

So make the choice to do something about your
love-life and create the situation you want in
your life.

If a man isn't FEELING it for you to the point
that he is already open and wanting for himself
of the thing you're trying to convince him of...

Then NO AMOUNT of whining, pleading, convincing,
crying, reasoning or begging is going to change
his mind or make him feel differently.

That's just not how it works.

I don't know the specifics surrounding your
off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.

Especially when it's combined with him not
"knowing what he wants".

This is CLASSIC man-speak for "I'm not
emotionally available or conscious of what I want,
and therefore and I'm not ready for a real
relationship like the one you want."

If only he had the insight into himself and
where he was at to tell you this himself.

When he can't get in touch with his feelings
and isn't open to exploring them, it's a textbook
case of unavailability.

I don't mean that he can't share feelings or
some level of intimacy with you....

In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect
with you when things are easy-going and he's not
feeling "pressure" around you.

But your ex sharing his feelings with you can
easily confuse you into thinking that he is
potentially the right guy and ready for a long
term relationship.

I'm sure you've seen this since you've been
back and forth with him. But when a guy is
unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper into
a relationship that he knows he's not ready for.

In his own way he's tried to tell you this
several times.

Here's what he's saying:

Yes, I have "feelings" for you.

And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a
relationship with you and be committed and faithful.

Take some time to think about the past with
your ex, and then compare that to what will
honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of
relationship you want in your future.

If you're honest about it with yourself, I
don't think he'll fit well into that based on his
ACTIONS.

Here's a quick tip that never fails with men-

A man's ACTIONS say more about how he really
feels than anything else.

And not just his loving actions with you, but
his distant and "uncertain" ones too.

Do NOT make the mistake of fitting yourself
into a pair of rose colored glasses and only
choosing to look at and see the positive or loving
things a man does because you're secretly dying
for proof that he really does want you.

This won't help you, or what could turn into
a real relationship.

Put more value on his actions, not his words.

Get back to the things that you enjoy, the
places you like to go and avoid places or things
you used to do or see with your ex.

Spend some time with your friends and give
yourself the space you deserve.

The less you talk about your ex and this
situation for now, the better off you'll be.

And I think you'll be amazed at the results.

First, I think you'll just plain old feel
better.

But even better than that, you'll be breaking
the old connection that you had with your "x".

And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking
out of your old connection is actually the thing
that's going to change the situation for you the
most and help get you the results you want.

Right now, your convincing him and your wanting
him back, even when he's with another woman, is
making you come off in all kinds of ways that men
just don't respond well to.

I know it seems like the best idea to keep
trying to stay in touch with him and keep the
connection alive.

But the truth is that you're just keeping this
same old situation alive by draining your time and
attention and energy into it.

Instead, here's what you need to do:

Step back and stop chasing him and trying to
convince him you're the right woman.

Once you do this, you'll have an opportunity
to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE
to him-

You first leave a space that he'll not
recognize and not understand, which will first
get him thinking about you and then wondering why
you aren't acting the way you used to.

Men love "new" things and curiosities.

Plus, you'll also be able to give him the
space he's tried asking you for in his retarded
emotioanally unavailable "man-speak".

Something funny happens when a man gets the
space he asked for-

If you do it in the right way, he's forced to
deal with himself and his own feelings to figure
out all the things he is worried about,
afraid of, fearful of "committing to", etc.

And being by himself, he'll see that these
things are really just in his own mind - and not
bad things about YOU.

In other words - he won't keep taking all the
old "stuff" from the past that wasn't working and
keep identifying it with YOU.

But you've got to know the way to "re-wire" the
connection once you've broken the old one.

And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll come
calling wondering about you.

Here is my thing about this post. If it isn't working, then it isn't working. Because this is damaging to your core. Look, if it didn't work before, then it isn't going to work later. Sure you might mend it temporarily, but once you two figure out why it didn't work and why it isn't working down the road, then before you know it, that fire you "rekindled", is going to burn out. You CANNOT change anyone else's mind to suit or conform to what you want. EVER. That will disinterest the other person.