just poppin in for a bit of help

hello there,im jimbo, id just thought id pop onto your site for a bit of help,im a bloke who has suffered alot with confidence,real nice guy beta male type and over the past couple of years ive been workin on it with some success,i want to be a high value man! i want to be comfortable in my own skin and i want to be able to handle best of them,well ive done alot of research and i know i have to work on being alpha,handleing amogs,dhvin and so on and have been making some progress. well ive an idea of how i could speed this up but im not sure about it because it could hurt me in the pocket.you see im a barber,i rent a chair in a very successful shop,and im by far the busiest,im good at what i do but where i stand out i think is im by far the nicest guy in the shop,ive been a nice beta male all my life so it comes easy to me! i agree with everything and listen to all there bullshit and they keep coming back.they also treat me like shit,theyl wait 45 minutes for me, let everyone else go to the other barbers and then walk all over me,now not all of them but alot,the boys are always jokein bout how i attract all the assholes,and the thing is if i see them in public there not even nice they stil act superior,so i was thinking about changeing things and balanceing things out a bit,i average bout 25 customers a day,is this an opportunity to practice or should i keep things seperate? any help would be great!

Welcome to the forum!

Ok, so you're JUST looking for help on handling your regular customers? Or, are you looking to be more successful with females as well?

thanks,i want to improve all round,to be a better person,i to be a person people want to know and im sure this will improve all parts of my life,i was just wondering how practiceing on my customers would affect things,i feel when im dealing with one and hes being a know it all, if i disagree that il never see him again,but just resently when one bloke was telling me how shit every player on a certain football team was,which i didn agree with, i just lost it and told him exactly what i thought and shut him right up!and when the haircut was finished he asked for the shop number so hed know when i was working and how great the job was that i did!now that was a shock and got me thinking,i know deep down im alpha,im just conditioned and i want to shake it,do you think i should use my job as practice? thanks

Alright, I agree that you have the alpha buried inside you, and you've been conditioned to be beta.

Tell me, do you rent the space in this shop to do your work? Is it equivalent to you being self-employed?

yeah im self employed,i pay a set rate to the shop owner every week and everything after thats my own,i do my own taxs and all that,but i cant do as i please, hes still my boss i have to do the hours he says,hes ok though, theres five of us and we work as a team the boss having the last say,hes very fair and we all do well enough

Ok, which brings us to my question . . . if you were to get . . . a bit "out of hand" let's say, as far as pushing boundaries or rocking the boat, or whatever, would YOUR boss cut off your rented space or something? Would he retaliate?

In general, yes, you standing up for yourself there is a GOOD thing, which answers the question you've asked. I'm just personally curious about the retaliation aspect of your boss.

See what I'm saying?

yeah i know what you mean,well my boss has the shop nearly 40 years and hes at a stage were hes not so worried,he thinks very highly of me and when hes not around im in charge,ive a feeling hes gonna ask me to buy him out soon,i suppose if anyone would get away with it it would be me,well i dont exactly want to battle every customer that comes into the shop,but i was thinking there has to be something i can practice especially wit alphas and he value people instead of being super nice all the time!

Gotcha.

Ok, what you need to work on is having a dominating frame, or mindset. In your head, you are the one in control, you are the one in charge, you are THE high value person in the shop. You need to work on believing this. Once you do, this will "leak out" through your body language and words.

It sounds simple. It does take work. But it starts with your own thoughts about yourself.

Obviously it goes into a bit more depth than that, but first things first. Do you know how to start with this? With changing your thoughts?

yeah ive a good idea,i can justify it to myself with references and use what im un happy about as leverage,is this what you mean,could you add anything,thanks man!

Good start. Plus, on a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle, top to bottom. Left side label it "strengths/assets", right side label it "weaknesses/liabilities". Put everything down you can think of on both sides. Everything. See which side is greater. My bet is the left side will be greater. Regardless of whether it is right at this moment or not, this will show what you need to work on and what is going good right now.

Knowing that you are the leader of men gives you confidence. Knowing that you can please a woman sexually like no other man can gives you confidence (even more than the first one). These are two key aspects of your mindset we'll need to work on. These things will bleed out through your body language. That contributes to your dominating frame among peers.

sounds good man! ill do what you said,talk to you soon thanks

I want to recommend a book, called the Definitive book of Body Language, by Pease

Helps you build your outer game by showing strength and dominance, which will lead to improved inner confidence

Thanks Cro for mentioning that book. I've seen body language books, but have not yet read that one. I've heard good things about it though.