I'm missing out on so much

Ok, so I've finally come to terms that for the time being I will have to work with what I have in this shitty Navy town (no offense LaRock). There are only 4 clubs here that I can get into. I've pretty much squashed my own AA issues (about fuckingtime), but honestly clubs are one of the most uncomfortable social settings for me. Ok, loud music is no big deal, God knows I've read enough PUA stuff on how to deal with that.

Combining loud, terrible music with stupid kids, and the fact that I'm a horrible dancer just ruins an entire night for me. I try not to let it bother me but it does. I move around, I open set after set after set, The "I'm social" vibe is going but deep down I'm not having fun at all. The fact that I'm not having fun really gets to me and it starts making my game sloppy the longer I stay. Is there anyway to get over this?

I don't want to run away from this problem, if I do my night-game will basically be non-existent until I'm 21. Day-game is GREAT, but it seems to be all I got, other than online game.

Any words of wisdom anyone?

Loud, terrible music, stupid kids, and you're a horrible dancer. Those things make you miserable, eh?

So, tackle each one. Loud, terrible music you do simply have to deal with. I have one club here that has obnoxiously loud music. I don't use the club much, but it does serve purposes at times.

Stupid kids. Well, work on your alpha mindset and overshadow them. You will ALWAYS have stupid people around that act like kids, even if they are 40 or 50 years old. Get used to that one bro. I've got a DJ here that loves to blow the sets my wings or students get into . . . and he's got a g/f . . . and he's late 40's or so in age. It's pathetic really. So, the solution there is for ME to blow HIM out . . . when we're actually supposed to be friends, but obviously friendship to him means something entirely different. He's jealous, to be honest.

Horrible dancer. For THAT one . . . take the initiative and learn some decent dance moves, then work on feeling the rhythm of the music. Sounds like work, but if it helps you to feel more comfortable with yourself (because THAT'S what THIS problem REALLY is), then you need to do it. I've used YouTube videos to help me with my dancing. Now I draw good attention for my dancing usually.

The other possibility is look for alternate venues, not a club but maybe a dinner (we have one here called great american dinner) that is packed with young people 24/7. Other options include finding the "college" crowd and seeing what they do, house parties etc. Lastly, its possible to join a group or club...maybe an improv acting group, open mic night standup, etc.

Even in a small town these things can be found...if not in that town in the next one over. Worst case scenario it doesnt exsist close enough and you make it happen. Start that improv group, throw a party, etc.

Initiative, take some initiative Paul, exclaimed James to his son Paul Ryan.

Now it's understood that there are some hangups that may occur when your out trying to spread the all year holiday cheer. What must be said is that putting together tight game isn't a ready made home that you can just move in. You have to lay the foundation.

You have already move past AA, that's a very good thing. Now, you must rewire your way of thinking my dude. But first let me share this with you. Mathematics at the college level gives me fits. Im always in class everyday and on time. I take a quiz every week. Most of the time I get by in the quiz. What impeded my progression math was my thought process, I set my goals on just whizzing by barely, as opposed to prepping my self for the better grade.

Its always about believing that you can change the outcome. That is where it all starts and ends. peace,lvoe and succe SS

Excellent example Fortune.

Fortunehooks1 wrote:

  Mathematics at the college level gives me fits. Im always in class everyday and on time. I take a quiz every week. Most of the time I get by in the quiz. What impeded my progression math was my thought process, I set my goals on just whizzing by barely, as opposed to prepping my self for the better grade.

Its always about believing that you can change the outcome. That is where it all starts and ends. peace,lvoe and succe SS

Not only that, but at the very basic level you have to believe you can succeed. If you have the mindset for failure your going to fail.

There however is a good balance between hope and realism. Realizing that a certain bar or a certain type of venue isnt to your liking (and probably never will be) is good...but you have to act on it. Try other venues to compare it to.

A good example is last night, i went to watch the cowboys vs eagles game with my bro, his buddy and his buddies g/f. It was a nice place more pub/sports bar, but because of the game alot of people...not claustrophobic, but almost full seating.

I start out with a good energy just enjoying myself talking to everyone, even being social with our waitress. However like 30-45 mins into things i just start feeling like im in a daze...all the peoples words in the entire bar meshed into this drone of incomprehensible talk...to the point i couldnt concentrate on the conversations i was in. This could be a mixture of my ADHD and my general social anxieties (i get anxiety when im in venues with lots of people), but my point is im not comfortable in places like that...i much prefer house parties or venues with an activity (mini golf, arcades, pool tables, etc) as those things help keep me focused on socializing and keep me entertained longer.

This doesnt mean i completely avoid a bar/club, but its not my first choice. The more intimate/personal the setting the more comfortable i am. Now i know that in many ways leaving or stretching your comfort zone is a good thing...but it can be done in more than one way. You can force yourself out of it and keep going to the same place...or you can force yourself out of it and check out a new place or type of place.