...The Light Bulb

After re-reading many posts on here and other forums (not just PUA) - the light bulb finally turned on.
Something clicked at my last session with my psychologist (who hasn't seen a shrink these days...) and it boils down to this:

Everything I have done, said, wore, and liked - was to get value, respect, even approval from other people. From my male peers to the attraction of female peers. After 24 years of doing this - and happiness is becoming a definition on paper than a reality feeling - I've realized that I have to start from scratch.

To literally break down myself...into pieces and slowly rebuild.

This past week I've realized its a status thing having a woman on my arm. Nothing to do with happiness or my feelings toward her - or hell - how she treats me. The way I live right now - in order to be successful (and happy = successful) you must have certain things. A beautiful girl is one of them. So when I talk to a girl, I'm thinking soo far ahead - that i'm not really even living in the moment. I'm too busy thinking 3-4 weeks down the line that if I was out in public and she held my hand - what would the response be.

Is she that hott that other guys would do double takes? So hott other girls would ponder my values?

I've realized this week that it's a status thing... I want to be Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck) reference.
To live your life in search of approval of other people - not even truly knowing what makes you happy as a person - is a very exhausting way to live. No wonder why I'm so tired all the time.

Awsome man, sounds like your getting it...we tried to tell you, but sometimes you just gotta figure it out yourself. Its gotta be about you, what you want, what makes you happy, how you feel....everyone elses feelings and actions are secondary to that.

Look forward to hearing the success story in a chapter or 2 when things are on the upswing.

Hallelujah! LOL. Well, it's taken a while for you to have this realization, but at least you finally did.

Glad to hear you haven't stopped your shrink sessions by the way.

Now the question is, are you ready to break yourself down, tear the junk apart, and rebuild the right way?

LaRockStar wrote:

After re-reading many posts on here and other forums (not just PUA) - the light bulb finally turned on.
Something clicked at my last session with my psychologist (who hasn't seen a shrink these days...) and it boils down to this:

Everything I have done, said, wore, and liked - was to get value, respect, even approval from other people. From my male peers to the attraction of female peers. After 24 years of doing this - and happiness is becoming a definition on paper than a reality feeling - I've realized that I have to start from scratch.

Hey, at least you realize this NOW. I didn't until I was 30 plus.

Quote :

To literally break down myself...into pieces and slowly rebuild.

This past week I've realized its a status thing having a woman on my arm. Nothing to do with happiness or my feelings toward her - or hell - how she treats me. The way I live right now - in order to be successful (and happy = successful) you must have certain things. A beautiful girl is one of them. So when I talk to a girl, I'm thinking soo far ahead - that i'm not really even living in the moment. I'm too busy thinking 3-4 weeks down the line that if I was out in public and she held my hand - what would the response be.

Is she that hott that other guys would do double takes? So hott other girls would ponder my values?

I've realized this week that it's a status thing... I want to be Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck) reference.
To live your life in search of approval of other people - not even truly knowing what makes you happy as a person - is a very exhausting way to live. No wonder why I'm so tired all the time.

Eh, who doesn't want the status thing in the end? That, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing man. The key is, does that rule your thought and actions? Right now, yes it does, for you. Hey, I love my status as well. The difference is, for me it's easy now. But, I also have status whether I walk in WITH a girl or not. Because even if I walk in alone . . . I will easily find one, and . . . everyone KNOWS that as well.

Yep, living to please others is extremely tiring . . . AND a no win deal. It's bad all around. Because it's IMPOSSIBLE to please others all the time. That's why knowing who YOU are, at your core, is so vital.

And you know what? Since you've had THIS breakthrough, the next steps WILL take you to that point, eventually, of all the guys and girls checking out who is on your arm . . . even though it's not actually a big deal to YOU anymore.

Yep, be in the moment when you meet a girl. You're definitely NOT looking to marry a girl within the first 10 seconds man. You have NO idea if she's even FIT to marry you.

Again, congrats on this light bulb. I truly AM proud of you!

LaRockStar wrote:

Something clicked at my last session with my psychologist (who hasn't seen a shrink these days...)

O yea i almost forgot...dude dont EVER apologize like that. Doing whats in your best interest is never belittling or degrading, so dont act like it is. Everyone has faults, and when you start treating it as knowing your faults makes you stronger...instead of admitting them makes you weaker....youll be better off.

Goin to my psychologist has helped me in soo many ways i cant even begin to fathom whatd id be like or where id be if i didnt have the courage and intiative to step foot into his office and open myself up.

Im so elated. You are on your way rockstar. This is some good news, good luck with that rebuilding project. peace,love and succ ess

Sigh...

Thank you for all the positive feedback.
I really didnt think it was that huge of a deal - but I guess knowing is half the battle.

So - about this rebuilding myself. Where exactly do I start? Its like not brushing your teeth for 24 years - then having to go to the dentist...

LaRockStar wrote:

Where exactly do I start?

Im not you, cant say for sure...this will most likely hit you in a few days or so just like your last epiphany. Best thing is to start at the beginning, sort out your past...

What i mean is review your life, as if you were watching a movie...with the intent on taking every positive thing and drawing energy from it, and taking every negative thing and figuring out what the solution would be, what you learned from it, then letting it go.

Once you do this, youll be left knowing who you are...and youll know what you want to change, and better yet what you want to stay the same. This concept will now define who you are as a person. Not the things around you, not the people in your life nor the clothes on your back...instead where you stand morally, philosophically....that will define who you really are.

After that the rest is easy. Its constructively and as unbiased as one can be, looking back on your life, thats the hard part....but its important to do.

A good personal example...

Some people know, others may not...short story i was kicked out of my parents house when i was 17, lived on my own til i was about 21, then got kicked out again a year later. Ive spent countless hours...days even, looking back and wishing that it hadnt happened, hating my father for it, wondering where id be and how much life would be. Upon looking back though i realize id be a completely different person had it not happend...and i learned from the introspect and let it go...all the anger and the doubt...

Id be completely immature, i wouldnt have grown as an individual like i have, i wouldnt have met some of my closest friends, went to my pyschologist, etc. Most importantly, i realized that i did the adult thing, even as a immature young 17 year old....i made a choice, and stuck with it despite the consequences to stand by what i said and beleived.

From this introspect i decided that would never change, id always say what i had to say and let the peices fall where they may. I say in my head, "I dont let my father speak to me that way, why would i let this person?", and then i set them straight. Or i say whats on my mind, no apologies, because if i can do that with soo much to lose, why cant i always do it?

Adding onto the great advice Ka just gave you, do what I've told others to do and make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. This will also help you to see what you really need to work on now and what can wait. Will also help to see who you really are and want to be.