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 Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...

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~Meg~
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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeSun Oct 26, 2008 10:04 pm

And let's say you get a bit tipsy. Not smashed, but just happily, functionally intoxicated... You meet a handsome young devil (modest too, apparently Twisted Evil ). You talk for a while, and exchange digits. Maybe you even initiate a k-close. You like him. He knows you like him because you tell him so.

He calls you or texts a few days later and you ignore it. WTF did you do that for?!

Is that a permanent light-switch rejection? If he were to call a second time a few days later would that just seem desperate?

I want to hold onto my dignity here, but at the same time I don't want to move on too quickly and throw away any chance I might have had. Please help me to understand this odd behavior.


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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Oct 27, 2008 7:55 am

I know im not a chick, but ill contribute anyway. My guess is they have regret, buyers remorse, or all they wanted was a kiss/sex w/e that 1 time.

Call once, text once, then drop it...if they dont return your call then they will only be returning/answering your next call(s) so that you stop calling.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 28, 2008 8:51 am

As a girl who has done this, i can tell you what is in my head about it. When i go to a bar and get a little tipsy and then meet a guy that peaks my inerest and shows inerest in me, i will have a conversation, dance with him and if he want my number i will give it to him. At that time i think i would like to see the guy again but when the call comes the next day or a few days later, i don't answer because of the fact that i met him in a bar. I do not want a guy who is looking for a lay and that is what a lot of people go to a bar for. I have never had a relationship with a guy i met at a a bar. To me, i would think he only wants sex from me and i wonder how many other women he has taken home from the bar. When the calls came, i ignored them and knew the guy would move on when he heard nothing from me.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 28, 2008 4:38 pm

a1wayzsmilin4u wrote:
As a girl who has done this, i can tell you what is in my head about it. When i go to a bar and get a little tipsy and then meet a guy that peaks my inerest and shows inerest in me, i will have a conversation, dance with him and if he want my number i will give it to him. At that time i think i would like to see the guy again but when the call comes the next day or a few days later, i don't answer because of the fact that i met him in a bar. I do not want a guy who is looking for a lay and that is what a lot of people go to a bar for. I have never had a relationship with a guy i met at a a bar. To me, i would think he only wants sex from me and i wonder how many other women he has taken home from the bar. When the calls came, i ignored them and knew the guy would move on when he heard nothing from me.

This is why building solid comfort in addition to just attraction is so important! Without the comfort there she's not going to call you back. What are you two going to talk about if you haven't begun to get a good rapport going. Anywhere you meet is going to be awkward for her and she knows this. Why should she put herself in that situation for some guy? The answer is she isn't going to. BUILD MORE COMFORT and you'll avoid this situation.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 28, 2008 4:43 pm

JSmooth wrote:
a1wayzsmilin4u wrote:
As a girl who has done this, i can tell you what is in my head about it. When i go to a bar and get a little tipsy and then meet a guy that peaks my inerest and shows inerest in me, i will have a conversation, dance with him and if he want my number i will give it to him. At that time i think i would like to see the guy again but when the call comes the next day or a few days later, i don't answer because of the fact that i met him in a bar. I do not want a guy who is looking for a lay and that is what a lot of people go to a bar for. I have never had a relationship with a guy i met at a a bar. To me, i would think he only wants sex from me and i wonder how many other women he has taken home from the bar. When the calls came, i ignored them and knew the guy would move on when he heard nothing from me.

This is why building solid comfort in addition to just attraction is so important! Without the comfort there she's not going to call you back. What are you two going to talk about if you haven't begun to get a good rapport going. Anywhere you meet is going to be awkward for her and she knows this. Why should she put herself in that situation for some guy? The answer is she isn't going to. BUILD MORE COMFORT and you'll avoid this situation.

Yeah, im actually curious because girl your not making any sense and then you just making an accurate assumption about the typical guy in a bar. Just like J said what the hell are you guys talking about and what kind of emotions is her generating from him. Then you said you will think about seeing him again only to ignore his calls or txt... for the most part. Seems like something I used to go thru when I first started PUA
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 28, 2008 6:13 pm

a1wayzsmilin4u wrote:
As a girl who has done this, i can tell you what is in my head about it. When i go to a bar and get a little tipsy and then meet a guy that peaks my inerest and shows inerest in me, i will have a conversation, dance with him and if he want my number i will give it to him. At that time i think i would like to see the guy again but when the call comes the next day or a few days later, i don't answer because of the fact that i met him in a bar. I do not want a guy who is looking for a lay and that is what a lot of people go to a bar for. I have never had a relationship with a guy i met at a a bar. To me, i would think he only wants sex from me and i wonder how many other women he has taken home from the bar. When the calls came, i ignored them and knew the guy would move on when he heard nothing from me.
Thanks for the perspective, and I really appreciate JSmooth and Juice's input too. It makes sense that a girl would start out with a perspective like yours. It's kinda like anti-slut defense. J's and Juice's inputs suggest this can be defeated by showing the girl, by building comfort, that the PUA is not the guy she typically meets.

Once I met a girl in a bar and, God only knows how, I got her phone number. This is well before I ever learned to look at these things objectively. I was pretty intoxicated and don't remember all of the conversation, but do remember talking to her about a lot of these things-- wanting to get to know her, being genuinely interested in her work, etc. And it was all real so I had such an easy time talking with her. Anyway, whatever went right there gave her the comfort to return my call a few days later and we dated for about a month until I moved away...

Anyway, thanks everyone for the input. I am going to call one for the first time today. I'll post details if I have anything to report.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeWed Oct 29, 2008 12:33 am

Karma wrote:
Thanks for the perspective, and I really appreciate JSmooth and Juice's input too. It makes sense that a girl would start out with a perspective like yours. It's kinda like anti-slut defense. J's and Juice's inputs suggest this can be defeated by showing the girl, by building comfort, that the PUA is not the guy she typically meets.

Once I met a girl in a bar and, God only knows how, I got her phone number. This is well before I ever learned to look at these things objectively. I was pretty intoxicated and don't remember all of the conversation, but do remember talking to her about a lot of these things-- wanting to get to know her, being genuinely interested in her work, etc. And it was all real so I had such an easy time talking with her. Anyway, whatever went right there gave her the comfort to return my call a few days later and we dated for about a month until I moved away...

Anyway, thanks everyone for the input. I am going to call one for the first time today. I'll post details if I have anything to report.

Drinking...hmmm...I won't sit and lecture you about drinking in field because I drink in field but you need to keep it under control. This is by far a mental game, and without your mind up and running at a good percentage it will be harder for you. Plus the girl is going to take that into account for talking to you.

Look forward to seeing your next report.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeWed Oct 29, 2008 7:10 am

Numerous Reasons:
A) Very drunk: If she is telling you how much she likes a stranger at a bar then I am guessing she is drunker than you think. That in itself might lead to regret/buyers remorse.
B) Friends: Girls care a lot about what their friends think. If they disapprove then that could lead to her not being into you.
C) You did not bring enough to the table: If she is a busy person then you have to be worth her taking the time out of her day.
D) She has a boyfriend: self explanatory
E) No Strings attached Fun: She went , she had fun, but thats all she wanted.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeWed Oct 29, 2008 8:10 am

Hmmmm. This reminds me of a couple of drunken stories. I remember one
time I walk up to this girl in a bar and I say "Wanna dance?". She says
"Okay." . So we start dancing very close and then we start grinding on
each other for about 5 minutes. After about 5 minutes of grinding I
start kissing on her neck and we're making out heavily on the
dancefloor. Like we're not even dancing at one point but just standing
in the middle of the dance floor. We're making out for probably 10
minutes in the middle of the dance floor. Finally her friends try to
pull her away and as they're pulling her away I grab her by her hand
and tell her to put her number in my phone.



I call her back the next day and I'm like "Hey, what's up? It's me from
last night." Then in a dopey voice she says "I was drunk." I couldn't
help but bust out laughing! That reply was classic! With a little bit
of laughter still in my voice I said "Yeah! That's usually how the
story goes!" I was having fun with the awkwardness of it all and she
was boring on the phone. So I knew although she wanted it in the
moment, she was having a self-image crisis about what she'd done (make
out with a total sleaze-ball like myself........although a good-looking
sleaze-ball, a sleaze-ball nonetheless). She probably got hell from her
friends over it. So I just laughed it off and thought the whole thing
was pretty funny.



Then there was another time. I'm having a mix of normal conversation
and teasing with this blonde girl in a club. As we finish our
conversation and she's walking off, out of no-where I smack her ass.
She gets this look of shock on her face as she walks off. I run into
her about 15 min later sitting on a couch on the top floor. I start
talking with her again. Stroke her hair. We start making out. We're
making out for probably 15 minutes and while we're making out she says
"You know how to find girls that miss their boyfriends." So I say "I
just know a sexual woman when I see one.". We keep making out. I ask
for her number. She says she can't give me her number. So I say "okay"
and I'm thinking to myself "Maybe this will change her mind.".



So we make out for another 10 minutes. I'm tongueing down her cleavage.
Heavy petting ensues. She's sucking on my finger. Let's just say the
bathrooms were nasty and I wasn't about to go in the bathroom. I also
needed to find my friends so I said "I'm giving you one more chance to
give me your number." I look her straight in the eye as I say this. She
puts her number in my phone. "I've got to find my friends. I'll see you
later." I call her back a day or two later and leave a message. Of
course, I only called her one time. So it could have been guilt once
she thought back or it could have been that I might have forgotten to
leave a number for her to reach me. Who knows? Anyway, even when you
get all kinds of green lights, weird things can happen



I don't normally kiss and tell. This is just to illustrate that you can
even do everything short of having sex with a woman and she's really
enjoying it, and still have weird things like this happen. Just realize
that it has nothing to do with you and usually has to do with her
social programming, the self-image she has that's based on her social
programming, potential risk of being looked down on by her friends
(which is a result of THEIR social programming), or her views of
boyfrien/girlfriend relationships (which, by the way, is also usually
based on social programming). She goes into the aroused state in the
moment with you, then later on, when thinking about it, goes into a
meta-state (evaluating her behavior after the fact).....the meta-state
is when she starts going over all of the rules that society has
installed in her, and then creates the feelings of guilt or shame or
whatever.



This is why women usually do things they normally wouldn't when they
vacation to a foreign country. They don't have to worry about being
judged by anybody.So they don't meta-state into thinking about the
potential pain of being labeled as a slut.........IF we'd had sex, she
would have gone into a different meta-state where she rationalizes
having sex. "It was meant to be." or "It just happened." Or "I had sex
with him because he's sexy and so nice.". She could have still felt
guilty about it, but usually a lot of women do have rationalizations
for why they do something. Humans generally rationalize their actions.
Anything you do, you'll rationalize. That's how the human animal works.
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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeWed Oct 29, 2008 10:50 pm

~Meg~ wrote:
Numerous Reasons:
A) Very drunk: If she is telling you how much she likes a stranger at a bar then I am guessing she is drunker than you think. That in itself might lead to regret/buyers remorse.
B) Friends: Girls care a lot about what their friends think. If they disapprove then that could lead to her not being into you.
C) You did not bring enough to the table: If she is a busy person then you have to be worth her taking the time out of her day.
D) She has a boyfriend: self explanatory
E) No Strings attached Fun: She went , she had fun, but thats all she wanted.

I was about to respond with "simple, buyer's remorse" . . . then I saw your post Meg, lol.

Maximus you make very good points there. This is why a lot of guys don't trust girls at all.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeThu Oct 30, 2008 12:54 pm

Thanks everybody for the responses. I had texted her a couple of days after we met, partially at Vedere's suggest, and partially because I liked the girl and wanted to. No response. A couple more days later I called and left a message. Nice, upbeat, left number even though I watched her save it into her phone. No response.

Lessons for next time I suppose Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeThu Oct 30, 2008 11:02 pm

As long as they become lessons, you've come out of it alright.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeSun Nov 02, 2008 7:51 am

L.A. Tripp wrote:
As long as they become lessons, you've come out of it alright.
I'm looking at it this way. Sure, building more comfort while out could have increased my chances of getting that return call. That's something I can easily focus on. Maybe her reasons for not calling me back were buyer's remorse, boyfriend, or her just looking for a good conversation one night. Maybe a combination of all of these. The fact is I had a great time talking with her in the bar. I left feeling ecstatic. I can't end every encounter by driving the girl home in the morning, and quite frankly if I could it would be pretty boring. So, I had a good time with a girl, learned a thing or two to keep in mind the next time, and built a little more confidence. Win win win. All good Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeSun Nov 02, 2008 10:47 pm

Win win win, that's right!
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 3:58 am

That's why you always fuck multiple chicks. Many women are very fickle
in their nature yet expect guys to put up with it.....and most guys
will. When you realize they're expendable and if she screws up her
chances with you there's a hotter, smarter, more fun chick waiting for
a guy like you to come along that makes her feel good and can please
her in many ways, then dumping the girls that are either too much work
or a waste of time will be your default mode of operation.

No offense to the women here. But if you happen to be a woman reading
this.....and there's a guy you really like and you're making things
difficult for him, in spite of the fact that you're wanting him, then
don't go crying to your little girlfriends when he's out fucking some
other chick. You had your chance and blew it. You've priced yourself
out of the market and are making dating more of a chore for the guy
than what it's supposed to be, fun and games. And some other woman will
be getting all of the good feelings YOU could have had. Notice, I
said this only applies to a woman behaving in this manner. Not ALL
women.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 4:00 am

Sometimes a little tough love is all they need :p
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 4:52 am

Maximus, I've been critical of your wording in the past, but this time I think you've stated your point well.

It is a rough point to consider, but valid.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 6:23 am

You are pretty expendable yourself.
Assholes are dime a dozen.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 9:22 am

Meg, you're a firecracker. Remind me not to piss you off.

Maximus, I haven't always agreed with everything you've written but I think you're right on here. I'll expand, and to Meg's point as well, suggest that we're all expendable. There are so many attractive, interesting guys and girls out there that none of us needs to waste our time chasing after, or pining over anyone.

On Friday I ran into another friend of the girl I pissed off so badly she threw a drink in my face. More and more I wish I had handled that situation differently, but it's the past. Anyway I had never met this girl but apparently she was clued into who I was. "That's the asshole," or something. She approached me and asked if I was a law student. I answered that I was. She informed me I was an asshole. Okay... she obviously felt some need to reach out and touch such a Tony Montana figure of manners, and even though she was cute it would have obviously been a waste of time for me to plead my case to her. I told her to have a good night and moved on. Point is, she could obviously have found someone more suited to her (e.g., someone her evil friend approved of) and I could find plenty of people more suited to me (sans-evil). It really just doesn't matter because there are so many people that failure or games with one is no indicator of another's behavior-- male or female.
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 10:38 am

Yeah. I expected one or more of the women on this board to react
negatively to my comment. Usually when you tell it like it is, if it
doesn't match a person's beliefs about the world, there's a knee-jerk
reaction. It's pretty predictable. It's a human thing, not strictly a
male or female thing.



So instead what happens is an emotional reaction, usually a painful
one, and once you know what buttons do what, you can either push them
again if you want to get the same response, or do something different
and see what responses you get. So I've mastered how to piss Meg
off.....IF that's my desired outcome.



Most people walk around asleep. And if you don't believe me, try this exercise.



Day 1: In your day to day routine, use your internal dialogue to
comment only on what you're sensing mostly (you can plan
internally..think about the future......for a SET time. Then you forget
it). So you look at the car in front of you. "That car is Grey." The
license plate "Morrison Nissan of ____". "There are 3 people in the
car.". "Hmmm...it's a little cold.". The key is to use your internal
dialogue to mainly direct your focus to your external world instead of
thinking in circles about everything and walking around daydreaming all
day......asleep.....You can just keep your focus on a lot of your
external environment.......also,,listen for sounds and really feel
things. Their texture.



Day 2 : Do everything from day one plus pay attention to your
peripheral vision. You have a central focus on what you're doing.
Driving, etc...so your center of vision is on the road.......or if
you're at work..on what's in front of you. Look from one thing to the
next...and while shifting your focus.....remember what it was you were
looking at before so that when you see that little blur in your
peripheral, you know what it is.



Day 3: This will take the most attention. Do everything the same as
before...pay attention to the peripheral vision. Use your internal
dialogue to direct your focus to the external senses.......and this
will be a little tricky. You see in 180 degrees with your sense of
sight. You will focus on the 180 degrees of visual input and then
create an imaginary ADDITIONAL 180 degrees of vision, imagining as if
you have eyes on the back and top of your head....as if you can see 360
degrees. It can feel a bit weird to do. And don't get into a wreck
doing this.



PRIORITIES....if you can't do this driving, don't try it driving...or
just try it a little. It's like, you see the road ahead physically,
then you imagine the road is almost like a ribbon passing through the
back of your head.....It's larger in the front of your physical vision,
and you imagine the road larger closer to you and moving off smaller
into the horizon in your imaginary rear-view....the imaginary eyes in
the back of your head. When you pass signs....you imagine seeing the
backs of the signs you pass. You pass a motorcycle...see it in your
periphery, and then imagine seeing the front of it and it getting
smaller as you keep moving forward in your imaginary vision. This takes
a lot of focus to do. But try these exercise for 3 days and then notice
the difference.
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L.A. Tripp
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L.A. Tripp


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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 10:49 am

Exactly. It does go both ways. Neither sex should HAVE to put up with the shit from the other sex. Definitely not long term anyway. Not if you've got high self-esteem, unless you REALLY are deeply in love with the other person and feel that they can indeed change and become better.

But, to the point here. Yes Meg, you are correct also. Very much so. The point Max stated is very, very blunt, but very, very true as well. And the point Meg stated in her lovely short and straight to the point way is also dead on. I love it when someone knows how to get a point across in as few words as possible, lol.

As much as we hate to admit it, what Max, Meg, and Karma stated is more true than what most of us want to see.

Although there are exceptions to almost everything, there are more people in this case looking for the exceptions and it's a waste of time.

And this exercise Max describes helps you to be more aware of your environment, your surroundings, which is not only good for PUAs but good for everyday life. It's something I'm normally pretty natural with and I've noticed most people aren't natural with it.
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Juice
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Juice


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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 03, 2008 8:21 pm

Yea, when im alert and aware I noticed everything but when I have tunnel vision I dont see crap, that vision comes from playing football!

This is how you notice females looking at you and hair flicking
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Mizcook29
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeSun Apr 19, 2009 11:58 pm

Coming from a woman I have seen alot of my girlfriends do things like this. Myself I normaly answer even if it is to say I am sorry but just not that interested. I do atleast answer them though. When woman get the no call back we get really mad, sad, and well feeling really blue and down about ourselves when the man doesn't take our calls. The problem here is that not many woman think that men just maybe might feel the same way when a woman does the same thing to them. So fella's if she doesn't return your call or text she isn't worth it and don't get down there are plenty out there that will take your call or text and return them. Might even get the answer you want.
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randy1random
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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 23, 2009 5:45 am

delete


Last edited by randy1random on Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:59 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : accedently double posted)
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randy1random
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randy1random


Male Number of posts : 414
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Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitimeThu Apr 23, 2009 5:55 am

I'll add another reason for the no-call back nervousness. Most guys don't realise that girls feel this in regards to men as well. If she's low-selfesteam she might think she isn't interesting enough when she's not drunk.

Something else to note, a few guys here have noted that they were making out hevily for 10 - 15 minuits on and off all night. This is what 90% of guys would do in this situation but it can make it look like you're just after sex. Take a fucking step back. Built more comfort, talk, bond more. 2 steps forward one step back. Don't cling to her like toilet paper to a shoe.

I get bored myself after 5 minuites kissing unless the girl is actually a good kisser.

Of course if you're after a SNL by all means keep going, esculate, escultate, esculate have the logisics figured,keep the passion and hold her interest.

Ok recently this confused the shit out of me. I was at a club chatted to a HB10 got on very very well hit all the attraction switches and made out. Chatted some more made out some more etc. Got her number, texted her and she didn't text back. The fucking crazy thing was I was drunk and she was stone sober. wtf?
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PostSubject: Re: Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and...   Dear ladies: So you're out at a bar and... I_icon_minitime

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