It's not a big deal!

It's not a big deal!

I was on a date last night with the girl I have been seeing a lot of lately. She made a few comments during a great dinner about some different things that she likes about me which is always good to hear, but I also do my best to remember these things for feedback. I'd encourage you all to get feedback from the moment you met when you are in a comfort phase with them. I've asked girls why they responded to my Online Ads, or what attracted them to me first, etc.

In this case she was talking about how I didn't make anything out to be a big deal. She said, "You tell me I'm cute, but you aren't saying stuff like Oh My God, you're so awesome!" I confessed to her that about a year ago I would be intimidated to approach her in a venue, and probably would not have. She went on to tell me that one of the appealing qualities about me that her and her room mate discussed was that I know I'm a good looking guy but don't brag about it. She noticed that I was very confident and comfortable with who I am, but I go around acting like, "I'm so hot look at me."

This comes from being comfortable around women and a good mental frame. For those who've been around the community for a while know this, but it never hurts to refresh things in your mind. The last thing she said she noticed was how I slow down my speech to emphasize a point. I again confessed to her that I use to talk very quickly all the time. So when I want to emphasize a point I will speak slower, with pauses, and more inflection. She was happy she noticed something, and I'm surprised she paid that much attention to it. She was telling me that it's actually a very powerful effect and when I do it she is just so captivated.

1. Don't go out trying to look or act cool.
2. Be your own guy
3. Never Brag
4. Speak Slowly, with Pauses, and Inflection
5. Nothing is Ever a Big Deal!

Nice man.
Very cool a woman who tells you stuff like that

For the number 5, I think this one is huge, for all area's of life.
"Nothing is a big deal, I'm still alive."
Or the "ghost" as mystery taught us in his new book.

Great post

I self consciously think that when I "pea-cock" (with fedora, especially) that I get looks and attract attention at bars, clubs, etc... because of your reason No. 1.

Is this an inner game problem?

JSmooth wrote:

In this case she was talking about how I didn't make anything out to be a big deal. She said, "You tell me I'm cute, but you aren't saying stuff like Oh My God, you're so awesome!"

I like when a guy is able to give a compliment without it being a big deal. Sometimes it seems like it is either all out or nothing at all.

Thanks for the posts everyone!

To answer your question LaRockStar I'm about to do a huge post on peacocking. You'll find your answer in that.

Its funny, last night for kicks i watched 'Weird Science' (the tv show). Wyatt was getting bad AA and couldnt aproach a girl, then he realized what Einstein said is true. We are such a small part of everything, that everythign we do is insignificant...so what if she rejects him or he looks silly. Nothing he does (or she does) matters i nthe grnad scheme of things.

Was a wierd way of looking at it because we kinda learn along the way in PUA to be self centered, but if you realize that nothing is a big deal, even yourself...then everything goes smooth.

Meg, i think most guys have a huge issue with giving compliments. Im just starting to leanr and realize that its not a big deal to express my apreciation of a girls attributes or character, as long as i dont bmake it a big to do. This i htink is due to combination of things...fear of rejection, not wanting to come accross needy or giving too much, putting too much weight into how or what we say.

(btw i apologize for my written torrets...i was too lazy to correct it)

Smooth, that is a good way to do things my man. Asking questions about what worked with this girl is a good honest thing. This helps you convey to others what you were looking for, what she was looking for, and how it meshed. The 5points are on cue, especially talking with words, tone, and emphasis to sustain captivation. Peace,lvoe and succe SS

Meg, that's an inner game issue 90% of guys have and something that needs to be worked on, because what you said is true.

LaRockStar, it could be an inner game issue, or it might not be.

For instance, I wear a beanie almost everywhere. However, it's not because I'm not "me" without the beanie, it's just my style, my look. I like the style, it fits me. It is me, but it's not "me" at the core. Mentally I'm still me with or without the beanie.