Sexual Framing

Alright boys. Your sexual frame. A VERY important aspect of your convos with girls. Let me say this right up front. YOU CAN'T BE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT SEX. You just can NOT be afraid of that subject. If you are, she WILL notice.

Now, that doesn't mean every word has to be sexual. It just means you need to be comfortable about the subject of sex. So comfortable that you can talk about it w/o flinching, w/o it bothering you. So comfortable that you can talk about it WHILE LOOKING HER IN THE EYE.

If she makes a sexual remark, turn it around on her. Don't be afraid and run from it. Guys, normally when a girl makes a sexual remark, they did it PURPOSELY. Most of the time. There are those occasional ditzes out there, but that's not even important enough to discuss right now.

So, since she brought it up, run with it. Don't run FROM it.

If she doesn't make any sexual remark, that doesn't keep YOU from being "allowed" to make them. The key is you have to let her know you are comfortable with your own sexuality. You're comfortable being a sexual person around her.

Think of it this way. You are the alpha male. You OWN your space. You are inviting her into your space, your world. So why wouldn't that world INCLUDE sexuality? After all, you ARE a sexual person. That's just fact. And you shouldn't apologize for that or be afraid of that fact. Be COMFORTABLE with that part of yourself. She will pick up that vibe.

Not only will she then see and feel that you are a sexual person, because you've created that frame for yourself, but it will ALSO help you in building both attraction and comfort. Because you are comfortable with yourself, she'll be more comfortable with you. And, because you're comfortable with your sexuality, she'll be more comfortable allowing her sexuality to grow and show toward you.

So, here's the frame. You have sexual thoughts. Cool. Let them flow. You catch a point in the convo that a sexual remark can be made. Cool. Let it come out of your mouth. Maybe give her a slight smile with it. Let her know that you're fine with talking sexually and thinking sexually. Then, move on, keep the convo going. Because . . . the sexual remark was NO BIG DEAL to you.

It's . . . just . . . another . . . part . . . of . . . you that she needs to get to know.

Ka wrote:

As a side note, LA, would it be possible of maybe giving contrasting examples of a sexual short convo, like a well done one and then one that may come accross as inapropriate?

I think the probelm for myself and other guys is that we dont wana cross any lines. Is it ok to include her in your sexual discussion, as a partner for yourself? How detailed do you get? Are there things that are almost always a NO to say?

Or am i being too sensitive and should i just talk about any sexual topic that comes to mind (obviously after getting pst the beginning stages of the social interaction).

Thanks for the post . . .

The more comfortable and attracted she is to you and with you, the less lines there are that are forbidden to cross. Obviously you want to start slower, testing the waters. You know, you don't want to walk up to a girl and say "hey, I want to stick my member inside you, NOW." Sure, that will work for 1% of the girls out there, but you don't want to mess with those anyway, lol. Unless of course she's giving you the IOI's for this before you even open your mouth . . . lol

Yes, it's ok to include her in your seuxal convo as a partner with you. And, while you do it, watch her eyes and her body language. She'll let you know if you've gone too far at that moment or not.

Details. For me, I DO get detailed once I know that the girl is fine with me including her as my partner. In fact, I get so detailed, they start getting hot just with my words. They start maintaining eye contact, getting the look in their eyes of deep listening, hanging on every word. When you have them to the point where no one can distract them, it's over.

For the NO topics, that, to me, would include things that are just strange and weird, like animals and rape and stuff like that.

I think, overall, you are being too sensitive. You're too scared to her know just how sexual you are. SHE'S not afraid of sexuality, so why are YOU? Let go of the barrier. She will LOVE you for it.

(Ka, hope you don't get upset about me taking the quote from your post from over there, lol)

Ok, Ka, here's your REAL WORLD example, courtesy of Zip and yours truly. Unfortunately, we just couldn't get into the frame of mind to give you a BAD example, so you'll have to just roll with the good example.

Zip L.R. is online.
NotThe1-4U: grrr? yeah, you'll be doing more of that in a bit . ..


Zip: lol


NotThe1-4U: Wink
I'll bring out that inner animal in you.


Zip: okay we need to figure out a good short example and a bad short example..right?
oh are we doing it now haha


NotThe1-4U: that would make sense
lmao
that works for me Wink
roll with it babe, while the getting is good
you won't have your chance with me just whenever you want it, so you better take it while you can!


Zip: rolling is one of my favorite past-times


NotThe1-4U: if we're rolling like two tigers, I'd agree with you . . .


Zip: that's not even innuendo
haha
that's blatant


NotThe1-4U: lmao
so? and your point is?
oh, I have the point . . .


Zip: I hope so


NotThe1-4U: and it's looking for a home . . .


Zip: well, you certainly are a cunning linguist
but I'm a master debator
debater damnit lol


NotThe1-4U: cunning? hmmm, reminds me of a favorite pasttime . . .
lmao @ debator


Zip: really, I like a man with hobbies


NotThe1-4U: what is that (debator)anyway? lol


Zip: no idea I'm just fucking around(on the word debator)


NotThe1-4U: you couldn't handle my hobbies.
the neighbors would complain . . .
when they heard your voice over their tv and surround sound


Zip: lol


NotThe1-4U: no, you're not fucking around just yet . . . that comes later
if you're good


Zip: if I'm good
you mean if I'm bad


NotThe1-4U: no, if you're good, then you get to be bad.
you have to earn time with me. I don't just let out the inner animal in any old girl.
You have to show me you've got some quality. Then you'll get what you want. And not a second sooner Wink


Zip: oh, I've got qualities...but like you said, this old girl isn't going to just let anyone who claims they have an inner tiger get to see them


NotThe1-4U: nice. but you have to prove that to me. talk is cheap, and I ain't cheap.


Zip: Well, I ain't easy
well, after two cocktails..


NotThe1-4U: lol, that's good to know. I'd hate to have to turn you away within the first 5 minutes cause you can't keep your hands off of me.(this is directed at the "I ain't easy" comment)


Zip: jk


NotThe1-4U: oooohhhh ic(this is directed at "after 2 cocktails")


Zip: you're full of yourself


NotThe1-4U: hmmmm, I don't think we would work out then.
I hate fucking girls that are drunk. it's so . . . lame(again, after 2 cocktails)


Zip: and who said I wanted to sleep with you


NotThe1-4U: I want you to have the FULL experience that is me.(again, after 2 cocktails)


Zip: well, I'm experiencing how full of yourself you really are Wink


NotThe1-4U: you will be begging before the night is over, but I don't give in like that.


Zip: I like that(this was directed at "she's experiencing how full of myself I really am)
the only begging that would happen in this hypothetical situation is your begging for mercy


NotThe1-4U: I'd be happy to introduce you to several girls I've blatantly turned down in the clubs that past couple of weeks Wink


Zip: and that's just from my sharp-as-a-tack wit(this was her sarcastic comment about her own statement on having me begging for mercy.)
hahahahaha
sorry
i just had to laugh at myself for a second


NotThe1-4U: oooooooo. me begging for mecry? lmao. no honey, that's your voice begging for more.
do you do that a lot? laugh at yourself babe?
that's sad. that's the best you can do?


Zip: I split my time between laughing at myself and laughing at you


NotThe1-4U: lmao. yeah, I usually do keep the ladies laughing. that's why they can't get enough of me, then they can't get enough after I decide to "treat" them to something special . . .


Zip: I'm pretty sure more girls get tricks than treats as far as you're concerned


NotThe1-4U: lmao, yeah, they do, cause they haven't earned the treats!


Zip: aha, a man with "standards"


NotThe1-4U: and you're not looking too promising either.
my God! of course I have standards! lol
and I don't see someone meeting them too well . . .


Zip: then why are you still talking to me
you can leave at any time


NotThe1-4U: I swear, you women think I wil just lay anything that has two legs! humph!
ok, bye, chick.


Zip: chick? who uses that anymore


NotThe1-4U: OMG . . . YOU HAVE ME FUCKING ROLLING OVER HERE.


Zip: hahahaahha


NotThe1-4U: ummm, btw, I do, chick Wink


Zip: alright, dude lol


NotThe1-4U: frame change here sweety . . .


Zip: k


NotThe1-4U: lol, yep, I'm a dude. always will be Wink


Zip: really, like circa 1992 California. promising...


NotThe1-4U: "hey babe, wanna go behind that bar over there and @*#$?" (the schmuck says with a pimpled grin from ear to ear)


Zip: I will mace you if you don't step back at least 10 feet.


NotThe1-4U: shocked . . . no no! but, I just want to talk, says erkel.


Zip: talk to my boyfriend's fist.


NotThe1-4U: ugghhhh


Zip: hahahah


NotThe1-4U: mouth dropping . . . he tucks tail and leaves
omg I can't keep this one going lol


Zip: i cant either


NotThe1-4U: I"m laughing too fucking hard
*&@#, I wish there was a way to record a phone convo and put the transcript online lol
is that good or bad that I can't give you a bad example to start with? lol
a little long winded there? lol
the typical female . . . you can't shut up long enough to hit "enter" lol


Zip: *&@#, sorry, my internet just pussed out on me


NotThe1-4U: hmmm, you made a point there at the beginning too. that wasn't inuendo, that was blatant. of course, that's just me though. . ..
LMAO "pussed"?
lmao . . . where exactly is your mind at?


Zip: yeah, sorry, I'm vulgar.
I grew up with guy best friends, it happens


NotThe1-4U: lol, I don't "fucking" care if your vulgar damnit Wink


Zip: haha
well you got some stuff from all that
right?


NotThe1-4U: I just love that your thinking of pussy;) pussy is good stuff!


Zip: the rest you can just make up or embellish or whatever


NotThe1-4U: lol


Zip: hahaha it's just a figure of speech to me
no mental vaginas floating in my head


NotThe1-4U: lol, you're pussy is a figure of speech? hmmmm, doesn't say much for you . . .


Zip: not mine
mine has a mind of her own


NotThe1-4U: oh really?
so you need someone who knows how to control that "mind"


Zip: someone like your "inner tiger"?
lol


NotThe1-4U: you know it


Zip: okay now I can't stop


NotThe1-4U: I know you're thinking that anyway. it's not like it's a revelation lol
I know you can't. that's normal with me Wink


Zip: oh don't flatter yourself Wink


NotThe1-4U: lmao, I don't have to. you took care of that for me.


Zip: i think you just took care of that for you


NotThe1-4U: lmao. I'll let you save face on that babe. think of it how you must.


Zip: cough*cop-out*cough


NotThe1-4U: I know where your mind is at, whether you want to admit it or not Wink


Zip: hahaha


NotThe1-4U: haha


Zip: alright i have to go to dinner


NotThe1-4U: rofl


Zip: do you have what you need, or at least enough to work with?


NotThe1-4U: lmao, do you seriously want me to answer that question?


Zip: damnit.
haha


NotThe1-4U: lmao
speechless eh? hehe
I have that effect, but it's usually after we've fucked. you're too easy. usually it's when the girl is laying there breathless.


Zip: awww alright alright k i've got to go to dinner with boyfriend number 2, he's gonna start crying


NotThe1-4U: awwwww
poor little thing


Zip: and that's not a cop out, that's a I'm not getting desert if I don't go


NotThe1-4U: lmao @ desert


Zip: and i'm not talking about "desert"


NotThe1-4U: like it would "satisfy" you anyway Wink
duh lol


Zip: christ hahahah
alright, i can't wait to see what you piece together from that


NotThe1-4U: I"m not the average stupid guy, in case you haven't noticed lol


Zip: i'll look for it


NotThe1-4U: lmao
what I piece together? hmmmm . . . Wink


Zip: i'll piece your mom together
that's my last resort


NotThe1-4U: lmao!!!!!!!!
you lesbo!


Zip: not because I can't play anymore, but because I've got to go...


NotThe1-4U: go get your whiny b/f! lol
later babe Wink


Zip: haha
you just called me a lesbo. love it.
later