Hello!

Hi there. I get googled a lot, so I'd like to keep my name to myself. I'm not famous or anything, I just meet a lot of people, and in my line of work researching your co-workers is standard.

I'm fairly sure I'm not the first person here with the standard nerd backstory. Was never accepted by the other kids in gradeschool, became withdrawn from my peers through middle and high school. Crippling fear of the ladies as a young adult, et cetera...

I was a young, lean, good-looking loser. In retrospect, I was being handed 'softball opens' left and right: But I was too socially retarded to see what I had going for me. Then later I'd hear about how "that girl was so hitting on you, dude!".

Thanks for the 'after-the-fact' heads up, 'Goose'. Not his fault... I hadn't trained my wingman.

Four years back it occured to me - I needed to approach social interaction the same way I approached everything else: it's just another subject to be studied and mastered. As a prototypical nerd, learning is what I do best. I started reading everything I could on the subject.

I never really got over Approach Anxiety. Turns out, I didn't need to. I found a way to open an entire bar in 5 minutes: Karaoke.

Now I'll be the first to admit - this is dirty pool. It's downright cheating. And it's probably not going to work for you. Everyone thinks they can sing... I used to pay my bills by singing. I am a former professional singer (only 'former' because corporate InfoSec pays much, much more). Against a backdrop of normal (awful) karaoke singers I stand out like a golden god amidst a sea of shit. I am instantly the most interesting person in the bar.

At first, I would just go back to my seat, and people would come to me, I'd open the group, make introductions with the group and game on. There is no better way to DHV than to have everyone else tell you how awesome you are, while humbly downplaying it (with some cocky humor thrown in). By doing away with one-itis, I found I could keep my options open for as long as I needed to. In fact, keeping the options open just made the ladies to try all the more.

After a while, this taught me the confidence to be more proactive with making approaches outside of my chosen arena. Now even my counter-game is fairly formidible - I've gotten pretty good at getting guys to block themselves.

Now, I'm no pickup master, but I'm better than average and I started from absolute zero. Bear in mind - I'm 300 pounds and in my mid 30s. Once you are in the zone, none of that matters. Women who I'd have once considered to be way out of my league are now off-handedly rejecting guys who are younger and better looking than me - just to keep me talking to them (because I really should get back to my table...)

I don't subscribe to a specific method, and I tend to avoid the terminology. Rather I've taken the bits of several methods that are organic to my personality, and learned to showcase my strengths in an environment that was relevant to them.

For what it's worth, my advice to you if you are just starting out, is to use whatever you've got. Stack the deck, load the dice, and do whatever you can to play to your strengths - but keep it in context. Got a good job? don't be afraid to subtly let that slip (I mean - 'what do you do' is the second question every person you ever meet is going to ask...). World champion yodler? The state fair will be fertile ground for you. Natural comedian? It never hurts to be the funniest guy in the room. In fact everyone should have a collection of go-to jokes. You don't need new material for a fresh target.

Context is so important. Don't be the douche at the party with the guitar, unless it's a band practice. I know you think it's working for you, but it's not. I was that douche for a long time, it never scored me any tang that I didn't already have on lock for some other reason.

Anyway, just thought I'd say hi.

AA

LOL, welcome to the forum, AA. Good to have you here. It does sound like you do have some game you've developed. Cool. Are you just popping in to say "hi", or will we hear more from you?

Thanks, Tripp.

Well like I said, I'm no master, yet. But now I'm just good enough that I'll actually be able to make use of a bit more knowledge.

This looked like a good community to pick up some refinements - not so big that it's full of bad advice and charging admission, but not so small that no one ever posts.

see you around.

AA

Again, good to have you here AA. Yep, at the moment, you've pretty well pegged our size, lol. Of course, I'm avidly working on growing us up

Hola AA... Just thought I'd say Hi and welcome to the forum... I have to agree w/u on one thing... U can study and learn the pick up arts just like anything else Applying it is the hardest part lol... Getting over ur fears enough just to apply/use what u learned... But, u CAN do it... the more u use it and practice the better u get

The only thing I don't get is the guitar thing... U know, u said don't be the douche at the party with the guitar... Maybe it's just me.. but I'm a sucker for a guy who can play guitar... But, I play as well... I think a lot of chicks think it's hot if u can play... Maybe it depends on the context of the situation?? lol

Anyway... Welcome again doll

HOTWHEELS wrote:

Hola AA... Just thought I'd say Hi and welcome to the forum... I have to agree w/u on one thing... U can study and learn the pick up arts just like anything else Applying it is the hardest part lol... Getting over ur fears enough just to apply/use what u learned... But, u CAN do it... the more u use it and practice the better u get

The only thing I don't get is the guitar thing... U know, u said don't be the douche at the party with the guitar... Maybe it's just me.. but I'm a sucker for a guy who can play guitar... But, I play as well... I think a lot of chicks think it's hot if u can play... Maybe it depends on the context of the situation?? lol

Anyway... Welcome again doll

Thanks for the kind welcome.

As a former 'guitar guy at the party' it is absolutely true that it can be beneficial to be artistic, and it doesn't hurt to demonstrate that capacity within reason: one or two songs because it came up organically, more if you get a sing-along going...

But when you add moderate to severe social anxiety to the mix, you end up with a guy sitting in the corner playing covers long after people have stopped listening. Then people are just annoyed. Bottom line, it's always better to leave people wanting more than to overstay your welcome

It's a great ingredient to add to your game, but it is not the game itself.

AA

AA1976 wrote:

it is absolutely true that it can be beneficial to be artistic, and it doesn't hurt to demonstrate that capacity within reason: one or two songs because it came up organically, more if you get a sing-along going...

But when you add moderate to severe social anxiety to the mix, you end up with a guy sitting in the corner playing covers long after people have stopped listening. Then people are just annoyed. Bottom line, it's always better to leave people wanting more than to overstay your welcome

It's a great ingredient to add to your game, but it is not the game itself.

AA

Yeah, I agree... Playing a few songs to show off ur talent and get the girls attention/get them interested and then leave them wanting more is the better way to go

That's the key with any aspect of game though, and something we should all remember, lol. Do just enough to get the girls attention and interest . . . then cut them off so they want more. They want more, they earn it.

Also adds to the mystery of who you are

Karaoke game. Hell yeah. By all means feel free to spill the beans on that!

I am a decent singer, working on getting better. But I do know how to put on a show.

Rock and Roll as theater!

Sorry for the late welcome, I've been away for a while. You seem like you have had a similar past to me and a good outlook. Over coming your AA sounds like the next step you need to take.

Karaoke rocks. I'm still a crap singer but I do it with such passion and energy that the crowd still go wild and it has a crazy effect on women. Keep your eyes open

Just thought I'd stop by for an update.

I've been practicing on more or less a weekly basis, and I've got to tell you - it really gets easier with practice. The only problem I'm having now is that even when I'm not playing the game, I've got 'em coming out of the woodwork at me. It's nearly impossible to have a quiet couple of pints anymore.

The moment I step into my local watering hole, I've got the staff (I'm on a first name basis with every bartender, manager, waitress, cook, bouncer, and regular in the place) coming up to greet me, taking my drink order ahead of the line at the bar, and slipping me a couple of freebies during the course of the night. The social proof is ridiculous. And no amount of not giving a shit about how I look can guarantee me a quiet night drinking in the corner.

I guess it's my own fault: Once I'm approached - even by someone I'm not interested in - it's game time. I'm a naturally funny guy, and a few beers doesn't hurt me in that regard. I've even gotten better at reading people's subconscious facial expressions, in order to understand the thought processes behind their words - and give me an edge in my response. And once I can lock into you target's 'wavelength'... Well, let's just say fat, middle-aged, and unshaven just doesn't matter once you're in the zone.

I live for that first laugh. Once I get that first laugh, any remaining resistance is gone. Once you establish that you are funny, everything you say becomes funny. From there it's an almost immediate escalation to eggs in bed the next morning.

Unless I'm just out for a hefeweizen, and not in the mood - Then it's strictly a 'catch and release' game. Except that it's not even really game anymore. I'm just being myself. The trick was to change myself into someone I'd want to be.

It seems like a lot of people have some kind of ethical compunction against to the concept of 'changing who you are'. But the reality of the matter is that there can be no improvement without change. If you aren't trying to improve today, then odds are you haven't been trying to improve yourself in the time leading up to today. In which case, you're not going to be very interesting to yourself, or others.

Good to hear your positive experiences. And, good to hear you realize the truth about change!