I remember being 12, the short dorky kid with glasses. No more than a child scared of that which was around him. Don't look, don't touch, don't dare risk offense. Intelligence became a crutch, the one thing in myself I was able to value. It was the frame around which I built my world, my rock in the storm. Time passed, and with time all things change.
A sophomore in high school now. The girl behind me, cute. I'm oblivious, and some threads of her liking me start up, but I only feel being like I was picked on. That was my frame. A junior in high school, I make a good female friend in chemistry class. Of course, the concept of a girl being attracted to me was completely outside my frame. Again, the same with two girls in my physics class, now a senior. My frame still leaves attraction on the outside looking it, but I begin to realize I have social value. Nineteen now, at community college, a programming class. A real hottie ends up sitting next to me. By the end of the semester I actually allowed myself to think she's interested, but I never mustered the guts to do anything about it.
I was twenty-one, my friends had gone on to 4 year schools, and I was left behind. I found the wonders of the internet chat room. It was new and exciting then. There were some chat places online I truly belonged. For a while, I had many a girl tell me that she was "interested" once upon a time. A window of opportunity I never even noticed. Then for a brief period, it started to click for me online, and I had a hand full of girls I knew were interested in me. I started to understand that I could be found attractive. The problem wasn't me, or the girls, it was simply an illusion in my head.
Finally, I had returned to school, only to run out of money before graduating. It was some of the best education I ever received. Not stuff you learn from books though. I started hanging out with some frat guys, and ended up getting an open bid from them. They were good guys, so I went along with it, since I figured it would look good on a resume. It was a time of great social growth for me, and my frame opened wider. They took the time to break me of some bad habits, and as a group we took interest in our group. None of them knew exactly what I needed to get past my blocks with women. They did encourage me, and not once was I told a girl was out of my league, or any such nonsense. While not able to push me past my mental blocks, they made me distinctly aware of the fact they were simply road blocks in my head.
Today, there some large blocks I still have in my head. My frame of awareness has opened to let me see what is truly available to me. My inner dialog is positive, my will to initiate approach is lacking. There are moments in my life I can simply look back, and laugh at how ignorate I was. A gentle nudge from her backpack that I write off as innocent, to the smiling eyes I just didn't see. A final acceptance I've made recently has to do with the PUA community. For some, they only want to be womanizers. Something that has always left a bad taste in my mouth. To me the best reason to learn about PUA, and the reason I want to try boarding that ship, is to open your frame wider. And I believe that is why the majority of people in the game are. I'm here to enrich my self, and open that frame.