First "date" tomorrow, looking for pointers, advice...

So, I finally asked her out, this girl I've been into for a little while. She's shown a few IOI here and there, but she's very shy, so they mean a lot more than most people think. I've gotten a playful punch, a lot of random eye contact, made conversation with her in class, that sort of thing. At one point I playfully suggested, (when she told me that she was lonely on Valentine's,) that we could have done something, and her response was something like "Yeah that would have been funnnn." I could totally be misanalyzing her, but I think I've got a pretty good chance.

Anyhow, we're seeing a movie tomorrow afternoon, one I perceive to be a romantic comedy, "Confessions of a Shopaholic." I don't know if I'd really consider this a "date," per se, since it's the first time we've hung out outside of class, but I'd like to work my way up to dating her regularly. Any pointers on what I should say, to give her the idea that seeing me again would be a good idea? Is there a way to make this a formal "date?" I don't want to get the wrong idea and end up making a complete fool of myself. My idea was to ask her later, "Hey, we still on for our date tomorrow?" I'd really like to get a "date," not just a "hang-out." Any ideas?

I wasn't going to be too physical or anything, it'd really just be me trying to coax her to talk a bit, since I am very social, and she's very shy. I neg her about her shyness all the time, she seems to dig it.

TL;dr I'm going to the movies with a very shy girl tomorrow, and I'd like to make it a date, and try to get her to date me on a regular basis.

Hey man listen dont put so much preassure on it. Dont worry about the next time, only focus on this time. You can make it whatever you want by your actions. Push up the sexual tensions.

For instance instead of asking about the date say something like, "You know i dont kiss on the first date, so no trying to take advantage of me in the dark movie theatre, ok...your going to be a good girl right?" Say it playful not serious.

Make sure to seriously amp up kino, walking around put your arm on her waist or around her, make kino when you talk, even play around with banter and react with kino from that.

Your goal should be to have fun, have her have fun, and maybe hookup with her. Other then that dont over think it, the thing that will seperate if its a date or just hanging out is you and your actions.

At some point your gonna have to build things up and then pull the trigger and go for it, at which point if she doesnt go for it just say your sorry and act as if it didnt happen and try again later. Have fun.

I'm in the same situation atm. I think the best plan of action is to work on on the comfort stage for a while and built up slowly and stedily. Keep the eye-contact and relax. Ask her questions and built a connection whilst slowly increasing kino.

I wouldn't try anything on in the cinema unless she shows you stronger IoIs. Keep it relaxed and fun. If all goes well invite her to 'hang out' at your place and watch a film or something. That's where you should make your moves.

Pull the trigger? On the first date? Which I'm not even sure is a date?

The "Don't take advantage of me" line is good, I'll definitely use that. We'll see how things go, try and work on some kino. I don't think I'll invite her back to my place, unless we get done extra early, and even so, I *highly* doubt I'll be so bold.

Keep in mind, she's in high school, same age as I am. I'm *fairly* sure she's still a virgin, so the whole physical thing is a lot more difficult because girls are fairly naive until they've gotten some experience.

I'll try to escalate little by little, then talk to her in a few days, mention I'd like to see her again. Win?

I've got till 1335 tomorrow to draw out my gameplan and ready myself, build confidence. Suggestions are welcome and will be replied to as promptly as possible.

Oh, also, should I be talking to her less? She's been online a lot lately, and I like to talk to her, but I don't want to seem like I'm desperate.

...and I was considering asking her to have lunch with me, before the movie, or even possibly afterwards. It would give me a chance to make a lot of eye contact, talk to her, get her to open up a bit. Plus, I can neg a bit over food, spinach in her teeth, the like. Opinions? Suggestions?

Pressure, too much pressure is what I'm reading in this thread. My man from white plains, trust me, keep it a hang-out. You don't need it to be a date, with this girl just yet. At your impressionable age, though I can see why you want it to be considered a (date date) Remember, this girl has yet to show you exactly why she should be considered a girlfriend of yours, long-term. Please, don't put too much emphasis on lines, put the emphasis on having an enjoyable time, like the great Ka suggested. peace,lvoe and succe SS

The role reversal thing and push/pull things are pure gold and it's never too early in the interaction to use it.

I wouldn't invite her for dinner first unless she sugests it and even so don't you dare pay for her, this shows you're too interested will be interpreted as too clingy. After the movie is ok though. There are plenty of things you could negg her for over dinner.

Here are a few examples. Tell her she is a fussy eater, ask her a question then tell her it's not lady like to talk with her mouth full. Tell her she eats too fast or too slow. Tell her not to play with her food. Tell her she's a messy eater. Remember negging is all in the delivery.

Your making alot of assumptions as to what she wants...

Your assumming she wants a relationship, your assuming she wants to go slow, and your assumming that she isnt interested in you enough to hook up with or be intimate with you.

The longer you go on not showing interest back...intimate interest...the more likely she is to think of you as a friend...and from the sounds of it you dont wana just be friends with her.

You hav yet to hangout/date her once and your already planning all this ellaborate shit with dinners and lunchs and crap...stop thinking about that shit and just go out once, no labels and no preasure and have fun, get her to have fun, and act in ways to get her thinking of u as a suitor not a friend.

If you want her to know your interested in her sexually, and thus have her give you signs back then you need to amp up the sexual tension. You accomplish this by kino escalation, banter, sexual framing. The line i gave you (and banter you could build around it) would aim to present a challenge to her which would hopefully get her to want to do those things and feel accomplished in doing so.

This "relationship" and any other relationship you have including friendship, intimate partners, family, aquaintences, co-workers, classmates, etc will allways be determined in large by how you interact with that person or group, thus the biggest limitation in those situations is yourself.

Im telling you now, not to sound like a geiser...ive got a couple of years on you, and i can tell you from personal experience girls do not want a guy to take 4 ever to make a move. Girls are most attracted to men with strong, unapologetic sexual frames. Ive been the guy who goes out time after time trying to be the typical "gentelman"...it lands you perminantly in LJBF.

These guys present you with some excellent tips and information.

Slow=not good.
Speeding the kino up=away from LJBF (which she wants) and into the arena (INTO the arena, key point) of being her b/f.

Date? NOOOOOO. Way too much pressure on YOU.
Hang out? YESSSS. That way you two can have LEGIT fun. THAT way she WANTS to hang out with you more.

Wait to contact her? WHY? She likes you, right? Cool, then BUILD her interest in you. No, don't talk to her 24/7, but you're not doing that anyway. Putting 2 or 3 days in between convos? WHY?

Ummmm . . . MOVIE ON A FIRST "DATE"??? WHYYY????
OK, movie at YOUR place would have been cool . . . but in a theater? How do you expect you two to talk or build more rapport in there? Hopefully you already HAVE some of THAT going on for you two, otherwise, big mistake.

Do NOT be afraid to touch or EVEN KISS her while you are with her! If she's into you, SHE WILL LOVE THAT. If she's not so much into you, you need to find out quickly anyway.

Also, the fact that you two are both still in high school and you're 17 and she's about the same I'm guessing is a bonus advantage because she hasn't YET built up the type of bitch shield most 21+ year old girls have built up. Which means, she is MORE OPEN to letting herself like you faster. She hasn't yet been hit on by a million different guys in every situation and way. So, roll with that on your side.

Look, she probably does want to have a guy around that likes her a lot and that she likes a lot, either to call a b/f, or something similar. However, as was pointed out, YOU don't need to already plan for her to be your g/f just yet. Just roll with spending time with her and gauge where she is and what she wants from there.

And, even if she is a virgin, that doesn't mean don't kiss or stop the kino. Just . . . DON'T go for the SEX right now. THAT would be crossing a line you're not ready for with HER.

Well, thanks for the tips all. I definitely need to move away from the LJBF, so plenty of kino is part of the gameplan. I've got a little bit of conversation with her here and there, bits of rapport with her, so I'm not starting from scratch or anything.

I'll definitely try to "challenge" her with that sort of line, is there more from where that came from? Lines that push up sexual tension, that sort of thing?

Any suggestions on how to act like a suitor, not a friend?

And any cool subjects for conversation? I used the "friends in college with pictures of his ex" opener already. She's very shy, so I need some things that will get her talking, especially if we decide to hang out somewhere for a bit afterward.

t3h_v4rg4sm wrote:

Any suggestions on how to act like a suitor, not a friend?

Ummm . . . we've been telling you that, bro.

The lines we would give you are all great and all, but the real point of them is for you to see the process and be able to tweak and replicate the undertone of them on your own.

You made mention of negging her over dinner...thats situational. If you want to neg her neg her about being shy, then talk about being adventourous, then challenge her with it. I havent even meet her and i put that together just based on what you said.

You could use the line i gave you about not kissing on the first date, which is sexual framing. This gets her thinking about kissing and the 2 of you. From there you can banter with her, when she does something nice or compliments you say something like "Thanks, your getting brownie points but i still dont kiss on the first date, your not just trying to butter me up and take advantage of me are you?" From that you simply slip in little references and banter about sex.

Start telling stories about your first game of spin the bottle, or how your first g/f ever was in like 6th grade and it was hilarious because it lasted 38 minutes...you know whatever goofy sexually related stories you have.

You want to start talking about sexual things without being creepy. You want to mostly just talk about the subject, but occassionaly plant the seed of thought about intamicy between the 2 of you. Of course you dont want to constantly talk about it, unless she is really into it (some girls are), otherwise you just mix it in casually.

( Writers note: Everyone else contributions are greatly accepted as well, like the suggestion of push-pull and negs,if needed)Tripp, Ka are the guys you should really listen too on this one. To piggyback off of Ka's suggestion about forming the sexual frame by talking about firsts kiss, spin the bottle, and girlfriends in elementary school stuff. What I did to inject a sexual frame into the convo with a girl, was first ask her about her memory skills. Challenge her to recall a past event, but you go first. Along the discourse: (Me- my memory is so good,I remember my first kiss, and how she reacted to it.) At this point, the girl is going to want to know more about how the girl reacted. Hopefully you can get the gist of how to sprinkle subtle sexual references into conversation, without trying to focus on the overt sexual stuff. Overt has a time to come into play. peace,lvoe and succe SS