Do NOT Talk To Her On IM!

I know a lot of guys transition the convo to IM, AND they get the girl and use it successfully, but in general (and for the majority of guys) I believe it's one of the worst things you can do. I used to try and transition to Instant Messenger all the time…it was my standard way of progressing the conversation. But now there’s really no point…

Top 8 Reasons NOT to Transition to Instant Messenger:


1) Texting has gotten so popular that it’s essentially become the new instant messenger. And for our purposes, it’s better.


2) You don’t have to deal with all the different kinds of instant messenger…maybe she uses AOL, MSN, Yahoo, etc. (although there are programs that incorporate all of them into one.)


3) You don’t have to wait until she’s online to talk to her.


4) With texting, your phone number is stored in her phone, so when you take the next step from texting to calling she’ll recognize your number and be much more willing to pick up.


5) EVERY girl has a cell phone with texting these days...but not every girl has Instant Messenger.


6) If you use MbM techniques exchanging numbers is just as easy as getting her instant messenger screen name.


7) Just like getting stuck in the Friend Zone, you can EASILY get stuck in the IM Zone. Some girls are very comfortable talking on IM...it's their comfort zone. If you get stuck in that zone it can be very difficult to get her number.


8) It's STILL cyberspace! Sure the two of you are talking back and forth in real time, but it's still in front of a computer...it's still cyber land.


That's great AJ, but what if I go for the number exchange and she gives me her IM screenname instead? Or what if before I go for the number exchange she volunteers her screenname and tells me I should IM her?

Here's what I do:

Reject it/Ignore it and go for the number exchange instead. If she volunteers her screenname out of the blue and tells you to IM her you can reject it and say, I don't have instant messenger, but you seem pretty cool [name]...how about a texting duel instead kk here are the rules...text an animal fact (or any fact) and guess if it's true or made up. A goldfish's memory span is 3 seconds!...XXX-XXX-XXXX...and no wiki cheating!


Okay, now I don't know if Dave M read my article about this controversial topic on another forum but he just sent out an email to his readers telling them the same thing. Here's what he says:

"Let me start by saying you CAN meet women
using IM, HOWEVER...

... the problem is most guys fall victim to this trap
over and over, get stuck in an endless loop of IM'ing,
and usually NEVER end up meeting most of the
women they IM with.

Who's got the time?

... and 9 times out of 10 its the women who ask
to chat on IM. Therefore the fact you're even IM'ing
with her, should tell you right off the bat who's
running the show.

(Hint: it isn't you.)

One of the 5C's I talk about is being DESIRABLE.
If you're not desirable, then no woman will want
you.

Simple concept, right?

Being on Instant Messenger, chatting with some
random woman for hours and hours on end is NOT
something that a desirable guy would normally do.

After all if you're desirable, don't you probably
have other women to see?

Don't you probably have a lot better things to do
than spend hours chatting with some random chick
online?

The other problem is this...

The more available you are, the less of a mystery
you are. Remember my formula:

Mystery = Intrigue = Interest

More mystery is a good thing. It makes women
wonder... and as she wonders, she becomes more
intrigued with you/about you... that intrigue creates
more interest.

This takes place when you are not even around
or doing anything... its called passive intrigue.

The less of a mystery you are, the less results
you're going to get. After all, you are a desirable
guy, you've got girls interested in you and you
don't have the time to sit ther and tell each girl
EVERYTHING about you on day one.

T.M.I. (Too Much Information) a.k.a. Verbal
Diarrhea.

So you give her a bit here, and a little bit there. As
I learned from David D. 'Give her the gift of missing
you.'

Powerful words, and this saying is so true. Take
this to heart. It works.

If you're on IM with a woman, not only do you
lower your value to her, because she sees you've
got nothing better to do than to chat her up for
hours...

But...

It also lets her see exactly when you're home, and
when you're not. She knows where you are ALL
the time!

I mean seriously. How many times have you asked
a girl for her IM INSTEAD of her number? If you're
like me, that would be never.

It's the women who always ask for your IM because
they're hesitant to talk on the phone, they're
apprehensive.

Maybe you didn't build enough trust through your
profile and/or emails. Maybe she's a bit overwhelmed
with the volume of emails she's getting on a daily
basis... or maybe she's got some hangups about
meeting anyone off the net.

It's a test. If you give in and give her your IM screen
name, you've just failed. Game over.

She'll know you're a wuss and she can own you.
She'll know you're WAY too available and this is
something you want to avoid at ALL costs.

If she emails you back asking for your IM screen
name, do this:

IGNORE IT.

Make believe she never asked for it. Remember,
your frame is what matters, not what she thinks or
wants. You don't even know this girl, so why do
what she wants?

I know some guys want 'how-to' type stuff, so...

WHAT CAN YOU SAY TO A WOMAN
WHO ASKS FOR YOUR IM?

This is pretty much what I use word for word.
Make sure you take the time to customize it to the
way YOU talk. Using YOUR own words.

You basically ignore her request and respond
with:

Hey (her name),

Part 1: I'm too busy to IM...

Part 2: lets talk on the phone...

Part 3: what's your number....

Take these 3 steps and create an email based on
this.

Something to think about:

Some women will choose to respond and some
won't. This is the way of life, but as long as you
continually focus on YOUR goals and improve
yourself, more women will choose to join you in
your 'adventures'.

It all goes back to this: When it comes to online
dating, knowing a little or just enough could be
DANGEROUS.

You have to go full throttle or you'll only get to first
base - or strike out altogether.

Listen, what good is getting a woman to respond
to your e-mail if you can't get her phone number?

What good is getting her phone number if you don't
know how to carry on a conversation and get her to
agree to go out on a date with you?

What good is getting a date if you don't know how
to get to hold her hand, kiss her (or get her to desire
you)?

You get my drift."


I hope this sparks some healthy debate on this forum about using IM.

AJ

Personally, I always got trapped on IM with females, Im always wanting to calibrate to her comfort levels, instead of just being alpha. But, most of what you said does relate to a lot of tendencies that I still do til this day.