Analyze this

I know some of you have followed the saga and greatly helped me along. Here's a brief background and update.

So I start dating this girl who has a bf (whatever) in a different state (TX). 3 months ago when I asked her if she had a bf, she said 'kinda sorta", which, to me, says "come get me, stud." And so I did. It took me a while to yank her from this guy. Granted, we were sittin' in a tree and having sex from the git go.

Now, she calls me her bf, and I call her my gf, etc. She's REAL affectionate and loves to please to the point of patronizing me (in an innocent way). When I ask her what movie she wants to see, she tells me she wants to see the movie she thinks I want to see, etc. I do treat her very well and give her the occational gift, snuggle her, tell her I adore her every now and then. We send each other (she mostly) the most mushy gushy texts: "I miss u baby I can't wait to see you. U make me feel so good.." etc.

The other day we were on the subject of broken hearts. She said she's broken two-- one was the TX guy. I asked her why/how she broke his heart. (some more background) Basically, she threw herself at this guy several months ago. They hooked up, etc. But this girl does not play hard to get AT ALL. I think it is human nature to take for granted those things which come easy to us, while appreciating things that require effort. I'm assuming the guy didn't appreciate her or took her for granted. Then, she tells him on the phone that she is in a relationship with someone else. Only now does this guy tell her how much he likes her, etc, etc.. She said she broke his heart.

Fast forward to today. She still has this guy on myspace (not only that, she has pictures of the two of them, plus some of us). His "rank" is third. Right behind me. The other day I noticed he changed his default pic to a pic of the two of them together. What's going on here.. I didn't say anything to her, as she has no control of what pic the guy uses, but it's a little weird. In response, I posted a comment on her page "Babe, dinner was amazing last night.... but dessert was even better

I'd be lying if I said I posted that -exclusively- for her, otherwise I would have texted it to her. I put it on there because I feel like he is fucking with me, and so I'm going to fuck with him back.

Here's what I think, and you guys can comment. I think this girl is SUCH a pleaser, compromiser, peace maker that she doesn't want to rock the apple cart. So I'd be shocked if she doesn't take his calls anymore. There is also the back burner element. She could not want to completely severe ties with him in case this relationship with me doesn't work out. I'm guilty of this myself--- sending the occasional text to different girls to keep in contact with them.

I don't really feel threatened by this guy... but there are little things that bother me. What do you guys think?

I WOULD actually bring it up to her. Of course she can't control his actions, but at least she probably knows what he is doing or why. Either they are in contact about it, or he has suddenly become very needy and clingy to her. And, she may like that, I don't know.

Whatever the case is, I would suggest you talking to her about it to find out what she does know and where SHE stands with him and with you.

Then, you take your actions from that point.

Just bring it up! What is the worst that is going to happen. A little arguement and I am sure she will be happy because your showing her you care about her and showing emotions...Which is what "girls" say they love.

If I bring it up to her, I feel I'll sound insecure..

And if I did, this is EXACTLY what she would say:

"Oh... I know.. it's funny he made that his default pic. He wants me now but I told him I'm in a relationship. He's hurt a little"

And she would go on to patronize me..

Meanwhile, I guarantee you they talk on the phone on probably a daily basis. In fact, last night, he called around 10:30pm. I'm ok with her talking to her ex's, whatever, but isn't that a little late to be calling?

Also, guys. She doesn't know that i know that this guy called her last night.

Since I wonder how honest she is with me, should I ask her if her ex calls her a lot, and then ask when was the last time that he called to see if she will tell me the truth?

It sounds like this relationship is already strained anyway, so if you're unsure of where she stands, then you do need to bring things out in the open.

If you want to ask her about the phone call in that way, then go for it. It doesn't sound like it will damage anything anymore than it already is under the surface. Just be ready for an explosion, which is likely to be inevitable no matter HOW you bring stuff out into the open.

It's one of two things, in the end. Either you are being paranoid, and she will see that regardless of how you clear the air, or she really is doing things behind your back, and you need to find out sooner rather than later if she is.

L.A. Tripp wrote:

It sounds like this relationship is already strained anyway, so if you're unsure of where she stands, then you do need to bring things out in the open.

If you want to ask her about the phone call in that way, then go for it. It doesn't sound like it will damage anything anymore than it already is under the surface. Just be ready for an explosion, which is likely to be inevitable no matter HOW you bring stuff out into the open.

It's one of two things, in the end. Either you are being paranoid, and she will see that regardless of how you clear the air, or she really is doing things behind your back, and you need to find out sooner rather than later if she is.

The thing is that things are not strained at all. Everything is really, REALLY good. I just don't get her and this dude. I'm not worried about him, and I don't feel threatened by him.

Last night she could tell I was irritated. She asked me if something's wrong, and I mad at her, etc, I said "no, why would I be?"

I sent her a text today telling her to call me. She knows we're about to have "a talk"

In the meantime, she deleted all but one of her pics of the two of them on myspace. I didn't mind she had pics of the two of them-- they were there before her and I even met. She doesn't delete them because, I think, she wants to avoid conflict at any cost. However, he is obviously actively pursuing her.. and I think it's fucked up that she (apparently) entertains it. I think you could be right though, Tripp. She probably -does- like it that he's trying to get her back. It doesn't mean she's considering it, etc, only that she likes to be liked, and likes to be wanted. Who doesn't?

Also, you mentioned "explosion" when I bring things up. That won't happen. This girl will do or say whatever it takes to avoid conflict, no matter how she really feels. I would almost rather have an explosion and get it all out rather than be patronized by her.